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Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Too difficult to live with, that’s what she said, too emotionally deep, too secretive, just too damn hard for her to deal with.
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Doesn’t she understand that you are like this for a reason? That you find it hard to trust and reveal your darkest and most painful memories…even to her. Why doesn’t she know that? You’ve told her often enough, sat for hours trying to say things you’ve kept hidden for years, desperate to open up to her. But it’s just too painful.
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
She didn’t know you when you were at your lowest. She didn’t see the darkness that became your world, the numbness, the suicide attempts. You wish she had been there, maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so bad. Catherine was your world, she pulled you out of the depths of despair even though she didn’t know it at the time.
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye
Sure, she’s seen the scars on your wrists, that’s what this is all about. You managed to hide them for so long but now… she wants to know everything, but you just can’t purge your shameful secrets, not yet.
And it hurts so
That something so strong
Someday will be gone, must say goodbye
So she gave up on you, just like that. She says she’s too afraid of the secrets you’re keeping, that she feels like she doesn‘t even know you, not well enough to spend the rest of her life with you. But if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, she’ll still be around. As a friend, of course.
But the love you gave me will always live
You laugh bitterly and tighten your fist around the paper in your hand. If only you did know me Catherine. If only you knew what he did.
You'll always be there every time I call
You’re standing in front of the mirror with vodka in your hand and you can’t stop the tears from falling. As much as you’re angry with her selfishness, you wish she was here to hold you, to tell you that everything will be ok.
You offered me the greatest love of all
Next, you’re at the table, pen scrawling hidden truths onto sheets of paper. You hope she’ll understand now why you couldn’t tell her, why you felt you had to keep your memories to yourself. You sign it, Goodbye Catherine. Do you know me now?
You take my weakness and you make me strong
.....
Catherine stands in Grissom’s office, the letter clenched in her fist. He steps towards her, ready to embrace her but she stops him.
“This is my fault. It’s all my fault.”
She runs down the corridor and it seems like an eternity before she’s standing there, looking down at the frail body.
She traces the fresh wounds on Sara’s wrists and breaks down, resting her head on Sara’s still chest.
“I didn’t mean it baby, I never meant to hurt you… I was afraid… I… I love you so much. I’m sorry. I wish you’d told me what your dad did… I’ll kill him Sara… I will, I’ll kill him for what he’s done to you.”
As she kisses Sara’s cold lips one last time, she knows that there will always be a part of her missing, a deep void that will never be replaced by anyone or anything. And it’s all her fault.
And I will always love you 'til forever comes
END
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