thoughts race around and around

my heart, my body, my mind and soul

i'm afraid, not of you, but of me

of what i feel, inside, because of you

my eyes swell with tears and i try to swallow them

but suddenly, my world comes crashing down

little bits and pieces all around me

i wonder if you are who you said you were

i wonder if you are who i think you are

or if it's all a facade unfolding before me

my heart pounds beneath my skin

my mind hurts with each and every thought

almost as if someone ripped me apart

a slow suicide from the inside begins

once elation and now fear

i don't know what to think

or even how to feel

and i don't know that i want to

anymore.

 

2/18/00