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Waylon Smithers
Full Name:
Waylon Smithers
Identity: Burns' lackey.
Age: In his early forties.
Occupation: Mr. Burns' assistant at the power plant.
Duties: Answering the phone, squeezing juice for him every morning, preparing his tax returns, moistening his eyeballs, assisting with chewing and swallowing, removing his dead skin, lying to congress, some light typing, driving Mr. Burns, peddling him on a tandem bike, cleaning and maintaining his denture collection (including Burns' prized fang dentures) and calling employees into Burns' office to be fired and a ton of other stuff (a total of 2800).
Collects: Malibu Stacey dolls, and has the largest collection in Springfield.
Screensaver: A naked Mr. Burns, saying: "Hello, Smithers, you're quite good at turning me on."
Holidays: He enjoys going on vacation at men's singles resorts.
Funniest Quotes :-
"Sir, I've arranged for the people of Australia to join hands
tonight and spell out your name with candles. ""I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die."
"Look at all the wonderful things you have, sir: King Arthur's "Excalibur". The only existing nude photo of Mark Twain. And that rare first draft of the constitution with the word "suckers" in it."
"Oh, Mr. Burns, we'll thaw you out the second they discover the cure for seventeen stab wounds in the back. How're we doing, boys?"
"No! Don't make me take a vacation! Without you I'll wither and die!"
"I think women and Seamen don't mix."
"Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!"