MysticStallion's Joke Archive!

MysticStallion's Joke Archive*

I know it's not much now, but it's growing with every new joke! Someday this page will be a great reference for those looking to enhance their wit, or else just get a quick giggle...

* these jokes are nothing i'd be afraid to tell to teachers, mormons, clergymen, or any other person who may hold higher standards than the rest of us. i rate these jokes as PG, in that i take the utmost care to ensure their cleanliness but make sure they're humorous, as well. so don't be afraid to cast your virgin eyes over these quick two-liners!

Consider this...

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
The only subsitute for bad manners is fast reflexes.
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
When everything's coming your way, you're prolly in the wrong lane!
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.
Chickens: The only thing you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines!
Courdoroy pillows: They're making headlines!
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If God were a college student, instead creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

What's the first thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield at 80 miles per hour?
His ass!
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help...after it bites your leg off!
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking about retiring?
He decided to stick it out one more year!
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite!
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled Milk!
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko!
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick!
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones!
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids!
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it!
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path!
How do you know which kid on the playground is the child of a trombonist?
They don't know how to use the slide, and they can't swing!
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