She wondered which way he would go if it ever came down to that, whether then she�d finally find out what it was like to have her own throat slit. She�d always known that there was a line with Wesley, never been afraid to test it, but she had, and now she was.
She wished desperately it were five hours earlier, when they were still wrapped up in each other and too busy for any of the chaos and the apocalypses that plagued their world, when only they mattered. Back when he�d said it. He�d said it first, and she�d wanted to sing. Her heart still fluttered at the word.
Relationship.
She fingered her pocket, looking, feeling for the bill, and stilled when she found it was no longer there.
"Looking for this?" he growled, dangerously, angrily, holding it up. She had hurt him, dammit, she could see it in his eyes. Maybe she�d been wrong, maybe he did trust...
No. The look in his eyes made her knew he�d been close, but hadn�t yet. Her heart broke, she didn�t know why. She reached for the bill; he pulled it away, ready to rip it.
"No!" she found herself yelling. She didn�t know why, she had to keep it, in tact. A reminder, of then, she wasn�t ready to lose it yet. It wasn�t fair, it wasn�t fair, and she wasn�t ready for this to end yet. His eyes raised in surprise at her response.
He knew she had her soft side and her hard side, knew how to make each one come out, to show it�s face. He hadn�t expected, though, for her to actually care about that. But then, he�d seen the delight in her eyes, not just the triumph but the delight, that knowing that finally she�d had something else to cling to.
And he loved her soft side and her hard side, but damn her to hell, he�d tricked her! It wasn�t fair, wasn�t right- dammit, he�d come so close to trusting her that night with their sex becoming softer and their routines, their dinners out and movie nights and weekends locked up together, only for her to turn on him, and it had hurt him, wounded him, and this was icing on the cake. How quickly she could forget him for her work. How badly he was always forgotten, he�d learned that before.
He wanted to rip it, to tear it so badly. Instead, he slammed her into the wall, crushing her lips with his. She gave a small yelp, in pain, in pleasure, and he pressed harder, feeling her tremble. That�s right, Wesley, make her hurt like he did. He pulled back, waiting to see her half-pleasured eyes staring back at him, and instead, saw her eyes, wide with fear, her lip, split from where he�d broken it.
Oh, God. What had he done? He wanted to turn and run, wanted to fly away. He�d actually scared her- dammit, she actually gave a damn. She was trembling out of fear, and she looked about ready to bolt, to fight, and to scream.
"I�m sorry," he whispered. He turned to leave, she grabbed his hand. She didn�t know why, she just couldn�t, wouldn�t let him go.
"Don�t. I... This one�s my fault." she looked at him, begging in her eyes. �Don�t go, stay. I need to know everything�s all right. Kiss me like you did earlier. I�m sorry about the bill, I�ll never lose it again.� her thoughts ran, she needed him close to her again. She reached for him, he drew closer. Their mutual anger suddenly turned to fear at what could have happened that night. To lose all they�d had left, to fall again into loneliness, or worse, into the old habits and ways of the sex that was so painful it broke them both, even more than their already shattered souls.
He came back to her, his blood, his body crying for his touch.
"Sorry, so sorry," he murmured, kissing her mouth much more gently this time, tasting her blood on his lips. �Don�t be afraid, I didn�t mean... Can�t lose you, won�t lose you, so soft, so mine, need you.� his mind cried, screamed, and he ran a hand through her soft hair. His hand, wrapped in hers, slipped her the bill, and she slipped it in her wallet, on top of her ID card for Wolfram and Hart. She smiled, looking at him.
"Don�t lie to me, Lilah. That�s the one thing we have." She would never place him first, would he?
"I haven�t. I came back without the demon, without Cordelia, and I�m still with you, despite the threats and the added pressures to make up for my shortfall." she gave him a small smile, scared, so scared, she needed him closer. �I�m not lying, see that� Please, don�t go.�
"I�m a shortfall?" he asked, a grin the corners of his mouth. She relaxed. It was gone, it was over, and hopefully they could forget.
"Anything that could lead to me being all redeemed and Sweet Lilah Morgan- or worse, Lilah Wyndam-Pryce-" they both laughed at the ludicrous idea of a marriage, especially one involving Lilah, "scares the Hell out of them." She was starting to relax, their heartbeats dying down and starting up for a different reason. The craving for closeness, for touch, was still there. He pulled her to him, noting that the wound on her lip was already closing. He stroked it gently with his thumb. And then kissed her, starting gently, slowly moving towards passion.
"Wesley," she purred, pulling him closer. "Stay here. Tonight. We got cut short earlier, and I..." she trailed off, he was kissing her neck and she couldn�t speak when he did that.
God, she was soft, turning to putty under his hands. He ran his hands up, under her dress, and kissed her mouth again, fully.
"I need you," he gasped, and they were walking towards the bedroom in a flurry of kisses, trying to get closer and closer together, not wanting anymore barriers, separations. Need, obsession, lust, something not-love, something consuming like fire was running through them. They left behind a trail of shredded garments and false lives, in there; they were just Wesley and Lilah.
* * *
He ran his hands over her soft curves, watching her face, her eyes glazed over with passion. Soft, soft, so soft that it made them both want to scream, then hard, hard so she would. He pulled her in for another kiss, her soft lips- how could she look so hard and be so soft?- on his like petals. He pulled her closer, closer, needed to feel her next to him. On him, under him, didn�t matter. He needed her. He would whisper that in her ears, watching his dark temptress, his angel in black and grey and it didn�t matter what she was, she was his and all his, only his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, strung fingers in his hair, crying out his name. His warmth enveloped her, she couldn�t get close enough. The events earlier were forgotten, were long gone from their minds, not now, not here, where they were both each other�s, and no one else�s. She would whisper, "Never stop", and he would hold her tighter, closer, still running his hand down her body, fascinated. She wouldn�t let him stop, despite their teasing rhythms, never wanted for him to let her go. Here, nothing mattered. When she said never stop, it wasn�t just about the sex. It was about everything.
* * *
Morning came on the entangled bodies, sleep finally taking them as the sun rose, and as their demons returned. They had a couple hours for them to just in each other�s arms, he still kept her close, and she wouldn�t resist. As alarms sounded, Lilah watched him through heavy lids. They knew their time together was over, time for Wesley, the hardened warrior, and Lilah, the Queen Bitch of Lawyers, to take over. They finally pulled themselves out of bed- only to pull each other into the shower, continuing their passionate lovemaking from the night before, until they finally left for their separate worlds.
"See you tonight?" Lilah whispered through a kiss, damning herself to him. They�ll rot in Hell together, she knew, but maybe it wouldn�t quite be Hell.
"I�d better." He pulled away, missing her closeness immediately. One last look, and he left, leaving Lilah with a ripped dress and a treasured dollar bill.
Fiction
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