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| HOSPITAL :Another operation |
| 20th August 2003 |
| I came home... painfull... even tho I can still walk... Few days in the hospital, another operation that doesn't seem like a vocation. I'd like to think of it that way tho...but really couldn't. I should feel lucky that I get better faster than I thought. I had operation in monday afternoon... I can walk tuesday afternoon. Wendesday morning I can eat...and walk by my own. Just appendix opearation... not a big deal isn't it? Soon I will be fine...soon I will be in a good condition again. Friends came visit... so glad I feel...thank you very much. You won't miss the party...and you won't miss this too hah? I have been in the hospital too much in this lifetime... too much really. The more I must be there the more I don't like it. The moment of pain...and your only hope is depend on the doctor. You will alive or death...what you can do or what you can not. Just one person could tell...and that person wasn't you... That's bother me a lot tho. I rather die cause I kill myself... not die because I get sick and a doctor couldn't help. Sound crazy... but I like it this way. Hmm... I hate sickness... everybody hate it I think. The opearation is nothing cause when they do that I didn't feel anything. But the time of the recovering, how long would it take then. Another scar on my body... hmm... I don't like it at all. The first time I had operation was september 2001. The morning that I saw the wound I cried like crazy. I cried...till the medical student that listen to me cried with me, cause she can't do anything with it. I scream and yeiled..."Look! I was born beautiful, what you guys did with my body? why don't you tell me first that the wound will be this big? I will never sign the paper to let you operated me" But the operation has done... nobody couldn't do anything with it. I couldn't do anything with it, I can't wear biniki swimming suit again after since. I don't see the new wound yet...it's all covered exactly the same place. I don't know if the doctor operated me at the same place... but it's ok. I will see it soon... no matter it will be... I will have to accept it anyway. Bhudda say...there is nothing last forever and actually my body wasn't mine. There is nothing belong to me except my soul... Maybe all I have to do is just keep my soul beautiful...cause it's only thing that last. Take a look at my soul... plenty of wounds too...hmm... what can I do. Consider and accept everything in the way it is. Anyway...I'm home now... I will be better soon... my friends will take care of me. Don't tell my family tho, they are the last person who know always. Cause they can't do anything but crying... blaming me that I didn't take a good care of myself. Geez... who wannna be sick? Dear beautiful Michael... I know that you wish you could be here badly. But it doesn't matter... I will see you soon anyway... then we will have a great vocation (somewhere that's not the hospital) together, I love you.... |
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