Title: Where You Find It

Author: Lena

Pairing: Ron/Remus, Ron/Harry, past Remus/Sirius

Rating: Chapter 4 - NC-17

Genre: War Fic, Angst, Romance, loads of things…

Warnings: Not really…although, I guess HBP pretty much didn’t happen…

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry or Ron or anything in the HP world. Darn it.

Summary: The War has started and Harry is missing. Ron finds someone surprising to love. Someone he never thought he would have so much in common.

Author’s Notes: Each chapter represents some of the different stages in a relationship. The pairing idea came from Matilda Bishop. So, thank you to her! And thank you so much, as always, to my beta and friend, Lorien_Eve.

Chapter Four - Fearing

Over the next week, Remus brought some things over to Ron’s flat. He had most of his things and his room at Grimmauld Place, which he knew he would still need during the full moon, but he started spending every night at Ron’s.

They hadn’t yet explained anything to Molly and Arthur. Ron wanted to, but Remus hesitated.

“Why not, Remus? I’ll tell Mum, then you can come to Sunday dinner.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Well, I mean…Sunday dinner? Your whole family? There’s so many of them.”

“Are you ashamed of this? Of us?” Ron touched Remus's hand.

“NO! No, I just…I, well…Ron, really…I’m so much older than you-”

“I don’t care.”

“And I’m…I’m a werewolf.”

“So? Not every minute. And you’d make sure I was safe.”

“Yes, but…well…”

“What the hell is it, Remus?” Ron let go of Remus's hand and leaned back against the wall, folding his arms across his chest.

Remus whispered, “Just how it’s going to end.”

Ron squinted his eyes in confusion. “End? What the fuck are you on about?”

“You know what I‘m saying. You said it before.”

“Are you afraid that Harry is going to come back? You don’t want him to come back?” Ron looked at Remus like he didn’t recognize him.

Remus comprehended what Ron meant. “Oh, Ron, no!! No! Oh, my God, of course I want us to find Harry, but I can’t help feeling selfish for wanting you. I know when Harry comes back, you’ll be with him. I’ve fallen in love with you, Ron. I want you for myself. I want to be with you, always. I want-” Remus's voice broke. “I want you.”

“Don’t feel selfish. It’s not being selfish for wanting to be with me. I care so much about you, Remus. I do, but I can’t lie that this may not last forever, even if Harry never comes back.”

Remus's heart dropped. He didn’t know what else he expected. He knew not to expect anything different than what he already knew.

Ron stepped towards Remus. He put his arms around him and pulled Remus close. Remus leaned into Ron. He was shaking. Ron couldn’t tell if he was crying, but it didn’t matter.

Ron held him for a long time. He stroked his hair and rocked him in his arms. He felt terrible about everything, but he knew he couldn’t lie to Remus and make him think things weren’t what they were or would turn out to be.

After a long while, Ron brushed his hand over Remus's crotch. He wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but he began kissing Remus all over his face, his scars, then to his neck.

Remus did not object, so Ron continued. He put his hands under Remus's shirt and brushed against the nipples. He pulled the shirt up to get access and licked one nipple, then the other. Remus moaned and his knees felt weak.

Ron moved down Remus's stomach, and then quickly undid his belt and his trousers. Ron roughly shoved them down to expose his cock.

Then Ron slammed Remus up against the wall nearest him, and then looked up at him with the blue eyes that made Remus melt and whispered, “Teach me, Remus. Teach me this…”

Remus watched as sweet, pink, heart-shaped lips enveloped his cock. Ron started gingerly, softly, being careful not to scrape Remus's cock with his teeth. He used his lips, his tongue, and the inside of his mouth to suck and pressure Remus's cock into rapture.

Remus pressed his hands against the wall, leaned his body, until he bumped his head on the wall behind him. He couldn’t moan or groan, or yell or scream. It was like his voice was being sucked out of his cock. He felt a trickle of sweat fall down his forehead.

Then he heard a *pop,* and he looked down and saw Ron smiling at him.

“Am I doing this right?”

Remus couldn’t speak properly; he just nodded his head frantically. Something like a “guhhhh…” emitted from his mouth. Argument forgotten, he didn’t want to think about anything but Ron Weasley being with him here right at that moment.

Ron placed the cock between his lips again and shoved it in his mouth. Remus banged his head against the wall until he saw stars.

Ron didn’t need anyone to teach him anything. He was a natural.

*****

Remus got up in the middle of night, not able to sleep. He stood by the window, and saw the moon at a near full phase. He knew by tomorrow night at dusk, he would need to go to Grimmauld Place. Alone.

He looked over at Ron, lying there, as tempting as ever. He stood, wondering how his life would’ve been different if Sirius hadn’t been sent to Azkaban, if Sirius had lived. He knew Sirius would’ve stayed with him always, but then he knew he never would’ve come to know Ron in this way.

He had regrets in his life, but he wasn’t sure he would change a thing. What a dilemma, he thought. He knew in his heart he would have preferred, obviously, that Sirius was still around, but as he turned from the window and walked closer to Ron and looked down at him, he decided if his life had to be this way, he was glad he had known Ron.

He had made a conscious decision to be happy. Most people are just happy in their circumstances, but Remus needed to tell himself all the time to be happy. He knew how the relationship with Ron might end, but he wanted to be with Ron now, and it felt good. He would be there for Ron as long as possible. As long as Ron wanted him.

He reached down and brushed Ron’s fringe from his eyes. Ron sighed in his sleep, and Remus softly chuckled. Ron looked so young when he slept, Remus realized. Looked like a boy. Remus shivered in the cool night air. He walked over to the window again, and spent the rest of the night staring out at the moon.

*****

Ron was quiet when Remus told him the next morning that he had to lock himself up in his room at Grimmauld Place.

“I’ll be back when the transformation ends.”

“Let me-” Ron started.

“NO! Don’t even think it! You know, no one stays at Grimmauld during these times. I won’t take a chance of hurting you. Go visit your family. You’ve spent too much time working lately…that, and you spend too much time with me…”

“But the Wolfsbane Potion-”

“Ron, you know that helps with the effects, but…”

Ron looked away, disappointed, but didn’t say anything. He knew he couldn’t go with Remus. Maybe a trip to the Burrow would do him good. Mum’s cooking, get the twins to come with him, see Ginny…

“Okay, you’re right. A trip to the Burrow for me.”

Remus began gathering his few things and putting them in his rucksack. When he was finished, he pulled it over his shoulder and looked at Ron, who was sitting on the couch with a forlorn look on his face.

“Ron…”

Ron looked up at him. “I’ll miss you, Remus.”

“I’ll miss you, too.” He reached down and touched Ron’s cheek. He smiled weakly.

Ron got up and threw his arms around Remus. He squeezed until Remus gasped. Ron was no boy, Remus thought. He was a strong, capable man.

“Ron, I’ll be all right. It’ll be all right.”

Remus kissed him hard and deep, letting their tongues tangle. Ron pushed against him and hugged him tight, again.

After a moment, Remus knew he had to leave, or he never would. He pulled himself forcefully away from Ron. “I have to go.”

“I know.” Remus squeezed Ron’s hand one last time, before letting go and Disapparating to Grimmauld Place.

Ron looked around the room, noticing how quiet it was. Remus was a quiet man, but the flat always seemed to light up when he was there. Ron sighed, and walked to the bedroom to pack for the Burrow.

*****

The twins were more than happy to join Ron for a trip home. Since it was the middle of the week, business was quiet, so they left their assistant to run things.

“MUM!”

Molly Weasley looked out the window to see what the commotion was about. Her children were adults, but when they came home, they reverted right back to arguing like they were ten years old. She shook her head and smiled. She enjoyed having the boys home. They didn’t do it often, especially Ron, and she loved the bustle.

In these times of war, the good times of family were getting less and less often. She wondered if she would ever have grandchildren, too. She pinned her hopes on the twins and Ginny. She knew the two older boys were much too busy, and Ron…well, Ron…though in this day in age, there were ways even boys like Ron could have children…

She let her mind wander, and didn’t notice Ron coming in.

“MUM!”

Molly jumped. “Oh, for goodness sake’s, Ron!” But she smiled at him. “What is it?”

“Fred keeps changing one of the gnomes into a spider!”

Molly walked over and opened the backdoor. “Fred Weasley! You stop that this instant!”

“Aw, Mum!”

“Enough! If you insist on playing with the gnomes, then you can weed them out of the garden!”

“MUM!”

“And George can help you!”

“What did I do?”

Molly slammed the backdoor shut, but not before Ron, towering behind his mother, stuck his tongue out at his brothers.

“Ronald…” Molly warned.

Ron put a look of innocence on his face, as his mother turned to look at him.

Molly raised an eyebrow at Ron.

He grinned widely.

Molly moved back over to the stove and continued fixing dinner, shaking her head at her youngest son.

Ron sat at the table and picked at a frayed hole in the placemat in front of him.

“When’s Dad coming home?”

“Oh, I expect in an hour or so.”

There was silence in the kitchen, except for the bubbling pot of stew on the stove and the soft murmurs of Molly’s incantations.

A few minutes passed in quiet, until Ron asked, “Can I talk to you, Mum?”

“Of course, Ron.”

“Um, it’s important stuff.”

“Talk to me, Ron. I promise I won’t say too much until you’re done.” She stayed turned to the stove, wanting to let Ron talk as he needed.

“Well…er…I’ve…um…been seeing someone.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, um…he’s kind of older, but we get on really well…I’ve been wanting to tell the family, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and…Mum?”

“Yes, Ron?”

“It’s Remus Lupin.”

“I want you to be happy, Ron. Are you happy?” She continued looking at the stew, even though it was done.

“Yes, I am. I enjoy his company. He’s one of the kindest men I’ve ever met. He’s good to me.”

“Do you love him, Ron?”

Ron was silent for a moment, then said, “Yes, but I was honest with him. If Harry is found, I have to see if things will work with him. I feel like I really belong with Harry. I felt so bad having to tell Remus that, but I had to. Does that make me a horrible person?” Ron slumped forward and placed his chin in his hands. He stared at the large hole he made in the placemat.

Molly turned around and walked towards her son. She sat down at the table and touched his hair. She held back a ‘tsk‘ at the length of it. “Ron, look at me.”

Ron looked up and clasped his hands in front of him.

“Sometimes people have to do things that may seem to hurt other people, but they have to do them anyway. You haven’t lied to Remus. You have been upfront. He’s a grown man, who has been through a lot in this life. He knows that many things don’t last forever. He learned a long time ago to grab happiness when he could.”

“I think that’s what he thinks, actually…but, Mum, that doesn’t seem fair. I make it sound like Remus is just good enough until Harry comes back.”

“I don’t mean to be harsh, but isn’t that what you do mean?”

“No. Well…but, I really don’t mean it that way. I told him that even if Harry never comes back, it might not last between us.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because it just seems that way. That maybe I’m with Remus right now because it’s what’s good and right for now. I’m just not sure it’s meant to last forever.” Ron leaned back in the chair and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know what the hell I mean.”

“I had another boyfriend before your father.”

Ron looked at his mother in shock. “I thought Dad…”

“He was a wonderful boy. Nice, kind, good to me. I cared about him, but when I met your father, I knew Arthur Weasley was the man I was to spend the rest of my life with. Is that how you feel about Harry?”

Ron felt his eyes sting and he knew he was very close to bursting into tears. “But what if Harry isn’t found?”

“Then you will go on with life, as Remus has.”

“Oh, Mum! He wants Harry to come back, of course, but he’s afraid for that day, because he knows what will happen. How could I do this to him?”

“Ron, don’t underestimate Remus and don’t feel sorry for him. He never makes decisions without careful consideration, and although he knows how you feel about Harry, he has continued with the relationship. So, maybe he has decided that you,“ she pointed her finger at her son, “are what is right and good for him now, too.”

Ron whispered, “I miss Harry terribly…it hurts not having him here, but I’ve been happy with Remus. I do care about him so much.”

“Then enjoy what you have at this moment, Ron.”

Molly got up from the chair and walked around the table. She reached down and hugged her most sensitive son. She had known, or at least guessed, about Remus and Ron. She was a mother, and mothers always knew about their children.

“Mum!” Ron choked, and turned in his chair to clutch his mother. He hugged her tightly back, as a few tiny tears squeezed from under his long lashes.

She patted his hair and said, “Tsk! This hair! Where’s my wand?”

Ron coughed out a laugh and pulled away from his mother. He looked up at her. “Thanks, Mum.”

She touched his chin, and then pinched his nose. “You’re welcome, dear. And tell Remus that I expect you and him to come to dinner on Sundays!”