I open my eyes. Ugh. They burn. Why do they burn�?

It�s so irritating, even though it rarely happens. It only happens when I�m sick, or I cry�

�Was I crying?

What happened last night? I came back from the Mesopotamia, and� Oh, god. Oh, god. Lime! Cherry, Bloodberry�! You guys saved us all... you sacrificed�

Gotta stop crying� gotta stop crying�! I haven�t bawled like this since I was a kid. What do I do now�? They�re gone� Please� somebody stop this. Please� My eyelids are growing heavy again; I don�t wanna think anymore�

�Lime��

�O-Otaru-kun�?�

My face is buried in the pillow; it�s dark in here. Darkness is good. Darkness doesn�t make me face the world. And darkness is all I want... Nothing else. �Otaru-kun, please��

Not him� not now! Go away, Hanagata. I�m begging you, go away�

�D-don�t�! Don�t�� It�s hard to sound forceful when you�re sobbing like a child.

He lays a hand on my shoulder, and judging by the warmth so suddenly radiating from him, he�s leaning closer than he was before. I wonder what he wants�?

No, screw that. I know what he wants. It�s what he always wants� Why can�t he just leave me alone?

His voice is softer than usual. �A-are you okay, Otaru-kun?�

Am I okay?! How can he say that?! How dare he say that?! He doesn�t know what happened�

Yes, he does. I told him last night. I can�t believe I forgot� I�d probably be embarrassed if the situation was any different. �I- I�m sorry��

He looks confused, because he doesn�t know what I�m apologizing for. Hell, to be honest, I don�t even know what I�m apologizing for. There�s a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach that won�t go away, and I don�t have the heart or the strength to fight him off as he pulls me up and into his arms. I haven�t been held like this in a long time, but it frightens me instead of comforting me. It frightens me because I don�t feel anything. No, that�s wrong. I feel plenty. I wanna sleep, but I�m too tired. I wanna scream, but my voice is gone. I don�t know what to do�

Then he speaks to me, and my weakness leaves me with no choice but to listen. I hate feeling weak. �Please say something, Otaru-kun� We�ll be okay. I can feel it��

That earns a reaction. I look up at him sharply, my voice cracking and raising slightly. �That�s bullshit, Hanagata! They�re�� I break down. ��They�re not coming back��

He looks wounded and uncertain, obviously not knowing what to do other than hug me tightly. I sense a strange kind of determination in his embrace; one I�ve never felt from him before. It�s kinda unnerving. It�s kinda comforting, too.

He suddenly pulls away, surprising me. Are those tears in his eyes?

�Don�t give up, Otaru-kun,� Those are tears� �I can�t bear seeing you like this! So please��

He never sees it coming as I violently push away and connect my fist with his cheek. He has no right to say the word �I� right now! �What the hell are you thinking, you selfish bastard?! You don�t care!�

I find myself reeling back with a surprised yelp as his hand impacts unexpectedly hard against my face. When I look up, I see him glaring down at me with a fury in his eyes that I�ve never seen from him before. I don�t know how to react� Hanagata�s never hit back before�

�What do you think I am?! I love them as much as you do, Otaru-kun!� He emits a short bark of laughter, though on second thought, it�s probably more a sob. �I�m selfish? You�re the one wasting away in here without so much as a thought to anyone else who might be suffering!�

I remain silent as he turns toward the wall, weeping bitterly. I�m so, so angry and confused, but I shouldn�t take it out on him, convenient as he is. I can�t help but think of all the times I have.

As he turns around, I see a pain in his eyes that suddenly seems a lot deeper than it was before. Maybe� Maybe all this time, while we lived our lives, while we tried our best to ignore him, that pain was growing inside him... I dunno. I don�t want to think�

�But I guess I have to.

�H-Hanagata. I�m� sorry.� My voice wavers despite my attempt at strength.

He�s silent. What now? God, I�m such an idiot; I recognize too late that I�ve just turned away the sole source of comfort I have now that Lime, Cherry, and Bloodberry are gone.

Gone� I never really bothered to contemplate words like that until now. It�s a word that rushes out of my head before I even realize it came in. It leaves me feeling another word: alone. So very, very alone.

A soft thud snaps me out of my reverie and I see that Hanagata has fallen to his knees in front of me. He looks up, suddenly seeming rather child-like in his vulnerability, though the tears, hurt, and obvious guilt in his eyes prove otherwise.

�So am I�!�

With an anguished wail, he collapses against me. I blink. What should I do? My arms instinctively wind around him, and I can�t help but laugh in my mind; only a situation like this would ever get me to perform such an action. He doesn�t react at all. It�s beginning to dawn on me how serious he must really be. All this time I was only thinking about how much pain they left me in the wake of their departure� I�ve been living in the dark for the past two days, I now see.

Mmm, dark. �You know that feeling you get when you can�t cry anymore, and all you wanna do is curl up in a dark, warm place and sleep? That�s the way I feel right now. But, I know that sleeping won�t make my problems go away. ��Let�s pray.�

I just collapse back on my futon with a heavy sigh, mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, eyes slipping shut once more. I can�t keep my voice from breaking. �I haven�t been doing anything but pray.�

I open my eyes to find Hanagata resting on the pillow next to me, a weary but blank look on his face. �What?�

He doesn�t say anything, and just pulls me close. Leave it to him to get clingy in the most desperate of times. I actually don�t mind that much this time, though. As much as I hate to admit it, he�s the only one I have left to rely on� I hesitantly hug back.

Minutes that feel like hours pass with no sound but our steady, too-deep breathing. Both of us seem to be looking for something to say, but nothing comes to mind. Finally, he speaks. �No matter what happens, Otaru-kun� I�ll be here. Always�!�

I can feel hot tears against my cheek. I don�t know if they�re his or mine.

�I-I�m sorry, Hanagata!� I blurt it out so quickly and so abruptly that it still hasn�t registered in my brain by the time it comes out of my mouth.

�Wh�what?� He blinks a bit, confused.

A shudder passes through my body. �For everything� You never cared about anything but my happiness, and I� I��

I feel him shiver a bit too. �Otaru-kun, please� Stop��

�But�!�

�Shh� It� it�s okay. Just being here is�� He quiets. �It�s more than I could ask for��

�Hanagata��

The room is silent again. God, I have been selfish. All this time has passed without me ever giving a thought to him or how he felt. We used to be friends in elementary school before I left. He once told me that we were soulmates. I didn�t know what he meant. I don�t think I do now, either, but it�s such a typical thing of him to say� I smile a little.

��Otaru-kun?� His voice is soft, feeble.

�Yeah�?� Just as weak. Weak. What a word.

�Can I kiss you�?�

���

What do I say? He might just be up to his usual tricks. On the other hand, he�s never asked me before. He sounds so small, like he�s actually expecting a real answer this time. I�m gonna give him one.

��A-all right��

He looks happy for the first time since I came back. It�s undemanding and relatively quick; not what I expected, but not unpleasant. As he pulls back, I see that he�s blushing and looking kinda anxious. With a fragile little laugh, I press my lips to his, this kiss even briefer than the first, but somehow more effective.

�Otaru-kuuuun!�

Flattened. I should�ve seen it coming. �Hey, Hanagata. Now�s� not the time.� I almost visibly wince as a fresh pang of sorrow hits me like a concrete wall. Hanagata immediately sobers, his hold lessening from that crushing grip to something more comfortable, his hands tracing idle patterns on my back.

Something still nags at me. �Hey?�

�What is it�?�

���M sorry for hitting you.�

I hear the soft smile in his voice. �Me too.�

The mood quickly grows somber again, the two of us quiet and alone once more. I wonder, though; can I really say I�m alone now?

His voice is a little muffled to my ears. �It�ll be okay.�

He sounds so sure. I want to believe him; I really do�

�For now, I will. I bury my face in his shoulder, trying to hide from the demons abounding outside the darkness and safety of his embrace. I think I blacked out for a second, because in that peaceful place inside my mind, I saw their faces. Lime, with her never-ending brightness that always managed to coax a smile out of me. Cherry, so unselfish and modest, only concerned about the well being of others. Bloodberry, who never lost her spirit, even in the worst of times.

I thought they were real for a moment.

I still do.