as I sit alone in the darkness

of nights golden hour

I feel tremors

worming through my body

my hands feel icy

my heart races rapidly

my cheeks are crimson

my eyes glazed over

my attention becomes unfocused

my thoughts, quite unclear

my whole body seems to ache

I watch a candle flame

flicker on my wall

I stare intently, trying to gain clarity

of my mind, my heart, my body, my soul

and for the first time

in my entire existence

I realize

I’m afraid to be alone

 

12/17/01