Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
He took a deep breath before talking.
�Hey, uh, JC. It�s kind of, sort of, been a long time. I know you guys have been really busy, you know, getting the baby room together but I thought I�d just call to, um, see what�s going on. I don�t think I�ve told you guys before, but I�m really happy for you two. I know that after the, uh, breakup, none of us were really on good terms with each other, but I�m just hoping to put that behind us. I guess that�s kind of my motive for making this call, I want to try and smooth things over between us.�
He sighed.
�JC, I�ve always looked up to you. You weren�t just Tyler�s big brother. Or Justin�s. You were mine too. It didn�t matter that you were, well, not that much older than me. It�s just that you were so goddamn mature. I dunno if that�s how you really were, or you just played that role really well. It didn�t really matter. You were there for us. All of us. And I really respected that.
�I really respected you. I still do, you know. I know you�re trying to mask the fact that you sang or had any talent whatsoever. I don�t know why. You were the most talented man I�d ever met. I never stopped being amazed at the fact that you were in a band and not making millions going solo. I never stopped being amazed at the fact that you were in a band with me. We were *NSYNC. Your letter was right next to mine. You were always right next to me. Showing me, teaching me, reassuring me. All that crap. You didn�t know how much I needed you. You were my support system. You were my glue. You were my goddamn flying buttress.�
He paused to chuckle at his lame humor.
�I had a dream last night. You know how rare that is. And I remember everything. We went to some kind of museum. Just us. The N and the C. I dunno why we were there, some exhibit you had to drag me to. Just like you would in real life. Anyway we go there and there were like four doorways you could go into. They�d lead you to these simulated rides, but they weren�t real rides, these floating train things would just take you to a different scene the artist painted. I know you probably have no idea what I�m talking about but it was just so beautiful. I remember the train thing stopped in front of this one picture. A blue person holding a yellow person in their arms in front of an orange background. So beautiful. When the ride was over, we went to this white room with a sketchpad on the wall. The artist had drawn us as we looked at the orange painting. And your arms were around me. And God, we looked so happy. So different than we do now.�
He shook his head and leaned against the telephone booth. He closed his eyes and furrowed his brow.
�JC, you can�t know how beautiful we were together. Your arms were around me. Protecting me. And supporting me. And saving me from all the evil in the world. And you loved me. I could tell from the way your eyes sparkled in the sketch. I tried to look at you, I tried to get that same look from your real eyes, but you kept turning away, like you were afraid I�d see something in them I wasn�t allowed to. Or supposed to. JC, you can�t know how much I wanted to see those eyes. I wanted to look into them and see your love reflected in my eyes.
�See, JC, I loved you so much. But you kept looking away; trying not to see something that I�m sure was in your own. God, man, I loved you then. And I love you now. I don�t care that you�re married and that Bobbee�s expecting and that you�re getting your stupid, fucking baby room together! I. Love. You. JC. I love you. And I think I deserve the love that is in your eyes. I know it�s there. You�re just too afraid to catch my gaze. You�re too afraid to stop being the fucking buttress and let me fall! And God, JC, you can�t know how much I want to fall right now. Please, man. Let me fall. Let me fall and I promise, when you fall, I�ll catch you.�
He quickly wiped away the tears that were escaping their confines. He looked around to make sure no one had seen him cry. He sniffled.
�JC, I�m tired. I�m tired of the heavy silences when any of us try to talk to each other. And I�m tired of having to tiptoe around you, being careful not to look into your eyes for too long, hoping not to see the things you try so hard to hide.
�So, this is it. No more phone calls. No more messages. I�m done. I�m leaving. And don�t bother calling this number, or tracking me down. You won�t find me. I just want you to remember my eyes. I want you to remember the things you saw, things I didn�t bother trying to hide.�
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
�End. Of. Message.� The computerized answering machine voice shrieked. JC hung the phone back up and he trembled. He trembled so violently that the phone he still held rattled loudly against its cradle. Bobbee, hearing the racket, rushed � as quickly as an eight months pregnant woman could � to his side.
�JC!�
She saw him sliding slowly to the ground and she did everything possible to keep him from falling. But he did. He fell.
�JC! Come on, pull yourself together! Stop falling!�
JC chuckled quietly to himself.
�I�ve already fallen. But he�s not here to catch me.�
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