Subject: The complete Sardarji Encyclopaedia..it took me years > > > Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" > > > "Sure." > > > "Give me a green one, please." > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to > > > fly to Amritsar?" > > > Just a sec," says the rep... > > > Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up... > > > > > > EMPLOYMENT.... > > > Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He > > > promptly > > > filled the columns titled > > > NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc... > > > Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was > > > not sure as to > > > what > > > to be filled there... > > > After much thought he wrote : Yes > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > CROCODILE BOOTS.... > > > Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you > > > bring me a pair of > > > crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and > > > disappears. Finally a > > > search > > > is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and > > > watch him killing > > > a > > > huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs > > > and angrily > > > exclaims > > > "71st and *again* barefeet!" > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object... > > > He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" > > > The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." > > > The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk > > > responds, "It > > > keeps > > > hot > > > things hot and it keeps cold things cold." > > > The sardar says, "I'll take it!" > > > The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos... > > > His sardar boss sees him and asks, > > > "What is that shiny object with you?" > > > He said, "It's a thermos flask." > > > The boss then says, > > > "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things > > > hot and cold > > > things > > > cold." > > > The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" > > > The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it > > > home somewhere > > > in > > > Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because > > > he was getting > > > complaints like > > > "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? > > > He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !! > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional > > > white sheet of > > > paper ? > > > (he already has one and he wants one more..) > > > He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!! > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom > > > fighters. They were > > > planning for free Punjab... > > > Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab > > > from India but how > > > would > > > we develop it?" > > > That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta > > > Singh replied, > > > "No > > > problem! we'll > > > attack USA, it would take over us and then we would > > > be a state of USA > > > and > > > we'll automatically > > > get developed." All the surds became happy on this > > > very simple > > > solution > > > but an old surd did > > > not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he > > > wasn't happy. The > > > surd > > > replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN > > > IF BY CHANCE WE > > > TAKE > > > OVER USA ?????" > > > > > > ============================================= > > > > > > Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain... > > > "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman... > > > "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied... > > > He hurried home removed his turban and changed his > > > hair style, and returned to tell the salesman > > > "I would like to buy this TV." > > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied... > > > "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a > > > complete disguise > > > this > > > time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big > > > sunglasses, then > > > waited > > > a few days before he again approached the salesman... > > > "I would like to > > > buy > > > this TV." > > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied... > > > Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" > > > "Because that's a microwave," he replied... > > > > > > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * > > > > > > Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? > > > Because below 18 was not allowed... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence? > > > Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? > > > Pull the pin and throw it back... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? > > > Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? > > > Tell him a joke on Wednesday... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands > > > tightly over his > > > ears? > > > Trying to hold on to a thought... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Why do Sardars work seven days a week? > > > So you don't have to re-train them on Monday... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? > > > They always forget the recipe... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? > > > He threw it off a cliff... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? > > > A wind tunnel... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes? > > > The back of his head... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? > > > Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!)... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? > > > Just-one Singh... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms? > > > They think their picture is being taken... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes? > > > Toes Go In First... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? > > > It has a stamp on it... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Why can't Sardar dial 911? > > > They can not find the eleven on the phone > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > How do you get Sardar on the roof? > > > Tell him the drinks are on the house... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > "Oh, look at the dead bird." > > > Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where? > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common? > > > You always hear about them but you never see them... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as > > > opposed to a > > > regular > > > one? > > > You have to hollow out the head... > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > TO LOSE WEIGHT.... > > > The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight > > > kilometers a day for > > > 300 > > > days, he would loose 34 > > > kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the > > > doctor to report > > > he > > > had > > > lost the weight, but he had a problem... > > > "What's the problem?"asked the doctor... > > > "I'm 2400 kms from home." > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > > > > TRAIN TO LUDHIANA.... > > > Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station... > > > Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to > > > Ludhiana?" > > > "No," answers the Railway man... > > > "Can I?" asks Gani Singh... > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the > > > Dinosaurs start > > > approaching he is cowering in his seat when his > > > friend asks him "kyon > > > sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema > > > hi to hai" > > > Sardarji > > > replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema > > > hai lekin voh > > > to > > > janwar hai, usko kya pata " > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway > > > tracks and he > > > takes > > > along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops > > > him and asks > > > "kyon > > > bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies > > > "Saali train late > > > aati > > > hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt > > > sleepy so he gave > > > the > > > guy sitting opposite him on > > > the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station > > > arrived. This guy > > > was > > > a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the > > > sardarji deserved more > > > service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the > > > barber quietly shaved > > > off > > > his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was > > > woken up, and > > > he > > > went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, > > > and suddenly > > > screamed > > > when he saw the mirror... > > > Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The > > > cheat on the > > > train > > > has > > > taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else" > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his > > > knees and started > > > thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your > > > donkey is missing; > > > what > > > are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I > > > am thanking Him > > > for > > > seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that > > > time, otherwise > > > I > > > would have > > > been missing too." > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the > > > birth certificate > > > "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come > > > you write > > > "Chinese" > > > when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a > > > newspaper, it > > > says > > > that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese." > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to > > > the outer space > > > ... > > > The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" ( > > > its the barking > > > sound > > > ) > > > "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" > > > "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" > > > "Sardarji!" "Woof." > > > "Stop > > > barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!" > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which > > > has a Clock > > > Tower > > > when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on > > > the Tower... > > > Sardarji > > > says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go > > > get a ladder." The > > > man > > > took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for > > > several hours > > > the > > > Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next > > > day the Sardarji > > > is again > > > walking along the same > > > street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a > > > thousand > > > rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives > > > him the thousand > > > and > > > says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go > > > get a ladder." > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE > > > Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They > > > managed to get > > > into > > > a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to > > > get a bottom > > > seat, > > > But > > > unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a > > > while when the rush > > > was > > > over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He > > > met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in > > > front with both > > > hands, > > > scared to death... > > > He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' > > > on? Why are you so > > > scared ? I > > > was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta > > > replies. "Yeah, but > > > you've > > > got > > > a *driver.*" > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The > > > doctor asked > > > him > > > what had happened to his ears and he answered, " Iwas > > > ironing a shirt > > > and > > > the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone > > > I accidentally > > > picked > > > up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor > > > exclaimed > > > in > > > disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?" > > > "The scoundrel > > > called > > > back." > > > > > > * * * * * * > > > > > > ----- End of Sardarji's Encyplopaedia -----