Title:  Days of Awe
Author:  Lorien_Eve
Pairing:  Harry/Ron
Rating:  NC-17
Genre:  Drama/Angst
Archive:  You’re more than welcome, just let me know!
Spoilers:  Just from OotP.
Disclaimer:  They’re all J.K. Rowling’s.  Sadly, not one of them belongs to me.  I promise, the books would have a much different rating if they did!
Feedback:  Yes, please!
Summary:  Harry and Ron are separated in a battle against members of Voldemort’s army. Harry thinks Ron’s dead. Ron thinks Harry’s not coming back. They find consolation in other areas. Lives are changed and loves are destroyed when they meet again.

Acknowledgements: A big thanks to WebMD for helping me find the correct spelling of ‘pre-cum.’

Man has places in his heart which do not yet exist, and into them enters suffering in order that they may have existence.
-Leon Bloy



Harry had been living in these unconventional circumstances for almost a week.  For the first few days, he remained determined.  He avoided Ron whenever it was possible, hoping to deter any considered advances.  Now, though, it was becoming much more difficult.  He missed Ron terribly, even though he saw him countless times throughout the day and lived in such close proximity to him.  It felt unusual for Ron to be so close, but not a direct part of Harry’s life.  He felt his resoluteness slowly abating every time he looked at Ron.  He didn’t know how long he could ignore what his mind, heart, and body were demanding of him.

Ron hadn’t intruded upon Harry since that afternoon in the kitchen.  He was quite proud, because he had initially pictured himself stealing into Percy’s room every night.  He would’ve camped outside the door if he had to.  Harry had discouraged him so often, though, and he didn’t feel like being dejected again. 

Tonight, however, was different.  He couldn’t sleep in that bed with Hermione anymore.  The sex had completely stopped the second Harry showed up.  It had only been initiated because Harry was gone.  Hermione tried coaxing him into it, but it was useless.  There was no way he would’ve done that with her, knowing that Harry was just a couple of floors down.  His hormones had been getting the better of him lately, though, not to mention the obsolete feeling he had without Harry next to him.  He was going to change all that tonight, and Harry was going to listen to him.

****

Harry heard the bedroom door open, though it hardly made a sound.  He didn’t have to roll over to know that it was Ron.  He sighed.  This wasn’t going to be easy.  His self-discipline had been wavering dangerously for the past few days.

Ron stretched a hand out to Harry’s shoulder.  Harry closed his eyes, letting the touch spread through his body.  He was going to be firm.  Ron didn’t belong to him anymore.

“Harry,” Ron whispered into the dark room.

“What?” Harry asked, trying to sound annoyed, though he didn’t think he was overly convincing.

“I think we need to talk.  About what’s been going on lately.”

Harry remained on his side, facing the far wall.  Looking at Ron would do him no favors, not when he was already weak.

“What is there to talk about?”

“Come on, don’t be daft.  You know why I’m here.”

Ron moved his hand delicately down Harry’s arm, feeling the soft fabric of the shirt wrinkle beneath his palm. The touch from Ron’s fingers dispersed itself throughout his body. Harry squared his jaw. 

“We can’t keep living this way,” said Ron.  “Even you know that.”

”I told you, I’m moving out as soon as I get a chance,” said Harry.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.  This whole…thing,” Ron couldn’t find the appropriate word, “is bullshit.”

“Well, what would you like me to do about it, exactly?” snapped Harry.

“This.”

Ron tugged at Harry’s shoulder, causing him to roll over on his back and face him.  Harry hardly had time to register what was happening before Ron had captured his lips in a frantic kiss.  His mouth was warm and reassuring.  The moan that escaped from Harry’s throat only further encouraged Ron.

Ron placed his hands around Harry’s arms, pinning him to the bed.  He never broke the kiss, but he maneuvered himself so that he was sitting on top of Harry.

Harry searched blindly for any excuse or reason why he had been pushing Ron away all this time.  But his mind was completely blank, focused entirely on Ron’s body on top of his.

“Ron,” he finally managed to gasp out, “you’re not supposed to be here, and you’re definitely not supposed to be doing that.”

“Please don’t push me away again,” Ron pleaded, placing his forehead against Harry’s arm.

Harry wrapped his arms around Ron’s shoulders and pulled him closer.

“What about Hermione?” he murmured.

“What about her? She knows you’re the one I want.”

“She loves you.”

“She’ll understand, Harry.”

The embrace had encouraged him, and he started kissing Harry’s neck lightly.

“But I already told her she could have you,” said Harry.

“I’m not some piece of property that you can accept or give up,” said Ron with some annoyance.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” said Harry apologetically.  “I just hate to go back on my word.”

Ron’s mouth was enticing him, causing a surrender that he hadn’t planned on.

“Talk to her.  Hermione’s tough…she can handle…a lot more than you think,” Ron spoke between kisses. “Besides…she knows she and I could never…be happy together.  Not with…you here.”

Ron was right, Harry rationalized.  He and Ron were completely miserable without each other.  Hermione wouldn’t want that for them.  She couldn’t be happy, either, living in the same house with her husband and his lover.  She would understand.  In fact, Harry didn’t think it would surprise her.  He had tried.  He had tried living without Ron, playing the martyr that he was always accused of being.   He didn’t feel like doing it anymore.  He had dealt with enough, and through it all, Ron had been there for him, never wavering and never giving up.  Now it was Harry’s turn to stand up and declare his own wants.

“I’ll talk to her,” he said, though his voice floundered.

“You will?” asked Ron, with an excitement that caused his mouth to widen and his eyes to crinkle.

“Yes,” assented Harry, “I’ll talk to her.  But I’m not making any promises.”

“Does that mean I can sleep here tonight?” laughed Ron.

Harry didn’t pause for a second before replying, “You’d better.”

Ron smiled at him again, and snuggled under the covers, dragging Harry close to him and removing any doubts that Harry had been harboring.

Harry would talk to Hermione tomorrow.  Tonight belonged to him and Ron.

****

Harry was awakened the next morning with a soft plucking at his neck, winding and crisscrossing down to his shoulders.

Ron. 

Ron was in his bed again at last.  He ran his fingers through the mass of red hair bobbing in front of him.

Knowing that the hand in his hair meant that Harry was awake, Ron raised his head and kissed Harry.

“You’re wonderful to wake up to,” he said, reluctantly prying his mouth away.

“So are you,” said Harry, closing his eyes and stretching his arms.

Ron raised his own arm and caught Harry’s hand in his. He shifted so that he was on top. “I’m not letting you out of this bed today,” he whispered, nipping around Harry’s ear.

His lips and warm breath tickled Harry’s skin, and he started to laugh. “Honestly, Ron, what would your parents think?”

“Don’t care,” was Ron’s reply.

“Seriously, though,” Harry said at last, “I need to talk to Hermione. The sooner the better.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” asked Ron, raising his head and suddenly looking sober.

Harry thought for a moment.  “No, I think it’s best if I go by myself.  Wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” he whispered, before kissing Harry again.

****

When Harry approached Ron’s old room this time, he knocked before entering.  Hermione bade him to come inside.  She was foraging through some trinket boxes on the bureau.

“Oh, it’s you,” she said, poorly hiding her disappointment.

Harry shifted nervously.  She no doubt knew that Ron had been in someone else’s bed last night.  Harry felt like a traitor, not just for going back on his word, but also for giving into Ron’s persuasions without coming to Hermione about it first.  She didn’t seem mad, though, just disheartened.  Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Hermione interrupted him.

“You don’t have to explain,” she said, not turning away from the bureau.  “I saw it coming.”

“Look, I’m really sorry,” he said, walking over and putting a hand on her shoulder.

She still didn’t face him.  “It’s not your fault.  Things happen that none of us planned on.”

“Yeah, but I told you—”

She spun around to look at him for the first time. “It’s okay.  He was never happy with me.  I’m not going to be the one who keeps you two apart.” She spoke with such conviction that Harry was momentarily taken aback.  There were no tears this time, just strict determination. “My rooms at Hogwarts are still available,” she continued.  “Give me a couple hours to get my stuff together.”

“I didn’t mean to rush you.  Do you want to talk with Ron?  He was really worried that you’d be angry.”

“No, I think it’s best that I don’t see him.  I’m not angry, just…” she trailed off.

Harry suddenly felt even more awkward than he had upon entering.  He started to leave, and had one foot out of the door when she spoke again.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of him.”

****

“Well, how did she take it?” asked Ron when Harry returned.

“Okay, really.  She suspected it all along, I think. She’s going back to Hogwarts.”

“I guess I ought to go say good-bye,” said Ron, though he didn’t seem particularly keen at the thought.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Harry told him.  “Besides, I’ve got other plans for you here.”

Ron’s furrowed brow raised immediately.  “Yeah? And what would that be?”

“Come over here and find out.”

Ron didn’t have to be asked twice.  He rushed at Harry with such force that Harry found himself being pinned against the door.  Ron’s mouth covered his in mere seconds, almost making Harry lose his breath.  He ran his fingers through the sides of Ron’s hair, picking at the short strands.  Ron placed his hands on either side of Harry’s face, pulling him even closer into the kiss.  Harry was gratefully aware that he didn’t have to hold back anymore.  For a week now, he had been fighting against what he really wanted.  All obstacles were removed now, and Harry felt his inhibitions falling away with each kiss.

He lowered his hands to Ron’s waist and maneuvered him backwards, aiming for the small, unbalanced desk nearby.  Ron was shoved against it with a grunt, and their lips were briefly forced apart.  Harry found Ron’s mouth again almost instantly, while his fingers struggled with the button and zipper on Ron’s jeans.  Ron, anticipating what was sure to follow, thrust impatiently into Harry’s hands, and inadvertently knocked them awry, causing their erections to bump together.

Harry smiled into Ron’s mouth when he felt the firm bulge between Ron’s legs.  His hands returned to the zipper, which he had not yet been able to wholly undo.  Ron’s hips thrust again, but Harry held on firmly, and after a few seconds, Ron’s prominent arousal was freed.  Harry grasped it without hesitation, and started stroking slowly.

“Yes…” Ron groaned deeply.

He moved his head down to Harry’s neck, where he began kissing it lightly.  He worked at the buttons on Harry’s shirt, his mouth descending purposefully with each released button.  Harry had sped his strokes up when Ron started removing his shirt, but as Ron’s tongue reached his nipples, he stopped.  Ron’s procession halted also, as if in protest.  Harry lifted Ron a few inches off the ground, so that he was sitting atop the desk.  He looked down and grinned lustily at Harry.

“Just like old times, huh?” he joked in a thick voice.

Harry smiled back as he grasped the edges of Ron’s t-shirt and yanked it over his head, tossing it into a corner.  Harry captured Ron’s throat in a wet, open-mouthed kiss, trailing patches of wetness downward to his collarbone.  Ron’s hands groped in Harry’s dark hair, mussing it even worse than normal.  It was soft, but slightly sweaty at the roots.

Harry’s mouth was now on Ron’s nipples, licking and sucking avidly, eliciting moans from above him.  He attended to each one in turn, all the while tugging on the legs of Ron’s jeans until they fell to the floor.  He then got on his knees in front of the desk and looked up at Ron.  He wrapped his arms around Ron’s hips, making sure he had a firm grip.  Then he leaned forward and swiped at Ron’s cock with the tip of his tongue.

“Oh…” Ron gave an audible shudder.

Harry swiped at it again, letting his tongue linger a minute longer on the end.  He licked away the pre-cum that was already starting to collect.  It was salty and familiar, and everything he had been missing.  He sucked fervently at the head for several moments, drawing out even more of the creamy liquid.  Ron had begun shifting anxiously on the desk, and Harry had to renew the grip around his hips.  Harry removed his lips briefly, and blew a whispering breath over the tip of Ron’s cock.  This caused Ron to throw his head back with gratification.

“Oh, yes…”

He clutched blindly for Harry’s head, wanting something to hold on to, and also hoping to persuade Harry to go further down on him.  Harry knew what Ron was wanting, and feeling generous, he happily obliged.

He plunged his mouth down the length of Ron’s cock in one swift motion.  By the loud gasp that accompanied the action, Ron had apparently not expected something so sudden.  Ron’s cock hit the back of Harry’s throat, and Harry swallowed, the muscles in the back of his mouth constricting.

Ron bucked roughly, almost causing Harry to gag, but he dug his fingers deeper into Ron’s hips, holding him rigidly to the desk.  His own cock was painfully hard now, and had he not had to stabilize Ron, he would’ve started touching himself.  He released Ron’s cock slowly, inch by inch, prolonging the sensation to the last possible second.  He repeated the process several times until Ron was mumbling weakly, and writhing around with such energy that Harry was having a difficult time maintaining his grip.

“Yes…yes…yes…”

By Ron’s erratic movements, Harry knew he was close to coming.  He hated to stop, but he didn’t want this to be over so soon.  Besides, his own cock was begging for stimulation, and he had a few more things in mind.  He withdrew his mouth from Ron’s erection, and stood up. 

Ron wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist, pulling him against him, allowing their arousals to collide.  He was breathing hard, and could barely keep his mouth locked on Harry’s for need of oxygen.

Harry hoisted Ron off the desk and stumbled across the floor with him, dumping him unceremoniously on the bed.  He removed his own jeans, liberating his erection.  He couldn’t resist the urge to stroke it a few times.  It had been poorly unattended to as of late.  Ron stared intensely at Harry as he touched himself before Ron grabbed his hand and drew him to the bed.

"Let me do that," he said.

Harry straddled Ron, rubbing their erections together with a pleasurable friction.  He reached his hand down between Ron’s legs, caressing the inside of his thighs before moving even lower and teasing his opening.  Ron moved his hand down to the side of the bed, frantically fishing around under the mattress.  After a moment, he pulled out a small tube and wagged it in Harry’s face.

“Told you this would come in handy one day,” he said with a wink.

Harry smiled and took the tube from Ron, then applied some of the clear substance to his fingers.  He repositioned his index finger at Ron’s entrance and started nudging slowly.  Ron found Harry’s cock and started stroking it energetically.  Harry felt Ron starting to loosen, and soon he added another lubricated finger.  He timed his finger thrusts with the thrusts he himself was making in Ron’s hand.

“Oh, yes…”

Pre-cum was dripping liberally from his arousal, and he felt the familiar tingling at the base of his cock.  His fingers were pushing quicker and faster in and out of Ron, and Ron’s hand mimicked the rhythm.

“Not yet,” gasped Harry suddenly, pulling his cock away from Ron’s eager hand.  “I don’t want to come yet,” he breathed, in answer to Ron’s questioning look.  “I’m not done with you.”

Ron was definitely in no mood to argue with that.  He ran his tongue over the contour of his lips, and blew Harry a kiss.

Harry scooted down so that he was positioned between Ron’s legs.  He added a third finger inside him, moving slowly at first, allowing Ron’s muscles to stretch.  Once he felt him relaxing a little more, he increased the speed, pushing farther in each time.

“God, Harry…yes!”

Ron was jerking around on the bed, moaning and tossing his head from side to side.  Harry lifted his head, and opening his mouth, repositioned his lips around Ron’s cock.  Like his own, pre-cum was smothering the head of it, and he ran his tongue around the tip, licking it off.  Once it was clean, Harry lunged his mouth down the shaft, hitting the base, and sucking vigorously.  He increased the movements of his fingers, working them in and out as fast as he could, making sure he hit Ron’s prostate with every inward thrust.

“Oh, God…oh, God…”

Ron was bucking his hips again violently, and clutching at fistfuls of sheets, wadding them up around him.  Harry moved slowly up to the tip of Ron’s cock and plunged downward one last time.  As Ron’s erection hit the back of his throat, he swallowed deeply.

“Yes…God, yes…oh, Harry…”

That was all Ron could take.  He came forcefully in Harry’s mouth, shuddering and jerking with pleasure, and gasping out Harry’s name between breaths.

Harry felt Ron’s tight ring of muscle closing in around his fingers.  He removed two of them, but left the other one in.  He raised himself so that he could reach Ron’s mouth, and kissed him viciously, his tongue forcing its way past Ron’s.  Ron kissed back just as desperately.

Harry slowly began moving his remaining finger in and out of Ron, eliciting exhausted moans of lingering arousal.  He made his way to Ron’s ear and down his jaw, the kisses innocent and undemanding this time.  He kissed slowly around Ron’s shoulder, pausing every few seconds to breath softly against his sweating skin. 

Ron was evidently insatiable, because although he had just climaxed uncontrollably, he was starting to push himself down onto Harry’s persistent finger.  This is what Harry had hoped for.

Positioning himself once again between Ron’s legs, he grabbed Ron by the arm with his free hand, pulling him up so that they were face to face.  He bruised Ron’s mouth with desperate kisses, being more aroused at this point than he ever remembered being.  He felt Ron’s cock hardening again against his stomach.  He removed his finger, bringing about a small whimper of protest.  Those objections were quickly silenced, however, when he positioned Ron so that his own cock was pushing at his entrance. He entered cautiously, allowing Ron to readjust.

Harry had been in control the whole night, but now he was submitting to Ron.  He leaned back on the bed so that Ron was straddling him this time.  Ron’s muscles clenched, and Harry delighted in the feeling of that warm wetness enveloping his cock. 

Ron placed a hand on either side of Harry’s head for balance, and lifted himself up slowly.  He bent down to kiss Harry gently as he did so.  He elevated his hips so that only the tip of Harry’s erection was still inside him.  He remained stationary for a moment, relishing the stretching of the nerve ends.  He plunged back down unexpectedly, causing Harry’s breath to catch in his throat.  He rose slowly again, only to come back down forcefully, tightening his muscles around Harry’s cock every time he drove downwards. 

After a few more motions, Harry once again felt the familiar numbing sensation start in his stomach and move from the base of his arousal to the very tip.  A couple more powerful thrusts, and he found himself coming violently, clawing at the mattress and yelling obscenities he’d never used before.

During the course of events, Ron had become fully hard again.  Seeing Harry’s response to his actions, and feeling the warmth of his ejaculation filling him, Ron came again suddenly, squirting the thick, white liquid all over Harry’s chest.

“God, Ron…” was all Harry could manage.

Ron wasn’t much more coherent than Harry.  He fell in an exhausted, crumpled heap on top of Harry.  Both their bodies were drenched with sweat, and Harry could feel it tickling his sides as it ran down onto the sheets.  Ron’s hair was also doused with sweat, coloring it an even deeper red.  Harry couldn’t resist laying his face against it.  He kissed the top of it, and licked away the moisture that was deposited on his lips.

“Promise me one thing,” Ron said when he finally caught his breath.

“What?”

“Don’t ever leave me again.”