SIMPSONS PROFILE : MR BURNS
Full name:
Charles Montgomery Burns.
Age:
Either 81, 104, or 106. *Note: Mr. Burns' ages have varied episode to episodeWeight:
Unknown (but very minute)Occupation:
Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Springfield Casino, Springfield Police Force, "The Shining" Mansion.Achievements:
Captured the Loch Ness Monster, Successfully Blocked out the Sun, Obtained a Trillion Dollar Bill, Stole SLH's Puppies, Won the Bowling League Trophy, Earned the Status of Springfield's most Hated Man, Met Elvis Presley, Founded his own Recycling Plant, Kidnapped Tom Jones and Killed the Rolling Stones. Invented Lil' Lisa Slurry and the Burns Omninet. Lived through twelve recessions, eight panics and five years of McKinleynomics.Attitude:
Evil, occasionally compassionate and generous.Strengths:
Money, Power, Property.Weaknesses:
Incredibly weak, vunerable after medical attention.Can't Remember:
Homer Simpson's Name, How much he's Worth.Examples of Kindness:
Once gave the Simpson Family an ancient Olmec Head Statue ( Xt'Tapalatakettle.) Once Donated a Button to Charity, Donated $1,000,000 to The Springfield Hospital Children's Ward.Misc:
Once sold the Power Plant to Germans, Almost Killed Homer Simpson, Substituted the Plant Health Plan for Beer, Member of the Stonecutters and was once a member of the Flying Hellfish, Chose Bart Simpson to become his Heir, Was Trapped under an Avalanche with Homer Simpson, Run Bart Simpson over in his car, won a Snowboarding Race, Cut the workers pay in exchange for Addictive Donuts, Likes to Put his feet up in his escape capsule, Ran for Governor, Owns the Brazilian Football Team after their Plane crashed in his property, Enjoys "Iced-Cream", Firm believer in Cheating.Funniest Quotes :-
"What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?"
"Ex-cellent!"
"Well, that's odd.... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers, - have him beaten to a pulp."
"Fish sticks!? What in blazes are you talking about?"
"Ha-ha! Smithers, this reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work!"
"Have the Rolling Stones killed."
"Here's a phone. Call
somebody who cares."
"I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until.... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant."
"I should be able to run over as many kids as I want."
"Why, my good man, you're the fattest thing I've ever seen, and I've been on safari."
"I thought I had everything - Money, good looks, strong, sharp teeth.....But what's it all worth when nobody likes you?"
"Oh, Smithers, when you look at me with those puppy-dog eyes...."
"Oh, brilliant. A cash settlement! I could have figured that out, you button-down maggot!"
"Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!"
"Release the hounds."
"Thanks for not making fun of my genitalia."
"Heh...heh.....he....... What was I laughing at, now? ...Oh yes, that crippled Irishman!"
"......Fifteen minutes from now I will wreak a terrible vengeance on this city...... No one will be spared! NO-ONE!!"
"I'm looking for something in
an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why
here's the fellow..... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me."