| THE REAL REAL ME Kacey Ainsworth: Filming the rape for EastEnders PINT-SIZED EastEnders star Kacey Ainsworth is at the centre of one of the most harrowing storylines in soaps. Domestic violence. She plays Little Mo, the Slater sister we've seen raped by her own husband, Trevor. The shocking scenes are due to reach boiling point over the holiday period. EastEnders is screened on BBC1 on Christmas Eve at 8pm, and there are two episodes, as always, on Christmas Day, at 5.55pm and 8.30pm. Kacey lives with her boyfriend Darren in Hertfordshire. We met at the EastEnders studio at Elstree. Bright, articulate and very open, she is the opposite of the pathetic put-upon character. I KNEW I had an eating disorder when my boyfriend sat me down and cried. He actually cried. Darren's a big guy. A plumber. A bloke's bloke, a real proper geezer. But he wept. He said: "I just don't know what to do. You're wasting away in front of my eyes." We were sitting half-way up the stairs at our house. He said: "I love you, and I'm so scared of saying anything. Or putting pressure on you to eat." And that's when Irealised I'd gone too far. He didn't say: "You're too skinny." It was that word. Wasting. I was too. I was tits on a stick. Anorexic. I was under 61/2 stone, not much when you're 5 ft 2ins. I'd been 81/2 stone before. It's only now, a couple of years on, when I look at photos, Ican see I was a bag of bones. I wore Gap Kids clothes. I'd always wanted to be thin, it stemmed from when I was nine. I'm 31, now. I was meant to sit on this actor's shoulders, and he shouted at me, in front of the whole company: "I'm not doing that, she's too fat." I suppose I wasn't the skinniest kid. That's when I was put on a diet. Suddenly, you start separating food into good and bad. In my teenage years I'd have a fag for lunch. After drama school it was the Ally McBeal look. It tipped over into anorexia in 1998 and 1999, when I was at theNational Theatre. I was over-exercising and under-eating. Doing a six-mile run round Hampstead Heath every day, eating just a cheese scone for lunch. Obsessed. I'd yomp to Covent Garden and back for it. At night I'd turn up late, and go: "Oh, have I missed dinner?Coffee's fine." I cut myself off socially, because that involves eating and drinking and being merry. And it made me so devious. You hide behind bulls*** like: "I've had a virus." I weighed myself constantly, thrilled every time I'd lost. You're always happy when you'vegot that rumbly feeling inside your stomach. But the night that Darren cried I felt dreadful. So guilty. Then my sister said: "You've got no arse. It's one thing being like a whippet, and another having no bum." My friend Sarah said: "Right, I'm going to tell you what you're doing to yourself." She said: "Your body will start eating itself. It goes for the biggest muscle first. Your arse." THE concept of the body eating itself gives you the idea of maggots. I had no periods, revolting bad breath. I had to do something. I had wonderful help from Darren's mum, who works with kids with eating problems. His sister too. Without them all, I think I'd probably have been hospitalised. Kerry said: "You're obsessive, you always have been. You need to move your obsession on tosomething else. What do you want to do?" I said: "I'd like to train for the London Marathon." Darren went: "You're not bloody running any more!" But Kerry said: "I'll do it with you, and we'll go on a proper plan. An eating plan." It forced me to start eating normally. And in six weeks I'd wake up and think: "I'm hungry, I'll have some toast." Rather than thinking: "I'm hungry, I'll go for a run." Darren threw away the scales. I did the London Marathon 2000, a brilliant experience. I'd never have had the energy before. It moved my head somewhere else. And since I've been here at EastEnders I don't have time to worry. I'm about eight stone now, a size 8 to 10. But I still don't pig out. I'm not going to lie and say: "Oh yes, I eat three really healthy meals a day." Some days I do, some days I don't. But I'm not obsessed about what I've got in my gob. All food is allowed. And that's the difference. I was quite sporty as a kid in Hertfordshire, I did ballet. The acting was a complete fluke, although I was always Mary or the Angel Gabriel at school. The other kids must have loathed me. I wonder if they tell their mates now: "She was always showingoff. No wonder she's an actress. Cow." At nine, as a laugh, I auditioned for the West End musical Annie and got it. I started working, and was in it, on and off for three years. It was a wonderful experience, but I got a lot of stick. The teachers would say: "You're not on stage now!" And Ithought: "I don't want to do this any more." It wasn't until I was 19, and working in advertising at Saatchi's, that I realised: "I do want to act." I joined the Young Vic, had a great time, met like-minded people, and that was it. Afterwards I did quite well, although I spent a lot of timewatching Richard and Judy and going: "When's the phone going to ring?" I was thrilled to get EastEnders. We'd all auditioned together, and I thought: "I really want to work with these birds, because they're such a laugh." And so we have, since we Slaters started 18 months ago. I love it, I really do. Recently, of course,the storylines have been so harrowing that sometimes I go home and want to hang myself. The whole domestic violence thing has been very hard, but it's given me so much insight into why people stay with husbands in that situation. And you get realcompassion for people who are locked in that world. You think you'd walk out. But it's so not that easy. Just filming the violent stuff, it's very odd. You feel very meek and insecure. You suddenly feel very small. And filming the rape made me feel sick. Really ill. But there are women who are living that. So I can get off my, "Oh, it was terrible" high horse. But it does affect you. The Christmas and New Year episodes are shocking. I'm just so happy I go home to Darren. He's brilliant, very uncomplicated, very protective. Keeps my feet on the ground. I fancy him, oh yeah! All the time. He's 6ft 3ins, sturdy, and in very good shape, he's always bending pipes and stuff. He makes me laugh, he always has. We went out first when we were 15, he lived in my village. We broke up but we always kept in contact, there was always a little buzz. I got engaged to an actor after drama school, bumped into Darren and told him, and hejust went: "No, you can't get married! Come away with me." It was one of those drunken conversations, and I told him not to be silly. Then my engagement broke up, for no reason other than it had run its course, and I bumped into Darren again and he said: "Are you married now? No? Good. Do you want to come outnext week?" And the courtship started again. We're destined to be together. We're engaged, even though I told him: "I'm not the marrying kind." He says as long as I love him, it doesn' t matter. I can't wear the ring at work, but it's lovely. He helped to make it, which is quite amazing. He's got hands like tree trunks, and he made this tiny little thing with a local jeweller. Designed it, put it round a bit of copper pipe from work to get thebarrel of it. I can't help hamming.. )MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL I HAVE food fads, almost pregnancy cravings, although I'm not pregnant. It's ham at the moment, I can't live without ham sandwiches. With ketchup. A couple of thin slices of on-the-bone ham from Waitrose, brown bread, bit of butter. Slathered with tomatosauce. Perfect! I have them every day, and so does Darren. We buy 20 slices at a time. We might as well buy the whole thing, hang it in the kitchen, and just chew it. MY FAVOURITE DRINK I LOVE vodka, and I love champagne cocktails, but tequila is my party drink. I love the whole drama of tequila slammers. Your salt and your lemon or lime to lick, and the whole rigmarole. A shot of tequila in a tumbler, whiz round, slap it on the table,chuck it down your neck. I've never had a problem with booze. My dad was an alcoholic and I saw him go through all that. But he's been sober for ten years now. So proud of him. MY BIGGEST VICE WHEN I'm not on set, I don't smoke at all, but here I do. Everybody does. You're in the Green Room and somebody goes: "Anybody want a fag?" And that's it, you're lost. Now my fag consumption is up quite a bit. I don't dare count. MY HEALTH SECRETS I TAKE a multi-vitamin, evening primrose oil, a female herbal complex with agnus castus, lyceine, and vitamins B and C. If I'm nervous, I take kava kava. And I drink lots of water. But it means I'm peeing constantly, which is very annoying, becausethere's no bog up on the lot. When you say you have to go, some directors go: "Can't we do this shot?" I go: "OK, I'll just go in The Vic, then." Does the trick. MY EXERCISE REGIME I'M quite fit despite the long hours here. I've got a trainer at the gym over the road, I see him once a week and do weights and stuff. I'd love to do yoga but it's hard to go to anything regularly. I still run, but mainly I walk, particularly with thedogs. MY FESTIVE FARE I ADORE Christmas. It's the whole family thing, we've got such great family on both sides. I've got my Mum and Dad, Darren's Mum and Dad, his sister and her boyfriend, all coming to our house for Christmas dinner. Me cooking? B******s, am I! My mum'sdoing the turkey, his mum's doing the pud, and all I'm doing is the veg. That's a result.Picture: NEIL COOPER/SCOPE We'd love to have kids. I'm getting very broody. We're not trying, but we've talked about it. Before, we'd said: "I' m not ready. Are you?"But now? I think it's because we watched Cold Feet. We looked at each other and went, "Aaaw!" But that's the future, and I'm really enjoying the present. Things are going really nicely. I've worked bloody hard for what I've got. I was told: "You won't work until you're 40." Because I'm not your beautiful, leggy model type. I often feel I'm thegirl from nowhere, and now I'm being rewarded for taking the risk, leaving my well-paid job. I love my work. I've got Darren, a nice house and four Labradors. I've just bought a Lotus Elise and finally I can afford to treat my friends and family who supported me. Mum used to give me a tenner every week, which means something when you're livingon lemon curd sandwiches at drama school. And, of course, ultimately they cared enough, and saved me from my anorexia. And for that I'm so grateful. It's lovely to be able to treat them. So it's going to be a good Christmas. In fact I'm being very festive and annoying to everyone! A very happy Christmas. I think it will be. NINA MYSKOW, THE REAL REAL ME Kacey Ainsworth: Filming the rape for EastEnders. , The Mirror, 12-21-2001, pp 28,29. |
 |
| Home About Kacey Pictures Quotes Updates Links Fanfiction Guestbook Sign I View |