-Rafael Perez
I do not know with what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones.
- Albert Einstein
A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy.
- Albert Einstein
"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice."
-- Albert Einstein
"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith."
- Albert Einstein
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
- Rita Mae Brown
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
- Linda Ellerbee
It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
- Sir Philip Gibbs
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-Franklin P. Jones
A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen.
- Emily Lotney
My husband gave me a necklace. It's a fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
- Rita Rudner
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
- Rod Serling
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Suess
Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"
Priest: "No, not if you did not know."
Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
Mae West: For a long time I was ashamed of the way I lived.
Interviewer: Did you reform?
Mae West: No; I'm not ashamed anymore.
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
- Mae West (1892-1980)
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- C. G. Jung (1875-1961)
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
"Here lies Jan Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble Cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of this same style are two hundred and fifty dollars."
- Gravestone Inscription
"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."
-Confucius
"Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it."
-Philip K. Dick
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
-Bertrand Russell
"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out."
-Chinese Proverb
"The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it."
-J. Robert Oppenheimer
"One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say."
-Will Durant
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. "
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides.
-- Old Yiddish proverb
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"
-- Quentin Crisp
'Socialism is when man exploits man, Capitalism is the reverse'
--Polish Proverb
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.
- Ruth Gordon
Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
- John Peers
I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around exercising.
- Neil Armstrong
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so.
-- Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan Attorney
I don't like to advocate drugs, alcohol, narcotics or insanity to anyone. . . but they've always worked for me.
- Hunter S. Thomson
He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving "normally."
-- Hunter S. Thompson
"Terrorism: deadly violence against humans and other living things. Usually conducted by government against its own people."
--Edward Abbey
"If America could be, once again, a nation of self-reliant farmers, craftsmen, hunters, ranchers, and artists, then the rich would have little power to dominate others. Neither to serve nor to rule: That was the American dream."
--Edward Abbey
War is just another government program.
- Joseph Sobran
"Computers let you make more mistakes faster than anything except handguns and tequila..."
- Mitch Ratcliffe
Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. What will become of them? This world is truly coming to an end.
- Socrates
When you're swimming' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
If a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged, a liberal is a conservative who's been arrested.
-Tom Wolfe
In the beginning the Universe was created... This made a lot of people angry and was widely regarded as a bad move.
-Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
- Douglas Adams
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
- Aesop
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
- Catherine Zandonella
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
- Mark Twain
"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
- Carl Sagan
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
-Thomas Szasz
Don't be humble; you're not that great.
-Golda Meir
"It's not denial. I'm just very selective about what I accept as reality."
-- Calvin ("Calvin and Hobbes")
It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways to spell any word.
-Jackson, Andrew (1767-1845)
"Television is a medium because it is neither rare nor well done."
-- Fred Friendly, former head of CBS News
He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.
-- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts, perhaps the fear of a loss of power.
--- John Steinbeck
"She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to."
-- Gypsy Rose Lee
Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea: massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring,entertaining, anda source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it.
-- Gene Spafford 1992
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
-- Lily Tomlin
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-- Lily Tomlin
"We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company."
-- Lily Tomlin
BULLWINKLE: "You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit."
GENERAL: "What does that make YOU?"
BULLWINKLE: "What else? An executive..."
-- Jay Ward
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can* you believe?!"
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose
"Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even one which cannot be justified on any other grounds."
-- J. Finnegan, USC.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-- Dykstra
The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the `social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
-- Ernest Rutherford
Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.
-- Lao Tsu
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
-- Charlie McCarthy
Justice is incidental to law and order.
-- J. Edgar Hoover
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
-- Dr. Who
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.
-- Alan Ashley-Pitt
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
-- Jules Feiffe
"I drink to make other people interesting."
-- George Jean Nathan
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
- Henny Youngman
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
- last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)
