Oh, yay, she was dreaming again. She made no attempt to open an eye, she only had strange dreams like this after drinking, and she had no desire to wake up to a hangover and the wreckage that surrounded her life. She heard an alarm clock blaring somewhere, far off and distant, as she was floating up, up...off the soft leather she�d been resting on, pressed against something warm and soothing as she...
Lilah�s piercing scream woke up her entire block as the cold water hit her. It blasted her out of her dream world, sending her crashing back to earth. Her eyes flew open, promising murder on the person holding her with an amused smile on his face.
Offhandedly, Wesley wondered if we would ever fully regain his hearing.
�Good, you�re awake. I was rather worried, you weren�t responding, and I wouldn�t be surprised if you drunk yourself to death.� He said nonchalantly, even though he�d been worried sick about his lover all night. He looked down at the woman in his arms, shivering, hung over as hell- he�d made sure to keep the lights off in the bathroom- and wearing only black silk gown he�d found her in last night, passed out on the couch after her night of drunken conversation with Angel.
Her harsh words flickered back into his mind, he dismissed them, wondering if Lilah would be all right. He�d already checked her schedule; she didn�t have to be in until the late afternoon. He had rationalized that he didn�t want her to get in trouble at work, reading through her little black book that was jammed full of meetings and apocalypses, and maybe, just maybe, he wanted some time with her.
She glared at him, sputtering and her teeth chattering as she reached for the hot water knob. Her head was pounding like Hell; at least Lilah didn�t throw up after hangovers anymore. She could still remember the days back at Stanford University when she�d wake up after a night out with her sorority sisters by the toilet. She was pissed as Hell, however, had no idea what Wesley was doing there with her. She didn�t remember him showing up...
She remembered Angel, though, and was having a field day mentally beating herself up. She�d sat their, spilling her guts out to her enemy, drank way too much, and she had to be at work at three. She was beyond embarrassed, humilation, and all she wanted to do was curl up under her blankets and sleep away her migraine.
�Let me go, Wesley.� she growled, pushing weakly against him, feeling trapped and needing to escape, her words from last night coming back to her too quickly. The movement caused her head to pound more, and he ducked her under the warmer water in response. �I�m gonna kill you once the world stops moving, you know that?�
�I�m sure you will,� he muttered, stepping fully into the shower with her. He had half a right mind to dump her in the shower there, but she�d probably drown, and Wesley didn�t want to deal with murder right now. He was confused and Hell, yearning to get the Hell out of there and take a long walk, he didn�t know where to, but anywhere but here, with her slender body shivering in his arms, pressed up against him. Her vulnerabilty both suprised and aroused him, keeping him there, almost frozen to her side. Her eyes were burning with the fire that Wesley loved to ignite in her, and he wanted nothing more than to lay her down in her bed and screw her brains out, but he knew he shouldn�t. She was hung over, vulnerable, and things now were too complicated to just try to forget them through sex. He lifted her up, carried her into her room, wrapping her in a towel and handing her two Tylenol and some water. She looked at him, still angry. She didn�t know why he was being so considerate, it angered her. He would hurt her and forget about her for his pet whore, and then come back and take care of her like this?
�What�s this for?�
�Your hangover,� he said, looking at her square in the eyes, regretting it. He had to get out of here. He�d watched her sleep all night, keeping watch to make sure she didn�t end up dying from alcohol poisoning, keeping a vigil almost. He wasn�t sure why he cared so much, but all night, he�d thought of her, her long legs and eyes that pierced through his skin, pouring her heart out to Angel. The jealousy had almost consumed him that night, the knowoledge that she�d opened herself up to someone, and it wasn�t him. Her revelations had also scared him. He�d never known he�d held such power over Lilah, she�d given him that present, but it was just the tip of the iceberg. He�d sensed her at the conference, watching Fred, looked out of the corner of his eye to see jealousy and hate and anger and something that looked like hurt staring out of them. He�d wanted to go over, but something had stopped him, he wasn�t sure. He hadn�t wanted to make a scene, really didn�t want Angel to see him- he�d planned to just grab her afterwards, but by then, she was gone. He�d watched Angel watch Lilah, watch him. He kept hearing her words, quietly uttered by a broken voice to his former friend last night,
�... If I fall in love, it ruins everything, and trust me, I�m fighting whatever I feel with every weapon I�ve got, it�s just... We�re obsessed. I stalk, he stalks, and we end up in bed. Fucking at first, and now it�s soft and nice, not so much about the hate. We�re both down and out, and we both care, and it was supposed to just be all simple, and...�
He felt the same way as her; it scared him, knowing that his sorceress was under the same spell as him. It excited him, yes; he knew that some part of him wanted to control Lilah and make her crave him as he craved her, maybe give their relationship a purpose other than sex- if there wasn�t already one. He was still shaking from not being able to wake her up, calling her name and shaking her gently, then harder, even slapping her. He had been almost desperate enough to call an ambulance, fearing the worse. Losing her scared him a bit, yes, maybe it was the good intentioned Watcher still lurking somewhere in him, and maybe he did have damnable feelings that ran too strong for him. The insane lust, the strange love between them that shouldn�t be.
She was still staring at him, gulping down her Tylenol. Dammit, her head was aching and the world still hadn�t stopped moving so much, and it didn�t help that his gaze was intensely burning her skin, fixated on her face. She wondered which one here was really the drunk one.
But then again, she liked the feeling of Wesley�s eyes on her, as if he was spellbound. God, if he only knew what she�d said last night... She�d rather die than let Wesley know that much. She was supposed to be the spell-caster, not him. Now he made her just as crazy, as needy, as wanting of him as he was of her. It shook the very foundations of Lilah�s being, the fact that she�d let someone in this much, and that she couldn�t get him out.
His eyes were making her uncomfortable, in many ways... the strongest way was the way that she suddenly wanted him so much. She pulled him closer to her, with a sudden movement that almost caused her to lose her balance, and she kissed him. He held her up, she was too dizzy to support herself, and his kisses were making the world spin so much faster..
God, he loved kissing her. She tasted like liquor and smelled like ylang-ylang, and he knew that he shouldn�t, her spell was so strong, and he wanted to feel this. He�d planned on waking her up and making passionate love- not fucking or screwing or just sex, but something more. It wasn�t truly making love, no, since they weren�t in love, but it wasn�t animalistic or fueled by hate or even just lust anymore. He carried her over to the bed, laying her down and stripping the towel and the wet gown off of her. He murmured in her ear, between kisses so deep that they felt like they might burst,
�This is wrong.� He wanted her, needed her so badly, God, he craved her, but they needed to talk about this, about what he heard, what was said.
�Why?� she asked, nipping at his neck, a bit unnerved at the sudden appearance of Wesley�s conscience. He ran his hands through her hair, kissing her shoulders, slipping covers over them since she was still slightly shivering, which worried him. He�d probably gone and given her pnuemonia or something, and while torturing a bedridden Lilah would be fun, he didn�t think she�d be a princess sick. She already had proven to be a bitch drunk.
�Because, this was supposed to be simple,� he said. She stilled slightly, looking at him with a steely eye.
�Why isn�t it simple anymore?� she purred, wondering if Wesley was a member of the psychic friends or something.
�Because... we�re obsessed.�
Wesley found himself being thrown off her, her icy glare making him the cold one.
�You... were spying on me?� she shrieked, and Wesley noted that he�d probably just royally fucked up. He�d just invaded her sense of privacy, her trust, the little that she had in Wesley suddenly wrecked at this discovery, the wounds that were closing being ripped open.
�You not only spied on me, you followed me.� He retaliated coldly, not really wanting to fight, but not being able to help it, either.
�I went there on my own business.� she said stonily, wrapping the blankets tighter around her.
�Lilah.� he said, almost chidingly, like a patronizing father. He gave her a look, and sat on the bed next to her, she moved to the opposite side, desperate to distance herself from him. �Jesus, you�re acting like a child!�
�I think I have good reason to be! You�re spying on me!� There was a genuine look of hurt on Lilah�s face, and he stopped her as she reached for her Valium in her bedside drawer. He wanted to smack her, she knew he hated her taking that stuff, it was dangerous and it would probably be the end of her. She�d told him once that she�d started taking it in college and had only recently virtually stopped- mainly thanks to him.
�What the Hell else was I supposed to do? Walk in, say hi to Angel and then try to talk?� He roared, holding her wrist in his hand, tightly enough to keep her from escaping, loosely enough to keep from hurting her. He knew hurting her would get them nowhere, and letting her run away would help much, either.
God only knows when he stopped wanting to hurt her.
�Yes! No. I don�t know!� she threw her hands up in the air, curling her legs closer to her. �Besides, why the Hell did you want to talk to me? To tell me all about how wonderful and fantastic Fred is, how she�s so sweet and how you�re leading her to the dark side? Well, you even failed there. Gunn killed Seidel, not her! So congratulations, Wesley!� Her jealousy was at it�s highest level now, blindsiding him and almost making him speechless.
�You think I don�t know that, Lilah?� he asked with a voice as cold as steel. �I do. But I helped Fred as a friend. I know I can�t have her. She made that clear last night.�
�Oh, so what was I? The consolation prize?� she snarled, moving as far away as she could without falling off the bed. She was aching inside; felt like she was falling apart, just wanted to sleep and not wake up, pretending to be floating in his arms again.
�Don�t be silly, Lilah.�
�Oh, I�m silly, now? Get out, Wesley. I don�t need you to patronize or tell me more lies. I�ll call you and let you know if I want anyone to spy on me.� Her voice was cold; she was pleading with him to go before...
�Fine, Lilah. I can�t believe I thought for a moment that you could be more than a self-righteous bitch.� The words stung more deeply than any of his others- Wesley had thought more of her? She turned to say something, anything, probably a �what do you mean?" but he was gone, and she curled up, letting herself fall over.
For the first time in seventeen years, Lilah Morgan wanted to cry. The last time she�d cried had been her father�s funeral and she�d prided herself in never giving in since. Still, even the Ice Queen of the City of Angel couldn�t keep the tears inside.
Wesley strode towards the door, resolving to find the closest liquor store, and stopped. His conscience was screaming at him, so was everything else but his anger. He wanted to leave, and walk away, but Jesus, the spell was too strong to break. He needed her, wanted her, he was aching. He�d seen the hurt in her eyes, as if he�d thrust a knife into her- he knew that look well. He�d been the one to create it, wasn�t he?
But the woman was being so damnably irritable, and sensitive and...
He was walking back towards her room. He descended on her, kissing her neck, prying her body out from it�s balled position to passionately kiss her, holding her tightly. She lay there, not moving or responding, not being able to, trying to shut the kisses out until he whispered in her ear,
�You�re right. I�m obsessed.� She started to talk again, something Wesley didn�t necessarily want right now, so he smothered her mouth again. Her arms slowly snaked around his neck, she began to kiss him back with as much need and desire.
�I need you, damnable woman. You have no idea how much I need you... want you...�
She looked at him with eyes half-glazed with passion, half-awake with fear. She didn�t love him, she couldn�t love him, she wouldn�t love him, she was too afraid to love him, to let him back in...
�I don�t love you... I can�t.�She didn�t know if that last part was true.
�I know. I don�t love you, but this is changing and complicated and you know what, I don�t give a damn.� he whispered into her ear, moving back under the covers as she slipped his pants off.
�Why not?�
He grinned, almost purring as he slid into her, saying, �Because, Lilah. I�m obsessed.�
***
Lilah had woken up smiling again, stretched out against Wesley. He was already watching her, running his hands down her curves. She was so soft under his touch. He�d had to admit, knowing she was slightly softer than usual for Angel last night had made his blood boil. But he knew only he could make her this soft. He�d woken up only five minutes ago, and immediately immersed himself in his favourite activity of Lilah-watching.
�Do you always watch me sleep?� she�d asked, rolling over to face him, her hands idly playing in his hair. A small smile played on her lips as he relaxed in her touch, her perfectly manicured fingernails gently scratching his scalp.
�I wanted to make sure you�d wake up this time.� Lilah looked at the expression in her eyes. God almighty, he cared enough about her to had been scared, she realized. It gave her a small sense of satisfaction and... warmth. It made her feel warm inside, something that she hadn�t felt for awhile. It felt frightening to the woman who�s iciness was what gave her control, and yet, it also felt so damn good that she couldn�t fight it.
�I�m not going anywhere, Wes. I�m having too much fun here.� a playful glint was in her eyes, and she pounced him, kissing him hungrily. She felt sometimes, like she was drowning and he was the only one who could save her, other times like he was a burning fire that consumed her and wouldn�t let her go. He was whispering into her ear again, calling her his Circe.
�Oh, so my sirens attracted you?� she grinned, and he raised an eyebrow back.
�Maybe. But you�re the one who�s keeping me here.� he said, and all talking ceased- not that either of them minded. They didn�t need words to show how they felt, they couldn�t use words. Their bodies seemed to say what their mouths couldn�t. Wesley watched his sorceress; dangerous in her beauty and in the way they seemed to keep each other captive. God, he knew he was obsessed, and how fatal obsession could be, but frankly, neither of them gave a damn. Maybe there was a spell being cast, but the man nor his lady cared to break it.
End
Fiction
Home