Currently in Nancy and Elizabeth's bedroom. Nancy can hear everyone downstairs having fun. Laughing and talking she would go down there also but doesn't think she'd be able to pretend right now. ~Why do I always have to screw up and say the wrong things. It's too late to take it back and even if I tried to make things right I'd probably end up screwing up and saying the wrong thing again.~ She gets up and starts pacing. She considers putting a hole through the wall, she considers going to the nearest bar and tying one on. She finally decides to go to an NA meeting.
After the meeting she talks things over with her sponsor.
"I thought I was finally over it and ready to move on. But lately I've been missing my mom so much that I can't take it sometimes and now I've hurt the one person who has been trying to make everything ok again. I didn't know what to say when my Grandmother made the reference to Abby being the mother in the household. I should have just kept my mouth shut but no not Nancy the screwup who always says the wrong thing. And top the whole thing off Brad practically deserted me today. Thankfully my monthly enemy arrived about twenty minutes ago."
"You see there is a bright side to all of this mess." Her sponsor tells her.
Nancy laughs but says. "You have a very strange sense of humor."
"I don't know what to tell you about your stepmother that's something that you and her need to work out. You need to talk to her."
Nancy shakes her head. "Oh no, I'll just wind up screwing things up more than they are already."
"You don't give yourself enough credit. Nancy you almost went to a bar tonight instead of coming here."
"Well I didn't."
"No you didn't and you made a good decision. I don't call that screwing up."
She sighs.
"Talk to her."
"No, I've hurt her enough already, and I'm not going to hurt the people I love anymore."
"So you're going to take a vow of silence in your house."
"It's better than fighting."
"Not if it causes you to keep hurting and if you don't do anything about it you'll start feeling worse and that will hurt the people who love you because they'll start wondering what is going on and how can they help if you don't keep them updated."
She laughs. "The world doesn't revolve around me. They have their own problems and I'll work out my issues on my own."
They talk a little longer.
"Do you want a ride home?"
"No I'll walk but thanks anyway."
They say goodbye and then her sponsor drives away and Nancy heads home.
Everyone is asleep when she finally gets there so having not eaten dinner she gets herself something to eat and drink. She's still there pondering the situation when a family member enters.
Susan enters the kitchen "Hey Nancy what are you doing up so late?"
"I'm just getting in and yourself?"
"I couldn't sleep. I thought I might make myself some hot cocoa or something. You want some?" Susan asks.
Nancy manages a smile. "Sure."
Susan then fixes them some cocoa "You want to talk about it?"
"Susan why am I such an idiot sometimes."
"What makes you think your an idiot?" Susan asks.
Nancy tells her what happened with Abby earlier and about wanting a drink and winding up at NA instead.
"Nancy you are not an idiot." says Susan "You're human. I'm proud of you for not drinking, you made a good decision by going to the meeting instead. I'm not sure how to help you to resolve the problem between you and Abby, maybe all you need to do is just talk it out."
"Thanks Suzy." She replies. "And I know we need to talk but what if I say something wrong again?"
"Don't worry about saying something wrong. Just say what you feel in your heart."
"Good idea," She hugs her sister. "Thanks Susan."
"Any time." replies Susan
They stay up a little while longer talking and then they both head up to bed.
The next morning arrives. Nancy goes down to the kitchen and sees Abby there enjoying her morning coffee. Nancy gets a cup and sits down.
"Good morning," Abby says in a flat voice.
"Good morning." Nancy says quietly.
"My appointment is for 3 o'clock, and Hilda said she can check you out before that, so you can meet me back here around 2 or we could meet at her office."
"Ok, and it arrived."
"Oh. Well, then, you don't really need to see her, do you?" ~I wonder if it really did, or if she just doesn't want me helping her about this. Too mom-like an activity.~
"No I guess not." Tears well in her eyes. "I'm sorry I hurt you Abby." She rushes out of the house.
~Oh, great.~ Abby follows her out, hoping she hasn't taken off in one of the cars.
All the cars are home. Nancy decided to walk it's much safer that way.
"Nancy!" Abby calls out. ~I hope she didn't get too far. I'm still in my robe; I'm not going to chase through the whole neighborhood like this.~
Nancy stops walking, dries her eyes and heads back. "What?" She asks Abby.
"Want to talk about it?"
She starts crying again. "Yeah."
"Want to go inside to do it? It's a little cold out here," Abby says, wrapping her robe closer around herself.
They take over Tom's study.
"The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. You mean a lot to me but somehow I always end up screwing up anyway. I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I'm always saying stupid things and yesterday in a way what I said was far from the truth. You have been like a mom to me but it's so hard to figure out things when..."
"When?" Abby prompts.
"I thought I'd be ok with this being the first Christmas without my mom here. I mean I was ok on Thanksgiving right? But I haven't been. I can't get her out of my mind. And I guess you got caught up in it and it shouldn't have been that way. I mean you've been more than understanding and I've lost count of how many times you've been here for me and the rest of my siblings, and how do I return the favor." She shakes her head.
"You don't," Abby says, sidestepping the issue of Joan. "It's not a favor. It's what I want to do."
"Yeah well I don't know how you put up with the lot of us."
"Valium."
Nancy glances at her and then laughs at the comment.
"This family isn't that much to put up with," Abby says. "Nothing worse than your average inner-city classroom, for example. Now if we were talking dealing with just your father..."
"It wouldn't be any easier."
"Are you kidding?" Abby jokes. "It would be worse. At least you guys make sense once in a while."
"Well at least you got him out of the 19th century." Nancy jokes back.
"That's true," Abby says, wondering if this is what Nancy really wants to talk about, or whether the short apology was enough for her step-daughter.
"At least we can count on Dad though as supposed to other men out there." She says referring to Brad.
"There is something to be said for old-fashioned chauvinism," Abby agrees. "Want to talk about unreliable men?" she offers.
"Brad turned on me when I told him that he might be a father. Kept insisting that it was Ray's if I was pregnant. He wouldn't believe anything I said to him."
Abby starts to pace. "I can't believe it! How could he? If I weren't glad that you're not before, I certainly am now."
"He's a jerk and I'm never going to talk to him again."
"I understand what you're saying, but that's going to be difficult to do, considering the fact that his father and yours are so close."
"I know they are and considering that can we not tell Dad about what Brad did?"
"I think that would be a very good idea," Abby answers. "But you might find some subtle way to let him know he isn't going to be a grandfather. He's really worried, you know."
Nancy smiles. "I will, and what's going on with him anyway? He seemed worried about all of us yesterday."
"He worries. Everyone needs a hobby."
Nancy laughs. "I better go see if Dad is awake so I can put his mind at ease."
"I think I saw him avoiding my father, so go check my room."
"Ok," she hugs her. "I love you Abby." She goes and looks for her Dad.
Nancy finds her Dad in his bedroom.
"Hey Dad I need some money."
"What for?"
"Well it's kind of a female thing I'm all out of you know."
"You are!! Nancy that is wonderful!!" He hugs and she starts laughing then he gives her the money. "Do you need a ride to the store."
"Thanks Dad but I can handle it." She leaves the room and goes to get that and to do some Christmas shopping.
After Nancy leaves Abby goes upstairs to get dressed. "You look happy," she says to Tom.
"Nancy's out of well you know and she needed money to get more. Abby isn't that wonderful?" He smiles.
"When you start bugging the kids to bring you home grandchildren I will remind me of this," Abby playfully threatens.
"Yes you probably will, but then it will be different they'll hopefully be ready for children of their own."
"I'm not sure you're ready for children yet, and look how many you've got."
"Right now I'm very thankful I still have all of my children."
Abby looks at him, puzzled. "Why wouldn't you? Nancy's being really good about staying away from bad influences--is there something else going on you haven't told me about?"
"The people down the street lost their son a couple of days ago. They think it might have been suicide but their not sure. The police are still investigating."
Abby sits down. "No wonder you were taking everything calmly. You must have been so worried. But Nancy's stronger than that--I think."
"I know she's strong, but you never know. I'm going to use a little more understanding and a lot less yelling when it comes to the people I love for now."
Abby laughs. "That I've got to see. I give it a day, two at the most. Less if you have to talk to my father."
"Do you want to make a wager on it?"
"Yeah. Let's see you put your money where your mouth is. What do you want to bet?"
"If I last more than a week we get to do what I want for a night. If I don't last a week we do what you want for a night."
"And you won't complain or tell me you've thrown your back out?" Abby asks
"I won't complain and tell you that I've thrown my back out."
"All right, then, you've got yourself a bet. One week of silence and understanding, or a night on the town."
"Good." They kiss on it.
~Now I've just got to encourage the kids to make Tom's life miserable~ Abby plots.
~Why is she looking at me like that?~
A few hours later Nancy comes home and makes sure the coast is clear before she wraps presents in her room. After she's done she hides them and then goes downstairs and finds Elizabeth in the kitchen.
"Your sponsor called to check up on you." Elizabeth says. "Wants to know if you're going to the meeting tonight."
Nancy gets herself a soda from the fridge. "I don't know I haven't been spending enough time with our Grandparents."
"So spend time with them and then go to the meeting."
"Good idea."
Katherine and Harry enter the kitchen.
"You have got to be the most stubborn..." Harry says to Katherine, but then stops short when he realizes they have an audience. "Hello, girls."
"Hi Grandpa Harry." Nancy says.
"Hi." Elizabeth says.
"Don't you two have anything better to do than hang around the kitchen without even cooking?"
Elizabeth and Nancy exchange looks and silently decide not to answer the question.
"Harry, you know--men can cook too," Katherine says.
"There are madmen everywhere."
"Nope only in this house." Nancy jokes.
"Well, that's true," Harry agrees. "Must be something about Sacramento."
"What's wrong with Sacramento?" Elizabeth asks.
Nancy looks at her strangely. "Elizabeth you've been living here since you were born, think about it. What's Pasadena like?" She asks her grandparents.
"Sane," Harry answers.
"Come on there has to be more to it than that."
"There is dear but he's too stubborn to talk about it right now," Katherine says. "By the way I heard that your friend finally arrived."
"Yep my friend did." Nancy smiles.
"Good, but you really should be more careful next time."
"I will be."
Harry and Elizabeth look at both of them in confusion.
"I think you'd fit right in in this town, dear," Harry tells his wife.
"I most certainly would not!! I'll only come here to see my daughter and grandchildren, and Sam, but that's it."
"Maybe she hasn't gone completely around the bend," Harry says to the girls. "Notice she didn't say she comes to visit her son-in-law."
"I was going to mention Tom, but I thought it would send you around the bend if I did and I don't want to go there." Katherine snaps at him.
"Well, you'd certainly know the way, since you drive me there so often."
"Only because I love you dear."
"Humph. I think I'll go see if there's anywhere in this house a person can get a little peace from all these chattering females."
"You do that dear." Katherine smiles at him.
Harry takes off in search of a quiet room, bemoaning the lack of an afternoon paper.
There's a knock on the front door.
"I'll get it!" Joannie calls out, and opens the door.
"Is Nancy here?" Brad asks.
"Sure," Joannie says, not knowing what went on between them. "Nancy! It's for you!"
Nancy enters, sees who it is, and grows very angry. "Don't worry Brad it was a false alarm, and what the hell are you doing here?!"
"It was a false alarm that's great." He hugs her. She shoves him away. "Come on babe there's nothing to worry about now."
"Nothing to worry about, nothing to worry about!! You bastard!! You have a lot of nerve coming here and trying to make up after the things you said to me yesterday!!"
"Hey, I was in shock. That's a lot to lay on a guy, you know."
"No Brad you were a jerk and if I never see you again it'll be too soon."
"But you've got to see me again. You said you'd go out with me New Year's Eve."
"Well the plans have changed. I'm going out with Joannie, Susan, Mary, and Elizabeth on New Years Eve now. Right Joannie."
"Um...Uh.. Yeah, right. She's going out with us."
"Fine then break my heart." Brad tries a different tactic.
"Well now you know how it feels don't you?" Nancy retorts.
Brad glares at her and then goes home.
"What was that about?" Joannie asks. "I thought that was true loooove."
"Oh I still love him, that's going to take awhile to get over, but he's a louse trust me on this." Nancy says.
"OK. Just remind me never to take dating advice from you."
"Ouch that hurt." Nancy jokes.
"But I got you to laugh."
"That you did." Nancy smiles. "Do you want to know what happened?"
"Nah, that's OK. I'll pass," Joannie kids. "Of course I want to know!"
They go upstairs to Nancy and Elizabeth's room. And Nancy tells her everything.
"That rat! That louse! That scum!" Joannie rants.
"You're getting warmer."
"That...that..what's worse than scum?" Joannie asks.
"I don't know but Brad is it."
"OK, then, that--that Brad!"
"It's ok Joannie, let him be a louse. I'm going to stay away from men for awhile and just concentrate on school, my family, and NA meetings."
"Yeah, right."
"Joannie I'm serious I can't take another heart break right now."
"So if some gorgeous guy comes to the door I should just tell him you're not home?"
"Yes." Nancy says seriously.
"OK, great. Means I get a chance," Joannie teases.
Nancy laughs and then grows serious again. "Just be careful, don't be reckless like I was. Protect that heart of yours."
Abby returns home after her doctor's appointment with a load of groceries for Christmas dinner and she lugs them into the house while singing carols.
Nancy smiles. "Do you need any help Abby?"
"Yeah--tell me where to start."
"Well first we make signs banning Dad from the kitchen and then we get everything ready, and then we start cooking."
"You know, I'm in such a good mood, I don't think even your father's cooking could ruin it."
Elizabeth laughs. "Now that's a good mood."
"Christmas is almost here--how could anyone be in a bad mood?" Abby says and goes back to humming her carols.
~I can think of one good reason.~ Nancy thinks to herself but decides not to voice it out loud. Instead she starts helping with dinner so does Elizabeth and they start humming Christmas carols.
Nicholas finally feels guilty enough to sneak out of the house and heads to the cemetery.
Meanwhile Nancy goes upstairs with Sam and knocks on Nicholas and Tommy's door. No one answers so she opens the door checks inside. Nicholas had said earlier thathe was going to go to his room for awhile. She checks the whole house and then the back yard and front yard and still doesn't find him. She corners Tommy.
"Tommy where's Nicholas?" She asks becoming worried.
"I haven't seen him, why?"
"He's no where around and dinner is less than an hour, it's getting dark outside. Do you have any idea where he might have went?"
"No, but maybe Abby and Dad know where he is."
They go into the kitchen where Tom is trying to convince Abby that he can help cook.
"Dad, Abby, do you know where Nicholas is?" Nancy asks.
"Isn't he in his room?" Tom asks.
"No I can't find him anywhere."
Tom's face clouds in worry. "I'll go drive around and look for him." He grabs his car keys and heads out. Nancy goes with him.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"We didn't want to hurt anyone or cause anyone to feel awkward." Nancy says.
"Nonsense, you could've told Abby or me." Tom protests.
"I was going to tell Abby but at the time it wasn't the right moment and when we had our little talk it didn't come up. And Dad are you sure we could have told you?"
"Nancy we all have to make adjustments. It's clear that Nicholas really misses your mom but you older kids shouldn't make it worse by suggesting he visit your mothers grave."
He strikes a nerve with his daughter.
"Nicholas isn't the only one who misses mom."
"Nancy I really don't have time for this we need to find Nicholas."
She looks at him strangely. ~One minute he says we can tell him anything and the next.~ She shakes her head.
Tom continues. "Do you have any idea how Abby would feel if she knew that you kids went behind her back like this when she's been doing everything she can to make this a nice Christmas for everyone."
"Yes I do realize that's why I haven't told her yet about the visitation. Do you even give a damn how your children feel. Nicholas shouldn't have had to sneak out by himself he should have been able to talk to you about it."
Tom stops the car. "Get out of the car, you can walk home. I'll look for Nicholas. I won't be talked to that way."
"Dad."
"Nancy get out. You don't care about Nicholas. You only care about Nancy and I've about had it. Get out of the car."
"That's not true. Dad you won't even listen to me. You say I can come to you about anything but you don't mean it." She gets out of the car and slams the door. He drives away. "Thanks for being so understanding Dad." She says bitterly and makes it to the cemetery before he does. She knows a shortcut.
She sits down beside Nicholas and puts an arm around him. "How are you doing big guy?" She asks gently. Tom soon arrives.
"Nancy can I talk to Nicholas alone please? I think you should get home."
She kisses Nicholas on the forehead and leaves. Tom kneels down beside him.
"Nicholas I know you miss your mom, and I know it's hard, but why didn't you tell me I would've brought you here."
"I didn't know I wanted to come until now. I am not even sure I still want to be here. Is that bad of me?"
"Oh Nicholas of course it isn't." Tom assures him.
"Then why do I feel so confused?"
"Because you're growing up and it's a lot that you've had to take in this year. All of us get confused at times."
"Can we go home?" he asks.
"Of course son." They head home.
Tommy turns to Abby. "Maybe we should go look for Nicholas, too."
"But where could he have gone?" Abby says. "We can't just drive all around Sacramento. Has anyone called his friends?"
"Kenny P has gone out of town, so he isn’t with them." Tommy says "I wonder who saw him last."
"He looked a little depressed the last few days, said something about missing out on something all the rest of you did."
"Oh No....I think I know where he went." Tommy says.
"OK, let's go," Abby says, still clueless.
"Are you sure you want to?" Tommy says wanting to spare Abby some hurt. "Maybe we should wait until Dad and Nancy get back."
"Why wouldn't I want to?" Abby says. "What'd all of you do, go visit a strip joint or something?"
"No, we went to visit Mom's grave." Tommy says "I am sorry."
"Oh," Abby says. After a minute she asks, "You think Nicholas went to the cemetery? Alone?"
"Yeah, he didn't want to go with us after we asked him. Maybe he changed his mind."
"If you want to go after him, I'll drive," Abby offers again, though more hesitantly.
"You sure?"
"No, but I'm sure Nicholas needs someone go pick him up."
Nancy makes it home and enters the kitchen. "We found him they should be home soon. Is the station wagon free I have to go somewhere."
"Don't you want to eat something first?" Elizabeth asks. "And where did you find him?"
"Where do you think?"
"Oh no poor Nicholas."
"Yeah exactly and I'm not very hungry. I'll eat when I get home."
"Can't you stay for a bit to make sure your brother is ok." David asks.
Nancy takes in his stern big brother expression. "Oh not you too. Why are you and Dad so judgmental?" She asks before she grabs the keys to the station wagon and leaves.
David looks at Elizabeth in confusion. "What did I do?"
Elizabeth shrugs.
Tommy says "What is her problem?"
"She's been real touchy lately," Abby says. "Just leave it; I'm sure it won't last too long."
Nancy had heard Tommy and Abby's comments before walking out the door. She punches the door and then heads out in the station wagon.
"Well at least Nicholas has been found" Tommy says.
"Maybe one of you should talk to Nicholas, find out how he's doing," Abby suggests. "I'd do it myself, but I'm not sure I'm the person he needs to talk to right now."
"I'll try to talk to him after dinner." Tommy says.
"Good," Abby says. "You know, you're not really the tough guy you like to pretend you are. I like that in a man," she teases.
Tommy blushes and walks away.