sometimes I sit and wonder

why

why do I even try

to make things right

when they’re constantly wrong

when I feel like I’m never right

never what he needs

never what he wants

I feel like a constant burden

an extra weight to carry

and then I wonder

why

why does he keep me around

if he acts so cold hearted

if he is so detached

why does he bother with me

why doesn’t he set me free

if I’m not really what he wants

or even what he needs

and then I wonder

why

why do I sit and torment myself

wondering what he is thinking

and how he is feeling

and whether or not he respects me

and whether he really sees all that I am

and all that I can be

and most importantly

if he appreciates anything about me

the way I hold him close

the comfort I exude

the simple things I do

the way I read his mind

the way I finish his sentences

the way I can look into his eyes

and tell him what he’s thinking

and then I wonder

why

why is he so afraid of me

 

2/9/02