| 13th June 2003 |
| I haven't write my diary for days. Actually I haven't write anything for a week now. Is it because I'm weak? I don't know. I have been obsessed with myself. I have been busy with people... I try to be busy to get away from something in my head that I'm not really sure what it is. Once again I get a chance to see "The Hours" This become my favorite movie before I notice that. "Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself" "Mrs Dalloway...always giving the party to cover the silence" Sinderella...always smiling ...concealing things in her head with those smile. Lately when I walk on the street ...I aware that there are so many eyes that watching. Do I look more beautiful? or..Do I look sad?...or Hmm.. I don't know. Maybe it just because something wrong in my head. What do I want now? A phychologist? Medicine? Fresh air? or just strength... Fortunately I still have friends around...keep me busy ..,make me smile. Even sometime I have to make myself smile just to satify them...but it is another day of life. Should feel lucky that I'm still alive. What if I die...all of my writing... I want it to be publish...even I hate to publish when I'm alive. But I know it gonna be big if the writer die...all money from my work I want to donate to orphane house. Then ...hopfully ...next life I will have parents like others and life will be so much difference from what I have been through. It is the 13th and it is friday... The moon is so bright and round... I'm in the big town... confusing...losting..what am I doing? |
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