A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter. 
     AAAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous 
     Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better. 
     Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.  
     Adult: One old enough to know better.  
     Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.  
     An executive: a man who can make quick decisions and is sometimes right. (Elbert Hubbard) 
     Apple: Typically, a device used to seduce men - usually equipped with display screens and/or worms. 
     Archaeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins. 
     Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.  
     Belladonna, n: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two
     tongues. (Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary")  
     Binary: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes. 
     Bipolar: Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska and Buffalo, New York. 
     Bit: Similar to a nibble. Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful. See byte. 
     Bore, n: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. (Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary")  
     Brain: the apparatus with which we think that we think. 
     Bubble Memory: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "Vacuum tube". 
     Bug: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls. 
     Byte: A mouthful, as in "How many bytes in a Big Mac?" 
     Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.  
     Canada: A few acres of snow. (Voltaire) 
     Character Density: The number of very wierd people in the office. 
     Character: what you are in the dark. 
     Chip: Any number of small crunchy objects, often served with onion dip. 
     Code: Virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore throat, runny nose, and fever. 
     Command: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel in
     control. 
     Compatible: Blows up a little later than Incompatible. 
     Conversation: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.  
     Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.  
     CPU: A juvenile way of telling your dog he missed the paper. 
     CRT: A movie about a little alien who forgets his telephone number and must write home. 
     Cursor: An expert in four-letter words. 
     Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.  
     Debug: The act of placing shoe leather against a small creeping creature. 
     Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.  
     Error: Something only humans can commit. 
     FIFO: Common name for a dog. 
     Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.  
     Friends: People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them. 
     GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced "gooey")  
     Habeas Corpus, n: A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime. (Ambrose Bierce,
     "The Devil's Dictionary")  
     Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.  
     Hardware: Typically boots, leather, and chains. Contrast with software. 
     Headache: The most popular form of birth control. 
     Helpless: Owning a sick goldfish. 
     Idiot: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been controlling and dominant.
     Idiot, n: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and
     controlling. (Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary")  
     Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.  
     Interface: The opposite of "Get out of my face." 
     Justice: A decision in your favor.  
     Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.  
     Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence... 
     Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 
     Mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available. 
     Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed... 
     Maniac: An early computer built by nuts... 
     Megahertz: A very large car rental agency. 
     Menu: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.  
     Minnesota: One day it's warm, the rest of the year it's cold. 
     Moral: design before you implement. 
     Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.  
     Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once... 
     Narrow-minded: Possessing the ability to see through a keyhole with both eyes. 
     Online: A statement shouted at tennis judges in response to serves being called out. 
     Otherwise, adv: No better. (Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary")  
     Polaroids: what polar bears get from sitting on icecaps. 
     Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.  
     POST: People of slow Transport 
     Power User: Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.  
     Program: What commercials try to do to us. 
     RAM: A male sheep. 
     Recursive, adj.: see Recursive. 
     Reincarnation: life sucks, then you die. Then life sucks again. 
     ROM: A RAM after a delicate operation. 
     Semi-conductor: A person hired to lead an orchestra before he has graduated from director's school. 
     Software: Typically silk nighties, nylons, garter belts. Contrast with hardware. 
     Stack Overflow: Too many pancakes... 
     Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."  
     System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.  
     Take, vt: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth. (Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary")  
     Terminal: What most people have to be before they see a doctor. 
     Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. 
     Transistor: A sibling opposite of transbrother. 
     True gentleman: Owns an accordion, but doesn't play it. 
     TV: chewing gum for the eyes. (Frank Lloyd Wright) 
     User: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot". 