Moe's Prank Calls

Moe's Prank Calls

CLASSICS : Moe's Tavern, Moe Speaking....

| Season 1 | Season 2 | Season 3 | Season 4 | Season 6 | Season 7 | Season 13 |

Season 1

[7G01] Some Enchanted Evening

Bart : Is Al there?

Moe : Al?

Bart : Yeah, Al. Last name Cohalic?

Moe : Hold on, I'll check. Phone call for Al... Al Coholic. Is there an Al Coholic here?

People in Bar
(The guys in the pub cheer.)

Moe : Wait a minute... Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!

[7G01] Some Enchanted Evening

Bart : Is Oliver there?

Moe : Who?

Bart : Oliver Clothesoff.

Moe : Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!

(Marge picks up the extension)

Moe : Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!

[7G03] Homer's Odyssey

Bart (with Lisa) : Is Mister Freely there?

Moe : Who?

Bart (with Lisa) : Freely, first initials I. P.

Moe : Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is I. P. Freely here? Hey everybody, I. P. Freely!

People in bar
(The guys in the pub laugh)

Moe : Wait a minute... Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half.

[7G06] Moaning Lisa

Moe : Yeah, Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.

Bart (with Lisa) : Is Jaques there?

Moe : Who?

Bart (with Lisa) : Jaques, last name Strap.

Moe : Uh, hold on. Uh, Jock... Strap... Hey guys I'm looking for a Jock Strap.

People in bar
(the guys in the pub laugh)

Moe : Oh... wait a minute... Jock Strap... It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood.

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Season 2

[7F11] One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish

Moe : Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.

Bart (with Lisa) : Is Seymour there? Last name Butz.

Moe : Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butz here? A Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz! [realizes]

Moe : Wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!

[7F15] Principal Charming

Bart : (in Principal Skinner's office) Hello, is Homer there?

Moe : Homer who?

Bart : Homer... Sexual.

Moe : Wait one second, let me check. [calls] Uh, Homer Sexual? Hey, come on, come on, one of you guys has got to be Homer Sexual!

Homer : Don't look at me!

Moe : You rotten liver pot! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!

Skinner : You'll do what, young man?

[7F22] Blood Feud

Moe : Moe's Tavern, where the elite meet to drink.

Bart : Uh, hello. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch.

Moe : Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?

People in bar
(the guys in the pub laugh)

Moe : Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick.

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Season3

[8F02] Treehouse of Horror II

Bart : with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the Sherri/Terri twins

Moe : [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern. ... Hold on, I'll check. Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.

People in bar
(People in Pub laugh)

Barney : Ho ho, that's a good one.

Moe : Wait a minute...

Bart : [hangs up and laughs]

[8F08] Flaming Moe's

Moe : Flaming Moe's.

Bart : Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.

Moe : Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!

Hugh : Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.

Moe : Telephone. [hands over the receiver]

Hugh : Hello, this is Hugh Jass.

Bart : [surprised] Uh, hi.

Hugh : Who's this?

Bart : Bart Simpson.

Hugh : Well, what can I do for you, Bart?

Bart : Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.

Hugh : All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.

[8F09] Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk

Moe : Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.

Bart : Uh, yes, I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem? First name, Bea.

Moe : Uh, yeah, just a minute, I'll check. [calls] Uh, Bea O'Problem? Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?

Barney : You sure do!

People in bar
(People in pub laugh)

Moe : Oh... [to phone] It's you, isn't it! Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!

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Season4

[9F06] New Kid on the Block

Bart : (Calls)

Moe : [answers the phone] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check. [calls] Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm lookin' fer Amanda Hugginkiss. Why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?

Moe : [answers the phone] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check. [calls] Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm lookin' fer Amanda Hugginkiss. Why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?

Moe : [to phone] You little S.O.B. Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!

Bart : My name is Jimbo Jones, and I live at 1094 Evergreen Terrace.

Moe : I knew he's slip up sooner or later!' (He unsheathes a rusty knife and heads out of the tavern.)

[9F06] New Kid on the Block

Laura Powers (with Bart) : (Calls)

Laura Powers (with Bart) : Hello, I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle? First name... Ivana

Moe : Ivana Tinkle, just a sec. [calls] Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! Hey, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle!

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Season 6
[2F19] The PTA Disbands
This isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher for Mrs. Krabappel's class during the strike

Moe : OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?

Kids in Barts class
(laughter from kids)

Moe : All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?

Kids in Barts class
(laughter from kids)

Moe : All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!

Kids in Barts class
(even more laughter)

Moe : Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that! (Moe runs out of the classroom crying.)

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Season 7

[3F14] Homer the Smithers

Mr. Burns : I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland

Moe : Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!

[3F17] Bart on the Road

Homer : Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura

Moe: Eura Snotball?

Homer : What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

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Season 13

[CABF20] Homer The Moes
Homer is looking after Moe's.

Bart : I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie.

Homer : (excited) Ooh! My first prank call! What do I do?

Bart : Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.

Homer : I don't get it.

Bart : Yell out "I'll eat a booger"

Homer : What's the gag?

Bart : Oh, forget it...

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Back

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	Bart : Is Al there?
	Moe : Al?
	Bart : Yeah, Al. Last name Cohalic?
	Moe : Hold on, I'll check. Phone call for Al... Al Coholic. Is there an Al Coholic here?
People in Bar	(The guys in the pub cheer.)
	Moe : Wait a minute... Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!

	Bart : Is Oliver there?
	Moe : Who?
	Bart : Oliver Clothesoff.
	Moe : Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
	(Marge picks up the extension)
	Moe : Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!

	Bart (with Lisa) : Is Mister Freely there?
	Moe : Who?
	Bart (with Lisa) : Freely, first initials I. P.
	Moe : Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is I. P. Freely here? Hey everybody, I. P. Freely!
People in bar	(The guys in the pub laugh)
	Moe : Wait a minute... Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half.

	Moe : Yeah, Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.
	Bart (with Lisa) : Is Jaques there?
	Moe : Who?
	Bart (with Lisa) : Jaques, last name Strap.
	Moe : Uh, hold on. Uh, Jock... Strap... Hey guys I'm looking for a Jock Strap.
People in bar	(the guys in the pub laugh)
	Moe : Oh... wait a minute... Jock Strap... It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood.

	Moe : Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.
	Bart (with Lisa) : Is Seymour there? Last name Butz.
	Moe : Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butz here? A Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz! [realizes]
	Moe : Wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!

	Bart : (in Principal Skinner's office) Hello, is Homer there?
	Moe : Homer who?
	Bart : Homer... Sexual.
	Moe : Wait one second, let me check. [calls] Uh, Homer Sexual? Hey, come on, come on, one of you guys has got to be Homer Sexual!
	Homer : Don't look at me!
	Moe : You rotten liver pot! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
	Skinner : You'll do what, young man?

	Moe : Moe's Tavern, where the elite meet to drink.
	Bart : Uh, hello. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch.
	Moe : Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
People in bar	(the guys in the pub laugh)
	Moe : Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick.

	Bart : with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the Sherri/Terri twins
	Moe : [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern. ... Hold on, I'll check. Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.
People in bar	(People in Pub laugh)
	Barney : Ho ho, that's a good one.
	Moe : Wait a minute...
	Bart : [hangs up and laughs]

	Moe : Flaming Moe's.
	Bart : Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
	Moe : Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
	Hugh : Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
	Moe : Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
	Hugh : Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
	Bart : [surprised] Uh, hi.
	Hugh : Who's this?
	Bart : Bart Simpson.
	Hugh : Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
	Bart : Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
	Hugh : All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.

	Moe : Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.
	Bart : Uh, yes, I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem? First name, Bea.
	Moe : Uh, yeah, just a minute, I'll check. [calls] Uh, Bea O'Problem? Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?
	Barney : You sure do!
People in bar	(People in pub laugh)
	Moe : Oh... [to phone] It's you, isn't it! Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!

	Bart : (Calls)
	Moe : [answers the phone] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check. [calls] Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm lookin' fer Amanda Hugginkiss. Why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?
	Moe : [answers the phone] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check. [calls] Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm lookin' fer Amanda Hugginkiss. Why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?
	Moe : [to phone] You little S.O.B. Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
	Bart : My name is Jimbo Jones, and I live at 1094 Evergreen Terrace.
	Moe : I knew he's slip up sooner or later!' (He unsheathes a rusty knife and heads out of the tavern.)

	Laura Powers (with Bart) : (Calls)
	Laura Powers (with Bart) : Hello, I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle? First name... Ivana
	Moe : Ivana Tinkle, just a sec. [calls] Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! Hey, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle!

	Moe : OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
Kids in Barts class	(laughter from kids)
	Moe : All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
Kids in Barts class	(laughter from kids)
	Moe : All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
Kids in Barts class	(even more laughter)
	Moe : Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that! (Moe runs out of the classroom crying.)

	Mr. Burns : I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland
	Moe : Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!

	Homer : Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
	Moe: Eura Snotball?
	Homer : What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

	Bart : I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie.
	Homer : (excited) Ooh! My first prank call! What do I do?
	Bart : Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
	Homer : I don't get it.
	Bart : Yell out "I'll eat a booger"
	Homer : What's the gag?
	Bart : Oh, forget it...