Title: Promise

Author: Sinead

Email: [email protected]

URL: http://www.geocities.com/sinead_ireland6/

Date: November 18, 2003

Fandom: Star Trek: Enterprise

Category: Slash

Rating: NC-17

Archive: Yes to EntSTSlash, EntSTCommunity, all others ask (not likely that I will say no)

Status: Complete

Pairing: Archer/Tucker

Summary: After entering the Expanse, Jon realizes he’s been distant and his behavior is hurting his relationship with Trip. All told in Archer’s voice.

Beta: No, but I probably should.

Feedback: Makes me a happy girl.

Disclaimer: They are not mine. I think they should be, but they’re not.

Author's notes: I don’t normally do anything with even a hint of angst. This one is different. I don’t like how much of a jerk Archer has been on the show - it’s really bothering me - so I thought I’d write something that was somewhat of an explanation, something that showed him to be caring, loving and deeply emotional person that we all know he is.

******

I’ve been so distracted. Too much has happened and I am questioning so many things: was this a good idea, traveling into this dangerous area of space? How can I possibly stop a war with a species that I have never met? Where am I going to find these Xindi, and what will I say to them when I do? I’ve lost sleep over these questions. But it’s not my sleep loss that has been bothering me.

Before we entered the Expanse, the tragedy that befell Earth had caused me to be cold, distant. My anger got a hold of me and I had pushed Trip away. My best friend, my lover. I was so wrapped up in myself, so blinded by my own anger that I ignored his suffering.

It was a mistake.

I was selfish.

Trip needed me and I wasn’t there for him. But I was scared. The thought of 7 million people losing their lives in that vicious attack was so horrible to me. But the idea of losing the person that I loved the most, the person who means so damn much to me, chilled my soul. I didn’t want to face that. So I threw myself into my work, my mission. I thought if I removed myself from the intimacy that Trip and I had then I could remain detached and we both would be better off for it.

I can’t believe how stupid I was.

Trip is pretty good at hiding his emotions. Masking his pain with an easier emotion to deal with: anger. He was all set to charge into the Expanse and blow the Xindi to hell. And maybe that’s what he still wants, but I know him. When I started to pay attention again I saw the facade start to crack. The face he hid behind began to strip itself away. He began to lose his focus, lose his desire, like the sleep that was alluding him. I didn’t notice right away, though I should have.

And when I found out that he was taking medication to sleep and seeing T’Pol for some Vulcan therapy, that’s when I realized just how much more damage my disconnection was causing him. I was just another injury bestowed upon my beloved Trip. Just another one of the nightmares that now plagued him.

I would die for him. I don’t know if I ever told him that, but I would. And I know that he would lay down his own life for me without question. And just how did I manage to find someone with such a loving and compassionate soul? I don’t deserve it. Not after my recent behavior. So when I invited him to dinner in my quarters I really expected that he wouldn’t want to come. To my surprise, he did. He was almost like his old self: almost like the good-humored, care-free Trip that I had met nine years ago. Almost but not quite. There was something there, something deep inside him, a wound that was still bleeding.

We didn’t talk much. And we certainly didn’t talk about our relationship or what was left of it. I wanted to reestablish our friendship first. Let Trip know that no matter what I would always be there as more than his Captain: as his friend and confidant. Something that I hadn’t been doing very well for some time now. And I wanted him to feel comfortable opening up to me again.

We talked of ship’s business, upgrades to the warp engines and the new military personal now onboard. Impersonal stuff that meant little. We had a couple of beers. I got him to laugh at one of my lame jokes. Seeing him smile warmed my heart. I wanted to pull him in for a giant hug, but I was afraid that he would pull away. And if he did, how could I blame him?

It wasn’t until the end of the night, when we both had fallen silent, our insignificant conversation having run it course that Trip turned to me. He didn’t say anything, but he had a look in his eyes, one that was so full of anguish. Wordlessly I pulled him into me. I held him tightly, and he lowered his face into the crook of my neck, his arms clasped around me. I could feel him shaking, as if he was trying to hold back tears.

“I missed you Jon,” he said in a small voice

“I’m sorry. I should have been there for you, baby.”

“You’re the captain. You have a job to do . I understand.”

“That’s no excuse Trip.” I was surprised to find that tears were welding up in my own eyes.

At first he didn’t say anything to that. He just held onto me and I leaned down and kissed his hair.

“Please don’t leave me again.”

The sound of his voice, the way he said those words, I felt a slight tear open in my heart. He is my beloved and in that moment the only thing I could think of was how much I had hurt him.

“Never.” I said. “I will never leave you Trip.”

And with that I stood both of us up and led Trip to the bed. I kissed him tenderly on his warm soft lips and began to undress him. He moved to help, but I gently pushed his hands away. When I had him naked I laid him down and took my own clothes off. I slipped into bed beside him, threw the covers over us and pulled him in for an embrace, caressing his back with my hand.

“Jon?”

“Shhhh baby. Just relax. I want you to close your eyes. Go to sleep. I promise I’ll take care of you.”

I held him, stroking his back until I felt the tension in him slowly release. He began to drift off, the sound of his breath becoming the shallow rhythmical breathing of sleep.

I find myself just watching him for a long while, staring at his still form. He's sound asleep here next to me. My darling Trip. I run my fingers lightly through his blonde hair. He stirs and mumbles in his sleep as if he‘s having another nightmare. He probably is, so I caress the side of his face, trying to quiet him. Then he nestles closer to me, his forehead pressed against my neck and calms. I love him more than I've ever been able to communicate to him. It distresses me to see that his sleep has become restless: assuming he gets any sleep at all.

***

I must have dozed off myself because when I wake up I find that he’s not in bed. In my sleep haze, I almost start to panic, thinking Trip gone. And then I roll over to see him standing by the window, staring at the stars.

I get up and move towards him.

“Trip?”

“Yeah,” his voice is flat. He doesn’t turn to look at me he just continues to stare into the mass of stars which seem endless outside my window.

“Trip are you okay?”

“Yeah, sure I am. Never better.”

“Stop that.”

He sighs. “I’m not okay Jon. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay.”

“Come back to bed.”

“Do you still love me?”

I shouldn’t be shocked that he asked this, but I am. He still hasn’t turned away from the window, but I can see his face in the reflection on the glass. My heart sinks as I read his sorrowful expression.

“Trip,” I place my hand on his shoulder and maneuver him so that he is facing me now. I stare straight into those pale blue eyes. “I love you so much it hurts.”

I can’t help myself as I reach up with my other hand, place it on the back of his head and draw him in for a passionate kiss. He opens his lips, allowing my tongue to plunge into his mouth. Words seem hollow right now, action seems more appropriate.

Trip returns my kiss, his own tongue finding its way into my mouth. His hands are on my back, working their way down towards my ass. When I move my hand down to his nipple and begin to play with it, he moans into my mouth.

I feel hungry. I want him so much. He is warm and sensuous, his naked body wrapped in my arms. My cock has come to life, demanding attention. For the second time tonight I lead Trip to the bed.

As I lay him down on his back, our lips still locked in a fiery kiss, and straddle his hips. I run my hands down his belly, towards his groin. His moans are muffled by my mouth pressed against his. Then I grab my prize from between his legs and his moaning becomes more urgent, his hips buck slightly. He is incredibly hard, his cock like burning heat in my hand. I stroke him at an even pace but I apply a good amount of pressure.

Trip pauses the kiss. He’s panting, his face flushed with passion.

“You have to fuck me Jon.”

“Not yet, baby. Not yet.” I have other plans for him. I want to show him how much I love him. I want to show him how much he means to me. I lower my head and start nibbling on his earlobe. I can feel him squirm beneath me, his hands kneading my ass. He moves his hips trying to get me to stroke his cock faster.

“Let me take care of everything Trip. You just hang on for the ride.”

I remove my hand from his cock and move it lower to his sac. I lightly caress his balls, listening as his moaning becomes more insistent.

We haven’t made love in a while. A long while. Too long. We both need the release but its more than that. Its deeper. This isn’t just sex. It’s intense passion, devotion, but most of all love.

I move my lips down his neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses. Occasionally I’ll nip at the soft skin. Trip is trying not to wriggle, but when I reach his chest and catch one of his nipples in my mouth, his control really begins to slip. I suck on it for a bit, then move my way down to his stomach, kissing the dark blonde hair that covers his lower abdomen. My hand is still toying with his velvety, tight balls. I can’t think too much about what I’m doing to him: its getting me really hot just touching him like this. And my own dick is throbbing. I can feel the pre-cum releasing from the head of my cock.

Then I get to my destination: I am face to cock with Trip’s erection. I cover his impressive member with my mouth, moving my lips up and down his shaft. By this time Trip has given up on trying to keep still and is writhing beneath me, his moaning sounding more and more pleading as he teeters on the edge of ecstasy. His fingers are laced in my hair tugging very lightly. I’m going to bring him as close to the edge as possible then I’m going to put my cock in his ass and make love to him until we both collapse in orgasm. I could come just thinking about that, so I focus more on the blowjob I’m giving Trip. Lips riding his shaft, my tongue drawing up and down the underside. When I think he’s had quite enough I lift my head from his silky cock, still stroking his balls. With my free hand I reach over to the drawer and pull out the lube.

As I flip open the top I can feel Trip’s hands move to my dick, stroking it, tugging at it. I chuckle: patience is not one of Trip’s strong points and in this state he’s in now, his impatience is extremely obvious.

I have to stop stroking Trip’s sac in order to position him just right. He frowns a bit at this, but doesn’t protest. I grab a pillow. Trip knows exactly what’s going on so he lifts his hips as I slip it under him. I lube up my fingers and begin to probe his tight asshole. In one quick motion I slide my middle finger into him all the way. We both moan at the glorious sensation. Trip is so tight. I insert another finger, just as quickly. I know both of us are worked up so I’m moving pretty fast, but not too fast as to physically hurt Trip. By the time I get the third and forth fingers in Trip is again squirming and panting. Any second now and I’d image that he would start begging.

I pull my fingers out, lube my cock and position myself so that the head of my dick is brushing up against Trip’s asshole. I slowly push into him. Oh God it feels amazing. I love having my cock inside him. I let out a low groan and listen as Trip grunts.

“You okay Trip?” I manage to pant out.

He merely nods, his teeth clenched, eyes closed. I know the look: he’s trying to prevent himself from coming too soon. I plan on making him scream.

I push my cock in halfway still moving very slowly, taking my time, Trip lets out whimpering moans and when I bury the whole length of my cock in his ass he draws his legs up and wraps them around me. I start pumping rhythmically, slowly. I grab his cock and start pumping quick and hard. The act of a slow fucking while getting a fast and furious hand job is bringing Trip to the edge. Me too: I doubt I’ll make it to 10 strokes doing this.

Trip reaches his hands up and plays with my nipples. Now I doubt I’ll make it to 8 strokes. I pump his cock faster, harder. I have him were I want him. Trip’s moans are almost breathless and I can feel his body tightening up. My hand moves faster over his throbbing erection and I can feel him begin to orgasm. Trip let’s out a loud cry and as his cock jets cum, he calls out my name over and over. The sound of Trip crying my name out in ecstasy is so sexy I lose it. My orgasm hits me like a ton of bricks and I come inside my beloved.

Afterwards I collapse on top of him and bury my face in his neck. He reaches a hand up and caresses the back of my neck. I can’t believe I almost lost this, almost lost him, because I was so afraid of what might be, what might happen. So afraid of a future that may never be, I almost lost the present that I now had. I could still lose him but at least now he’ll know how much I really do love him.

“Nothing like some good, passionate sex to relieve all stress. Will you stay here and get some sleep now?” I ask him and raise my face up to look into his eyes.

“We might have to do it again” he says playfully.

“I would think my expertise in the bedroom wouldn’t need too many repeat performances. So was this better than getting shot up with Phlox’s meds?”

He winks and gives me that sweet half smile of his. “Yup. Better than Vulcan neuro-pressure, too.”

“So that’s what it’s called.” I roll off him pulling Trip along with me so that he is partially on top of me, my hands dance across the his skin. I get serious again.

“I can‘t image life without you Trip. I‘d rather die than be without you.”

His only reply to that is to snuggle in closer to me. I hold him tighter. I tilt my head so that I can see his face, partially obscured, pressed close to my chest. He looks tired. He must be exhausted what with not sleeping for more than a hour or so a night.

“Stay here and sleep baby. I’m here if you need me.”

He clutches me tightly. “You are here, aren’t you?”

“Yes I am and I’m never leaving.”

“Promise?”

He sounds like a little boy. I kiss his forehead.

“Yeah I promise. I’m right here. I’ll always be here for you.”

I stroke his hair while his hand plays with the hair on my chest. We’re contented, secure. We lay there in comfortable silence and I’m finally rewarded when Trip begins to relax more, drifting off to sleep. I may question many things on this mission but I will never question my devotion to Trip or his devotion to me. We have each other. I make myself a promise, as I hold a sleeping Trip in my arms, that I will never forget this again.