Classics : Barts Detention Lines

I will not instigate revolution

I will not draw naked ladies in class

I did not see Elvis

I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom

They are laughing at im, not with me

I will not encourage others to fly

I will not belch the National Anthem

I will not sell land in Florida

High explosives and school don't mix

I will not bribe Principal Skinner

Underwear should be worn on the inside

The Christmas Pageant does not stink

I will not torment the emotionally frail

I will not carve gods

I will not barf unless I'm sick

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

I will not conduct my own fire drills

Funny noises are not funny

I will not spin the turtle

I will not snap bras

I will not fake seizures

This punishment is not boring and pointless

My name is not Dr. Death

I will not bring sheep to class

A burp is not an answer

Teacher is not a leper

The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee

I will not call the principal "spud head"

Goldfish don't bounce

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups

No one is interested in my underpants

I will not sell miracle cures

I will return the seeing-eye dog

I will not charge admission to the bathroom

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones

There are plenty of businesses like show business

I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

I will not dissect things unless instructed

Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough

Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal

"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

Next time it could be me on the scaffolding

I will not strut around like I own the place

The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far

I do not have power of attorney over first graders

Nerve gas is not a toy

I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface

The First Amendment does not cover burping

"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism

No one wants to hear from my armpits

I am not a lean mean spitting machine

The boys room is not a water park

Indian burns are not our cultural heritage

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

I am not certified to remove asbestos

I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten

I am not my long-lost twin

I will not hide the teacher's Prozac

I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face

A fire drill does not demand a fire

There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"

Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related

Shooting paintballs is not an art form

My butt does not deserve a website

"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address

"The President did it" is not an excuse

It does not suck to be you

I have neither been there nor done that

Fridays are not "pants optional"

I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize

I won't not use no double negatives

I can't see dead people

My suspension was not "mutual"

A belch is not an oral report

Dodgeball stops at the gym door

"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge

I was not touched "there" by an angel

I am not here on a fartball scholarship

I will not dance on anyone's grave

I cannot hire a substitute student

I will not obey the voices in my head

I will not surprise the incontinent

I was not the sixth Beatle

I will only provide a urine sample when asked

Science class should not end in tragedy

I will not "let the dogs out"

I will not hide the teacher's medication

The hamster did not have "a full life"

I will not flush evidence

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