Title: Missed Chances1-2/5
Author: Lena

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Angst, Romance
Spoilers: OotP
Disclaimer: The guys are JKR's, but I love them.
Summary: Harry/Ron. Missing scenes from OotP.

Feedback: Sure! [email protected]
Thanks to my really cool beta Lorien_Eve.

Summary: From page 497 OotP (US edition) - Harry had his "dream" about Mr. Weasley and is now at the Grimmauld Place in his bed, hiding from the world. Ron comes in to tell him dinner is ready, but instead of leaving quickly, Ron comes in.

Harry was frightened. He didn't know what Ron thought of him. Was Ron, his best mate, pulling away from him, because Voldemort possessed him, Harry? It was upsetting to think that Ron didn't want to be around him.

Harry didn't hear the door shut; yet he wasn't sure Ron was still there. He lay very still, facing the wall, undecided as to what to do.

Ron said, "Harry?" Harry heard the door click shut, so he turned over on his back. His body jerked in fright when he saw Ron in the shadows of the room.

Ron said, "I knew you were faking."

Harry's body remained rigid and he was irritated that Ron tricked him. He turned his head towards Ron and said coldly, "'Cause I don't feel like talking. Leave me alone. I want to go to sleep."

Ron walked closer and said with a bit of sarcasm, "Really? When's the last time you slept?"

Harry really wanted to hit that smirk off Ron's face. Ron continued, "...And your glasses are still on."

Harry felt his temper rise. "Go away."

"Harry, come on, talk to me!"

Harry leaned up on his elbows and shouted, "GET OUT!"

Ron had a defiant look on his face and stood in front of Harry with his hands clenched. "It's my room, too!!"

Harry knew he was being stupid, but he didn't care. Harry swung his legs to the floor, got up and said, "Fine, I'll leave."

Ron shoved Harry and he bounced back on the bed. Harry curled his right arm back as if to punch Ron. Ron looked incredulous and said, "What are you doing?"

Harry stared at his own clenched fist like it belonged to someone else. He dropped his arm to his side and whispered, "I don't know...I...how can you stand to be near me?"

Ron's features and voice softened. "You're my best mate."

Ron sat down next to Harry on the bed. Harry turned towards him. "But, Ron, I saw what happened to your dad. I saw him because...I was the snake."

Ron shook his head vigorously. "Don't be daft. You weren't the snake."

"Okay, then I'm possessed by Voldemort!"

Ron sighed with exasperation. "Harry, you're not and anyway, you saved Dad's life."

Harry picked at the frayed hem on the bottom of his shirt. His voice quivered, as he said, "That's what Sirius said."

"Well, it's true!" Ron said.

Harry swallowed hard and said nothing. He disagreed with Ron and Sirius, but he didn't want to argue anymore.

Ron put his arm around Harry's shoulder. Harry ached to be comforted. He laid his head on Ron's shoulder. Ron patted Harry’s shoulder and let go. Harry longed for more, which unnerved him a little.

Ron whispered, "Do you want to come down for dinner?"

Harry shook his head no.

Ron said, "Okay, I'll bring up something then?"

Harry said, "Yeah, okay."

"I'll be back in a bit." Ron gave Harry a hard punch on the shoulder.

Ron got up and headed downstairs to fetch dinner, leaving Harry sitting on the bed contemplating. He knew he had the best friend anyone could have. Ron stuck with him through everything; his nightmares, all their troubles and adventures, when he knew Ron didn't have to.

He liked Cho a lot, but Harry had been feeling closer to Ron in a way that bothered him. He was fearful of his mixed feelings and his longing for two very different people. Harry frowned to himself as he rubbed the sore spot on his shoulder.

Harry heard Ron's footsteps echoing from the stairs. Soon, there was a kick at the door. The hairs on Harry's arm stood on end, as he jumped at the noise. He sighed at how edgy he was.

After another kick from Ron, Harry got up and opened the door. Ron was grinning as he held a plate of food in each hand. Harry's stomach suddenly growled in hunger, as he grabbed a plate and went to sit on the floor. Ron followed. They sat next to each other with their backs leaning against Harry's bed frame.

For the next few minutes the silverware was flying as the boys shoveled food in their mouths. Harry knew there was no conversation that wouldn't end up with them talking about Voldemort, so he was glad they had something to occupy themselves.

They finished their food and set their plates on the floor next to Ron's nightstand. Ron said, "Feeling better, mate?"

"Yeah, but I'm tired."

"You didn't sleep this morning, did ya, Harry?"

Harry looked up at Ron nervously. "No, I just...I don't know...couldn't. I was afraid to sleep. I thought I might hurt you."

"Hurt me?" Ron looked a little shocked.

Harry said hurriedly, "Yeah, that I'm possessed and would hurt you and I would never mean to do that."

Ron said, "Harry, you wouldn't hurt me and you're not possessed, how many times do I..."

Harry sighed and tuned out Ron's voice. Harry didn't really want to get into it again. He felt like Ron would never quite understand. Harry knew that Ron trusted him, but he didn't trust himself, or more accurately Voldemort.

Ron finally stopped talking and they were silent for a while. Harry noted that Ron seemed to be trying to distract himself by moving around some junk on his nightstand and wondered why Ron was acting so anxious.

Then Ron said, "Harry, why don’t you go to sleep for awhile."

"Yeah..."

Ron headed downstairs to dispose of the plates. Harry started changing into his pajamas. Was he finally going to get some sleep?

Ron came in as Harry was putting on his pajama shirt. Harry sat on his bed, as Ron changed. Ron grasped the bottom of his white t-shirt and pulled it over his head, to reveal a bare chest. Harry noted to himself, and not for the first time, how tall and muscular, Ron had got over the last year. Ron's red hair was longer than normal and it looked attractive curling down the back of his neck. Harry startled himself, when he realized he was admiring Ron. When had he started to appreciate Ron that way?

Harry turned to the window and looked at the sky. Bits of sunset had started to appear and shimmer into the room. He said, "It's still early. You don't have to go to bed."

Ron said, "I know." There was a long pause. Then Ron suddenly said, "You know I care about you, right?"

Harry turned back to him in surprise. He felt himself blush concerned that Ron had noticed Harry looking at him. Harry stumbled over his words in embarrassment, "Uh...er...yeah." He did know Ron cared about him, but Harry and Ron never really talked about their...feelings.

Ron fiddled with the clothes in his hands, and then threw them in a corner. "No, you don't."

"Yes, I do!"

"Okay, you do, but you never act like you deserve it."

Harry knew it was hard for Ron to understand because he had grown up in such a loving household. He wasn't used to feeling like he deserved anything, but a surge of love overcame Harry for his friend who cared so much.

Harry had this tremendous urge to hug Ron. Harry walked over and grasping him around his chest, hugged him. Ron was stiff for a moment, but then relaxed. He rested his forehead on Ron's shoulder. Ron squeezed Harry tight against him. Ron moved his hands slowly up and down over Harry's back. Harry felt odd. He and Ron had never touched each other like this, but it was soothing. He liked it.

Harry felt Ron's body tense again. Ron suddenly pulled away and said, "You're tired."

Harry was confused by Ron's abruptness. He hadn't meant to make Ron uncomfortable. Ron reached down and pulled Harry's covers down. He got the feeling Ron wanted to say something else, but Harry decided to let it go.

Harry pulled his glasses off and placed them on the nightstand. He got into bed and pulled the covers up. He punched at the pillow, to fluff it up, then laid back and said, "Thanks, mate."

Ron touched him on his cheek and let his hand linger. Harry felt a chill go up his spine. He said quickly, "'Night, Ron."

Ron pulled his hand away and ruffed up Harry's hair at little rougher than was necessary. Ron said, "'Night, Harry“, as he quickly turned away and got into his own bed.

Harry lay awake for a long time, all the while listening to Ron's loud, but slow, sleep-filled breathing. His and Ron's relationship was changing and Harry was totally confused. Did this happen to all friendships? Harry had never had a friend before, so he wasn't sure. All he knew was that they were growing up. This change had come gradual over a period of time, but Harry wasn’t sure when it started. He also didn't know whether this need to be close to Ron was appropriate. He decided he just didn't care; he needed to be near Ron.

Harry pushed the covers off himself. He took a blanket and pillow with him as he padded over to Ron's bed. He looked at Ron's peaceful freckled face. Harry curled up in a ball at the end of Ron's bed on top of the covers. He was quiet, as he did not want to wake Ron, even though that would have been difficult. He tucked the blanket around himself and the pillow under his head. Harry took care not to bump Ron, who was sprawled across the bed.

Thoughts jumbled through Harry's mind. He shut his eyes and tried to relax, but he just kept thinking about everything that had happened in the past few days. He opened his eyes and glanced at Ron, who always looked blissful when he slept. Ron was the only calming thing in his life at the moment, even with the disagreements they got into.

Harry closed his eyes again and drifted to sleep, thinking about his best mate and wondering what it would be like to fall asleep next to him.

The next morning.

Ron's arm flopped over his face. His foot was twisted up in his blanket and it was pressed up against something. He was semi-conscious but understood that his foot was in massive pain. He suddenly had a cramp, so he sat up in bed and reached for his foot to rub it.

Then he saw Harry.

Ron's foot cramp was forgotten and replaced by a fluttery feeling in his stomach. Harry was curled up at the end of his bed and Ron's foot was pressed up against Harry's thigh.

Ron did not want to wake Harry. Harry got precious few hours of sleep, but he really wanted to move his leg. He looked at the serene look Harry had on his face. Ron slowly bent his leg and pulled away from Harry.

Ron laid his head back down on his pillow and stared at the wall across from him. Harry seemed really needy lately, which was understandable, Ron supposed. He decided someone else should try to get Harry out of hiding. Ron had pushed Harry as far as he was willing.

He wanted to be there for his friend, but Ron was conflicted. He had this overwhelming urge to hug Harry and not let go. Unfortunately, he kept roughing Harry up instead. Ron didn’t mean to, he was just afraid.

Touching Harry made him totally uncomfortable. If he touched Harry for any length of time, he would edge towards a line Ron wasn’t sure he was ready to cross.

It was daybreak and Ron turned his head toward the window. He watched the sunrise peak over the hills and splash the sky with colors. He had noticed the night before the way the sunset shimmered colors over Harry’s face and reflected in his glasses. Ron knew exactly what these peculiar feelings were. He had five older brothers, after all. No one lives a house that crowded without learning some things a bit too young.

Ron lay awake for a long time, until Harry started to stir. Ron didn’t know how to ask Harry why he was in his bed. Ron sighed. He would probably wind up punching him.

Why didn’t he just admit to Harry that he cared about him more than he probably should? Because he wasn’t sure he wanted to do that to their friendship. He had silently berated himself the night before when he was a little too careless with his words. He couldn't believe how he had exposed his feelings. Ron squeezed his eyes shut. Ron's head was just a clutter of thoughts.

“Ron?” Ron’s eyes popped open. He saw Harry propped up on one arm and rubbing sleep out of an eye with the other.

Ron said, “Hey. Did you sleep all right?”

Harry yawned, “Actually, yeah!” Ron laughed and reflexively kicked him. He hit Harry's knee, which hurt Ron more than Harry. Ron grabbed for his foot.

Harry said, "Serves you right."

Ron just started massaging his foot and said nothing.

“Let me," Harry said and reached over and touched Ron's foot.

Ron felt his nerves short circuit, like a shock running through his leg. In nearly the same instant, Ron pulled his foot away and yelled, "NO!"

Harry looked crushed, while Ron felt like a jerk. Harry whispered, "Sorry.

Ron glanced at Harry. He had a huge lump in his throat. Ron said, "Come here." Ron was still under the covers, but he patted the covers next to him.

Harry crawled on all fours up next to Ron. Ron reached down to the end of the bed for Harry's pillow and placed it next to his own. Ron lay back down and Harry flopped down next to him.

Ron knew Harry was too close, especially when he turned to look at Harry and his face was no more than two inches from Harry's. Harry was lying on his side and had his arm tucked under his head.

Harry reached over with his other arm and placed it around Ron's chest. Ron's breath quickened. Harry moved closer to Ron, so his body was next to Ron's and his head leaned on Ron's shoulder.

Ron wondered if Harry was really that clueless. What the hell was Harry playing at? Two days ago, he was having a snog with Cho! Ron couldn't stand it anymore. His body was rigid with panic. He wanted to jump out of bed and run out of the room, but he knew that would hurt Harry's feelings. He was the one who told Harry to lie next to him. He felt like an idiot, so he did nothing.

Ron was so glad there were covers and clothes in between them. He continued to lay there as still and stiff as a corpse. He had to find a way to move.

Ron stammered, "So...are you going...downstairs?

Harry shook his head.

"Why?"

"I just don't want to."

Ron decided to let it go. He wasn't going to physically force Harry downstairs.

Harry said, “Ron, are you okay? You seem all edgy or something.”

Ron tried to regulate his breathing so it sounded normal. He couldn’t look at Harry. He couldn’t, just couldn’t tell Harry what was really on his mind. He wanted to wail in frustration. Ron’s emotions and hormones were a wreck.

Ron squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of other things. Snape’s dungeon, Malfoy and his cronies, Old Bat Umbridge...think...think...Harry interrupted Ron’s thoughts, “Ron! I asked you if you were okay?”

Ron popped his eyes open. Damn. “Yeah, I guess. I could go back to sleep, though.”

Harry snuggled closer to Ron. Ron felt Harry’s legs up against his. The covers were so hot and uncomfortable.

Harry said, “Yeah, we have time.”

Time? Time for what? Oh, sleep. Ron was going crazy with the inner dialogue he was having with himself. Ron shut his eyes again and tried to concentrate on sleep. He could feel Harry touching his shoulder, but after a while, he felt himself drifting, dreamily off to sleep.

******

"What are you doing?"

A laughing voice was speaking to him. Ron opened his eyes and saw Harry staring at him with an amused look on his face. Ron had his hand under the covers, down his pajama pants, clutching himself. Ron was mortified.

Harry smirked and said, "Well, I know what you're doing but, why did you call my name?"

Ron's heart clenched in panic and he thought for a moment he had stopped breathing. Ron let go of himself with difficulty. He wiped his hand on his pajama bottoms as he brought his hand up to the covers. Ron mumbled, "I don't know."

Harry continued to smirk, but didn't say anything.

Ron had the feeling that he didn't need to worry about whether to tell Harry how he felt about him. His body and mind had betrayed him.

Harry's body was right up next to him and Ron could feel his body temperature rise even higher. Ron didn't say a word, as he slid out from under the bedcovers, away from the warmth. Harry continued to lie on his side, with his arm tucked under his head, staring at Ron.

Ron finally said, "I'm taking a shower." Harry snorted. Ron ignored him and scuttled out the door.

Ron walked down the hall to the loo and luckily it was early enough, that he didn't have to fight for it. He turned on the shower and put his hand under the wave of water, waiting for it to get warm. He couldn't wait to be old enough to use a wave of his wand for this chore.

As he leaned over, checking the temperature of the water, he reflected on what happened. He couldn’t remember the dream, but it was obvious what it was about. He was embarrassed, but he did notice how Harry didn't seem horrified. Well, he was just going to pretend it didn't happen, although he panicked for a moment, at the thought of having a dream like that again.

When the water was warm, he pulled his hand out and shook it of excess water. He got out of his sticky pajamas and stepped into the shower. He leaned forward against the shower wall and closed his eyes. He felt the warm water cascade over his body.

He took a long time in the shower. When he finally got out, Ron groaned when he realized he hadn't brought more clothes with him. He had been in such a hurry to get out of that overheated room.

He did not want to put on the pajama pants again, so he wrapped himself up in a huge towel, grabbed his pajamas and sneakily looked out the door into the hall. No one was coming, so he went for it. Ron dashed down the hall, as quickly as he could, opened the bedroom door and darted in.

Harry was in the same position as he had left him. Harry sat up and said, "Forgot clothes?"

Ron huskily said, "Yeah." Ron refused to look at Harry while he removed his towel and put on fresh clothes. Ron knew Harry was staring at him, but he just refused to pay attention or make a comment. Ron was thankful that Harry wasn’t making any comments either.

Ron finally glanced at Harry while he was putting on his shoes. Ron said, "Are you going downstairs any time soon?"

Harry said, "No! I don't want to face all those people."

Ron grimaced. “Harry...”

Harry said more forcefully, “No!”

“You can’t hide up here forever.”

“Yeah, Yeah,” Harry said in an annoyed voice.

Ron shrugged, “Okay.” Ron didn't have the energy to argue with him. Ron was exhausted from his muddled brain. Ron got up to head downstairs, where they could start to hear various voices and breakfast dishes being clattered.

He glanced once more at Harry, who sat on the bed, with a half smile on his face and his green eyes gleaming. Ron could feel a blush come over his face. Ron smiled back at Harry and walked away with a hint of a bounce in his step.