It's odd, watching all of us sitting here around this glass table, basking in the sunlight as some mindless drone of an accountant rambles on about the cost of one of our new projects. As usual, I pay no mind to it, since I'm in charge of ancient prophecies and my books, meaning that this doesn't concern me. Even if it did, I'd doubt I'd be paying attention, for she is wearing her patented smirk which I've found to be utterly captivating.
She, of course, is sitting next to Angel, the very spot that Cordelia once frequented. The Seer, the love of Angel's life still lies in a coma, being tended to loyally by her staff of devoted doctors, and Angel still locks himself away from her. He is fully involved with his company, learning the ropes, and of course, my Lilah would be the one to teach him. She looks almost ethereal in the sunlight that pores in here, through the filtered windows that keeps our resident vampire from spontaneously combusting. Today, she is wearing an ice blue blouse, silk, with a white lace camisole underneath that peaks out, drawing my attention to it where it refuses to leave. Her slender neck has a matching ribbon around it, smartly disguising the wound I inflicted one night so long ago, when things became painfully clear, though as the Fates would have it, much too late.
Or so I had thought.
She turns to Angel, her hair slightly falling back, making her look slightly softer than usual. I cannot help but tense as envy burns through me towards my friend. He is also focused on her, his eyes honed in on that neckline, white lace against slightly tanned skin, her crossed, long legs that I know from experience are just as smooth and soft as ever. Her eyes, however, are hard, cold towards the vampire, and I know that while she enjoys antagonizing him, she would much rather ram a stake through his unbeating heart- not surprisingly, I currently feel the same.
Her eyes flicker over to mine for a moment, and they have that strange look that I see too often now. Soft, yet distant, and seductive all at the same time- then again, Lilah is always seductive, the embodiment of temptation. Lorne once compared her to the snake in the book of Genesis, I found myself disagreeing that she is more of the apple, the temptation itself. I can feel that now, as she looks over me, her fingertips running along the top of the ribbon as Angel begins to blather about something, possibly about sending another team to check out the crater in Sunnydale. I, however, am completely focused on her as she uncrosses and re-crosses her legs, eyes shifting from Angel to me.
Is that how you want to play it, love? I ask her silently, and she grins. I hear a cough from down the table, and I'm certain that it's Gunn, rolling his eyes as usual. Despite him and I being on much better terms, he will most likely be cornering me in the hall, later, reminding me that she's not only evil but dead, and once Angel is done with her, she'll be sucked back into Hell where she, by his definition, belongs.
And I know Gunn is right, and probably just trying to keep me from falling into the same state that I did after her death, which caused me to put the life of my only Slayer in danger for the sake of vengeance. But I also know that I have given up on trying to resist the temptation that is Lilah. Tonight, one of us will find the other, and it will be another night of strangeness, sex that borders on an act that both of us fears even to bring up. I have tried to save her, countless times, and I will still try, despite the fact that I know I'm destined to fail, just like she's damned to an eternity in Hell. In the end, Wolfram and Hart wins, in her mind, and she seems to have given herself up to the fact, which is perhaps why she allows herself to soften when she's with me. She's made no pleas to Angel to stay on, not that I know of, even though he could easily take full control of her destiny- after all, the contract sits in his vault. However, I know my lover, she would never lower herself to that level. And I doubt he would listen to me, Angel is sometimes far too proud, and he also would rather watch Lilah grovel for it. I know Angel, and love him dearly, but Angelus lurks too close to the surface, feeding Angel's darker moods.
She has changed so much and so little. To the outside world, she is still Lilah Morgan, Hellbitch extraordinaire (as Angel has begun to call her), but with me, the moment we leave the office (it's always together now, much to the displeasure of the group), off goes that face, and I start to see glimpses at the human within. She's changed, I've changed, the definition of our relationship has changed entirely since her death. As she pointed out once, "It's funny how much can change when you're dead. Especially the things you think couldn't."
I feel jolted as Lorne rises, and realize that the meeting is over, and I stand, quickly, hoping no one realizes how distracted I was. Angel is seemingly oblivious, though I've learned that Angel is skilled at observing and not saying a word until the time is right. Fred, dear girl, is too caught up talking with Knox about something involving... science, I would guess, and too excited about being able to go with all of her new toys to Sunnydale. Gunn and Lorne, however, are looking at me all too knowingly, and Lilah has taken the opportunity to slip out of the room.
I nod at Angel, and quickly follow, eager to catch her. It's not like we bother to keep the fact that we're involved a secret, after all, leaving the office together- much less coming in- everyday is a bit of a dead giveaway. That, and Gunn alerted me to the fact that the entire office took bets on what was going on every time one of us entered the other office and the door was closed. (Apparently, Fred would be suffering some major losses to her former lover- her naivete is sometimes astonishing.) I manage to catch up to her, cupping her elbow with my hand and guiding her into a corner where we would be slightly more out of the way.
"Wow. You seem more eager than usual, Wes, if you're willing to go for it right here. Unfortunately, Angel wants me in his office to finish putting together the Sunnydale team- of course, I doubt you even heard that in the meeting." she purred, giving me one of her more seductive looks- something I most definitely did not need right now.
"Yes, well, if someone didn't seem so bent on keeping me distracted, I'm sure I would have." I responded, only to get her best attempt to look innocent- which only made her look more devious. "Actually, Lilah, I was just wondering what time you intended to leave tonight."
"Probably a little later than usual, why, you didn't make reservations anywhere, did you?" she grinned, referring to the little dinner fiasco a couple of weeks ago. I can't help but match her smile as I start to guide her towards Angel's office.
"Yes, well, I was just wondering. Don't want to be left at home with a burnt pot roast, you know." I playfully throw words I told her long ago back at her, and she laughs. I reach out, brushing some hair away from her face, and she stills.
"Wes, stop-" she protests. I'm highly aware that this is against all of our rules that we set long ago, and I've frankly gone the point of caring or reason. Right now, I'm being controlled by my desires- as Freud would put it, a slave to my id.
I kiss her, gently, softly, and wait till she begins to respond, then pull away, grinning as that familiar fire lights in her eyes.
"Damn it, Wes-" she starts, and I chuckle, pointing at Angel's office door, which we're now in front of.
"Sorry, Lilah, but it's your stop. I'll see you around 6-ish?" I move away, quickly, in case she's in one of her more volatile moods. Luckily, she settles down, and smirks, heading into his office.
"If you're lucky."
"Aren't I always?" I call after her, and get a slight laugh as she moves out of earshot, and I find myself grinning again, as she so often makes me do.
She may be damned, and it may be doomed, and yes, I hear them when they tell me all I'm doing is damning myself with her. But I'm beyond any semblance of caring, because at least I'd be damned with her.
End
Fiction