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Monday, November 25, 2002
Fallin's Fashion Faux-pas?
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NICHOLAS FALLIN is better known around Pittsburgh these days for his legal entanglements than for his legal prowess at Fallin & Fallin, where he works with his father, former federal judge Burton Fallin. But he's been turning a few heads recently after stepping out in a new Praba shirt with a variegated burgundy stripe. Pedestrians on Grant Street were far from enamoured of the infamous corporate attorney's new look as Mr Fallin (33) ran into the Frick Building at 10.39a.m. last Monday, ignoring the crowd of onlookers who had been gathering for two hours. "He looks like he's wearing teeny half-inch wide suspenders," said a woman who wanted to be identified only as Sheila II. "His father must be having a fit. Burton Fallin never could control that boy."  Laurie Solt, a plainly dressed but elegant social worker who in the past has been a staunch supporter of Mr Fallin's so-called "uniform", has collected 2,557 signatures on a petition asking Mr Fallin to remove his shirt. "Pin-stripe we can handle," said Ms Solt, "but what are those things on his collar? What are those bangle things on his cuffs?"  |
"That young man needs structure in his life, and it is my duty to provide it. He's gone too far this time. If I don't crack down on him, next thing you know he'll be wearing paisley ties." Commissioner Willging confirmed the possibility of enacting by-laws to prohibit the wearing of striped shirts. "That Fallin kid is a real political problem. No one wants to cross a Fallin, but the public is outraged. We're drafting an amendment to the Obscene Behavior By-laws, and if Mr Fallin does not cease and desist he may be fined $100 for each offence, with immediate and forcible removal of the offending item of clothing." 
Not everyone disapproves of Mr Fallin's bold move. Edwin Tinsel, fashion editor for Clothes Horse magazine, is very impressed. "Stripes are the new black, darling. Nicky looks divine! He can stripe me anytime."
Last month the magazine published the results of a poll in which 77% of respondents gave Mr Fallin's new black shirt the thumbs up. Mr Tinsel predicted a wave of copycat shirt-buying now that the striped shirt has been launched onto the unsuspecting citizens of Pittsburgh, and fears a deluge of cheap imitations on the market "because no one except Mr Fallin and his ilk can afford originals." As Mr Fallin left his building at lunchtime, several women from a building across the street dangled a sign outside their window with a cell phone number and the message: "We strip for stripes". Mr Fallin apparently saw the sign and was observed making a note on his palm pilot. Alvin Masterson, director of Legal Services of Pittsburgh where Mr Fallin is doing community service after being charged with drug possession last year, was asked for his opinion on his young charge's latest escapade. "I'm wearing a cardigan and a fluffy woollen tie," explained Mr Masterson. "You really think you can take anything I say seriously?" Fellow child advocate James Mooney, who was wearing gym clothes, was not approached for comment but threatened to call the police if our reporter didn't stop making fun of his boss. | From an adjacent office, Mrs Louisa Olson, in a stylish periwinkle fitted suit and four-inch heels, tucked back her hair and attempted to make light of the situation.
"Ah, that Nick Fallin, he likes to get into trouble. I don't have a problem with the stripes. I have a problem with almost having swan poo-poo in the pool at my wedding. I have a problem with the guy on Carson Street who sold me lamps that ruined the scale. I have a problem with the walnut tree that grew back because it couldn't control itself. It was supposed to be dead! Oh, and my husband sleeps with hookers. Don't print that!" Mr Fallin's girlfriend of several weeks, police officer Kim McPherson, said, "The shirt sucks, I know. I offered to take him shopping but we ended up having sex. We do that a lot." A colleague at Fallin & Fallin, who wished to remain anonymous, offered his support to Mr Fallin during this difficult time, but seemed resentful of the attention the striped shirt has drawn. "I don't get it. One striped shirt and he's back in the headlines? I'm a partner here now. Aren't I newsworthy? Where were you guys last year when I was charged with vehicular homicide? And that insider trader thing – you never returned my calls, man. What've I gotta do? You want me to wear plaid? I can do that." In the fine print, Burton Fallin did admit that all his friends in high places have recently died. Nicholas Fallin was unavailable for comment.  Poll results on the striped shirt:
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Page updated 9 December 2002