Author: Nightrider
Rating:PG-13
Pairing:Aragorn/Legolas
Disclaimer:The characters belong to Tolkien. I only borrowed them for a little while
I knew what he felt from the moment I laid my eyes on him. It is not possible to look into those limitless pools and not see his soul, his deepest feelings. I could tell he was deeply embedded in his thoughts due to the fact that he did not hear me approach. It is a rare day to catch an elf off guard, especially an elf of Legolas' attention and skill. I stood back for a moment or two and watched him. Those hunches shoulders and downcast eyes gave away his brooding state.
But when he spoke to me, so openly and honest, that was when I knew I needed a moment to think. He was angry, eyes, that was understandable. I was angry as well. Although I cannot blame Boromir for his actions. I too have felt the pull of the one ring. It called to us all. I was quite angry that my wayward elf felt the need to spew out my identity in front of Valar and council alike. Although Legolas never possessed a firm ability to hold in his quick temper. We've discussed it before. It is often what brought us to a discussion such as this.
But what of this fear? What possible travesty has caused my dearest elf to feel fear? Did something happen that I have missed? Is he afraid of this misguided Man of Gondor? Perhaps he fears me. Is that a possibility? He has never expressed that to me before.
Taking another moment, I openly stare at him. Slowly my eyes travel up his body and barely, ever so gently, quivers make themselves known. He is trembling. I resist the urge to fall to my knees and wrap my arms tightly around him. If he is truly afraid of me, that would not be the best course of action. Bile begins churning in my stomach and I feel as if I'm falling ill. It is a cruel fate to realize that one you love so dearly shakes with fear when you approach. How can you protect someone if it is you that makes them fear?
Did I drive him to this? I must have! That is the only logical reason I can think of. I make myself think upon our last 'personal' encounter. Yes, I spanked him hard. Very hard. He wanted it,nay, he needed it. So I thought. Obviously I thought wrong! But his actions, he was all but begging for it! Why did he not stop me? Why did he not cry out? Damn that elfish pride!
Finally his eyes lifted again to study me, almost curiously. I'm sure he was wondering why I had not spoken more to him after his open omission. What does one say to something like that?
"Legolas,I," Knowing not what to say, I reached out. I must feel him. His shoulder recoiled and his eyes flashed the briefest of flinches. And with that flinch, my heart broke. I had caused this. My own stupid intentions to do good, right by him, have led me far astray. How could I have been so blind? I should have sensed it! I should have known! Legolas told me once that if I let it, my own guilt would consume me,he didn?t know how right he was.
Backing away from him with my eyes downcast, I turned to walk away. With a trembling voice I spoke, "I'm sorry that you fear me. I never intended it to be this way."
In a split second, he was on his feet. Those crystalline eyes flashing something completely different. Fear had given way to something far from resembling its likeness.
He spoke before his nimble mind had any chance of catching up. "Is that what you believe?" I knew from the sound of his voice that it would do me good to tread softly.
"Yes Legolas that is what I believe." I figured that honesty was the best course of action.
He crossed his agile arms over his chest and glared me. He was less than amused. What did I do wrong? Did pointing out his fear cause him to be angry with me?
"Then you, Estel, are an idiot."
I've been called worse. Although when you say that to a male, pride seems to take over often without solid reason or good cause.
"Well what was I supposed to think Legolas? You were trembling and then denied me the opportunity to comfort you." His eyes narrowed briefly and his arms stayed molded across his upper body.
"So obviously that means that I fear you." If he kept up that sarcasm, I'd be giving him a reason to fear me.
"You withdrew from me, Legolas! Perhaps we have taken this relationship to far. I never doubted it before?but now, my mind is telling me something different. If you fear me then."
I did not know what else to say. I felt weary and so very frail. The shock of tonight?s retrospection was wearing heavily on my soul.
Obviously Legolas was not feeling quite so weak. He spun around in an exaggerated circle with his arms in the air, and that would have made me laugh had I not been so deeply embedded in sadness.
"Clearly my quivering body was NOT due to the fact that I was ANGRY with the quick spoken Man of Gondor. OBVIOUSLY it was NOT because I fear what will happen after this quest is complete and you rise to your rightful place. It would be BEYOND comprehension that I might be deathly afraid of my place in your life after you claim your throne in the realm of men."
My jaw must have fallen a good four meters from my face. He seemed unfazed and kept on with his tirade. Once he was on a roll, neither Sauron nor any evil power begotten on this earth could stop him.
"Or PERHAPS it was because soon you will move on and forget about some insignificant elf you knew in your childhood. NAY, that couldn't be it! Would it be the fact that I deeply love and cherish your care to the point that I would rather fade into nothing that dare living without it? No, of COURSE that isn't it! It must be that I'm afraid of you,how clearly stupid of me for thinking anything else." After his speech, his arms returned to his chest and he continued to glare at me.
I released the breath I was holding and rubbed my eyes. Yes, I was an idiot. It's official, written, and categorized. I closed the gap between us and I watched his bravado slip timidly away from his grasp. Those tiny quivers returned.
My arms snaked away from my body and wound tightly around his slight frame, drawing him close to me. He hesitated, but like always, soon he melted into my body and his arms drew around my back.
"Never should you fear your place with me, fair Prince," I whispered into a pointed ear. A deep emotion clawed at my chest. How COULD I possibly live without him? I cannot even fathom my existence without this warrior and friend at my side. And the thought of him fading, nay, I would NEVER allow that to happen. Not while my body draws breath.
"A life without you is one that I will not live. We have walked through this life together, and that shall continue to be so." I lifted my hand to brush a stray blonde hair away that tickled my cheek.
"How can you know this to be so?"he asked quietly. After so much we'e been through, did he not know his rightful place with me? Did he not know how much he mattered?
I rivaled his question with another one. "Do you believe my love to be that inconsistent?"
I noticed the lack of his breathing the second I no longer felt that gentle wind on my neck. In another second, I felt those powerful arms squeezing the air right out of my lungs. He gripped me with a vengeance and a power that he rarely showed unless it was completely necessary. Yet I did not complain. When he felt I was real enough and I would not falter, he slowly lessened his hold upon me.
Glassy orbs lifted and met mine. " was wrong to despair," he mumbled softly. I placed both my hands on his shoulders and continued to meet his gaze. It is not often one gets to look upon something so beautiful without recourse.
"You were not wrong, you needed a simple reminder. Never apologize for that." I mustremember to offer my reassurance to him more. Never should he be allowed to doubt or worry over his place in my life. Next time, I will stop this before it goes to this length. I should have continued to counter his fears, but often a simply reminder was enough. Too often in this world, do we waste our thoughts and time with words. Less with my Princeling is often so much more.
He stepped back from me, but his eyes never left mine. I could see him straightening and aligning his thoughts. Gods, I could read him better than myself most of the time.
"And what of tonight? You meant to speak to me concerning the council meeting."
I resisted to the urge to slap my forehead. The council meeting and those ill thought out words were the last thing on my mind. It's funny, how quickly minor wrong doings leave your mind when one's charge is falling into themselves.
I was no longer angry towards him. I had no desire to punish him for it either. In my place, I have the right to refuse to spank him. I should possess that right anyway.
"Think nothing more of it," I stated more softly than I intended. Truthfully, after seeing his earlier behavior,Idon't think I could have spanked him even if I wanted to. I could not bring myself to strike him. That fear, those eyes unrelentingly burned in my mind. I do not wish to cause him harm. Enough pain has been caused this night.
His eyes opened with shock. "But, you said we would discuss it."
"We have." I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Let it go now" Perhaps it is time to end that part of our relationship. It is not necessary for him. He is a warrior, a companion, one of the greatest friends I have known. He should know his place with me without that. No longer shall I cause him pain and grief.
He nodded and quirked an eyebrow at me. I don't think he believed me. I gripped his shoulder and released him, motioning for him to follow me back to the heart of Rivendell.
He fell silently into step beside me and together we went back to meet those that would become our companions.
"Then you have missed the entire point" But only the wind heard this, only the night acknowledged this free reign that was given. Love yielded itself to stupidity yet again.
TBC
