| Chapter 30 ******* Margot walked away from the room as quickly as her feet could carry her. She waved one last time to Lance, Joey, and Chris at the stairs, and walked through the doors of the Malibu beach house. She spotted Justin sitting in his showy sports car and swiftly sat down in the passenger side seat. Justin turned to study her face and was not at all surprised when he saw tears threatening to run down her cheeks. His heart broke for her. Never had he been in a situation like Margot's, to be loved but to not want to love in return. He couldn�t even imagine the kind of pain she was feeling, being as torn as she was. But in truth, it was JC that he was really hurting for. The poor man had poured his heart out in front of Margot but she did nothing but look at it and run in the opposite direction. Justin had been in a situation like that before, and he knew how hurt JC must have been. He knew how hard it must have been for him to just sit back and watch the woman he loved run from him. Justin turned from Margot and shook his head as he started the ignition and began the drive to LAX airport. They were merging onto the 10 freeway as memories of him suddenly shot into her head. She�d been willing herself to not think about it too much and she had been successful for the most part, but as she saw the buildings and the streets that she and him had been to and joked about, she could no longer hold it inside. It started small, a sniffle here, a memory returned, a tear there, but soon it grew and before she could even realize what was going on, her entire body was being racked with sobs. Justin looked over and saw her crying her heart out and immediately got off on the nearest freeway exit. He pulled over as soon as he could and deftly turned off the engine to his car. He turned to his right and looked at the woman sitting next to him. Margot sensed eyes on her so she looked up at him with red eyes and tear stained cheeks. The two eyed each other for a few moments before she fell onto him and cried even harder into his chest. Justin began rubbing her back and whispering soothing words into her ear, he tried his best to calm her down, but nothing was working. He seemed to be doing more harm than good. �Margot, why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to him? You know that all he wants is to-� �Is to what? Love me? Cherish me? Make me feel like the most wonderful woman in the world? And after he gets me to feel all those things, then what? Will he still love me? Or will he hurt me, like all the others have done? I can�t have that again, Justin. I just can�t. It would be too much. It would push me over the edge.� Margot continued to sob as she spoke and Justin saw emotions radiate from her that he�d never seen before. He understood everything she said but he knew his friend would never do that to her. �Margot, JC isn�t like that. He wouldn�t do any of that to you. You know he loves you,� Margot raised her hand in protest but Justin kept on talking. �You know he loves you and you know he�s going to be a wreck without you. No one even had to see his face to feel the pain he felt when you got up and left. Why are you running from him? And why are you trying to convince yourself that this is the best thing for you to do?� Margot�s sobs slowed and she sat uncomfortably in her seat. She pondered Justin�s question and truly asked herself why she thought running away from her problem would help to solve it. She couldn�t come up with an answer. �Justin, you know why I�m running. I�ve told you. My heart wouldn�t be able to take it if and when something went wrong. And�and I know it�s not the best way to go about dealing with this�but what else can I do? I�ve been trapped. I�� �You haven�t been trapped. You�ve trapped yourself.� Justin looked Margot dead in her eyes and almost smiled when he saw what he thought was a flicker of reconsideration. However, when Margot frowned, that flicker disappeared. �Justin. Please just�take me to the airport.� Justin shook his head and shortly closed his eyes as he restarted his engine and glided back onto the freeway. He was about to bring up the subject again but Margot�s shaky, tiresome sigh changed his mind. The two arrived at the airport in no time and when he parked, Margot nearly leaped out of the car. She had to separate herself from the confining environment that had been created in Justin�s car. Once inside the terminal, Margot checked in her bags and got to her gate with no trouble, and the entire time, not a word was spoken between her and Justin. Being a little early, they had to wait at the gate for Margot�s plane to arrive. And waiting together meant nothing but another confrontation. The two were silent for some time, but Justin eventually broke that silence. �Margot, are you sure that this is what you want?� She looked at Justin strangely. �Am I sure that this is what I want? What do you mean am I sure? Am I sure I don�t want to have my heart broken again? Am I sure that I want to run away from hurt? Am I sure that I don�t want to keep having this same conversation with you?� �Ok, ok, ok. Relax, Margot. You act as if I�m some villain. I�m Justin. Your friend. Remember?� Margot sighed. She did remember. It was just hard to act like nothing was wrong when in fact nothing could be worse. �I remember. You�re my friend. And you�re one of the best friends I�ve ever made. I�m just finding it difficult to�ah I don�t know what I�m trying to say.� Justin put his arm around her shoulders and smiled sadly. �I know. I know exactly what you�re trying to say.� Margot looked up at her friend, �Do you really? Because I�d appreciate if you let me in on the secret.� The two chuckled mirthlessly until a flight attendant abruptly announced that the plane had arrived and boarding would begin immediately. Every trace of a smile was wiped off of both their faces when they heard the attendant�s friendly voice and Margot stood to prepare for boarding. Justin stood as well and looked desperately at the girl who�d become a great friend over the past few months. As he took her hand in his, he thought to try one more time. He started carefully, �Are you absolutely positive that this is what you want?� The corners of Margot�s mouth twitched upward, �Yes. I�m absolutely positive. I need to do this. For myself.� Justin nodded understandingly but wouldn�t let go of her hand when she moved toward the runway. Hand in hand, they walked to the attendant who, in turn, smiled knowingly at them. Margot figured that the woman thought that they were a couple. The poor attendant couldn�t have been more wrong, but the situation reminded her somewhat of a scene she�d seen many months ago. Before she met Justin, before she moved to Malibu, and before she met the very man she was running away from. ******* Margot almost smiled to herself when she heard the name of the place she once called home. Almost. The plane finally landed and she quickly unbuckled her seat belt. She looked up at the people exiting the plane. Her eyes though, rested longest on a young couple. Although they were rushing to get off the plane, they were both clasping the other�s hand lovingly. The girl noticed Margot looking at them and clumsily took her hand out of his grip. He frowned slightly, but advanced upon her and slipped an arm around her waist. She looked horribly embarrassed and tried to shy away. He stared at her, trying to make her forget whatever was troubling her mind until she smiled and they quickly kissed on the lips. Margot�s mouth drooped a little at the corners as she watched the couple walk away. He used to love me like that. ******* Lucas had loved her like that. But now Lucas was so deep in the recesses of her mind that she didn�t even think of him. All Margot could think about was how JC was now the one who loved her. But she didn�t love him back. She couldn�t love him back. And that�s where the similarities ended. �Thank you, ma�am, for choosing Air France. I hope you enjoy your flight.� The attendant broke Margot from her daze and finally settled her gaze upon Justin. He looked troubled. Understandably. But he looked more troubled than he should. �Margot, don�t go.� She rolled her eyes. �Justin, we�ve been through this before. Probably twenty times already today. I need to go. I have to go. It�s something I really must do if I ever want to regain some semblance of sanity.� He sighed. That was his last try. She was leaving. He�d done all he could to help his friends, but one was stubborn, and the other was passive. And he was left with nothing else in his play book. �Ok. I guess I�ll see you around then.� Margot replied with a bit of irony, �Let�s hope so.� She suddenly frowned and pulled him to her in a heartfelt hug. Justin wrapped his arms around her and pouted, realizing there as no way to keep her with them. To keep her with JC. Margot eventually pulled back, kissed him quickly on the cheek, and with a sigh of quiet defiance, she turned from him and walked down the ramp. Justin stood in that exact spot until the plane took off and only when the aircraft was a tiny dot in the sky did he turn and run back to his car. He had to see how JC was doing. *******Back at the house JC was a wreck. It had been an hour since Margot left and he was still sitting in the same spot, crying. Even after Roxanne left him, he hadn�t cried this much. And that served as a major problem to him. 3 years. In comparison to 3 months. Was an eternity. And yet he looked to Margot as the person he wanted to spend an eternity with. But of course, she wanted nothing to do with him. She wanted to run away and leave him to deal with his one-sided emotions completely on his own. And he could do nothing about it. And so he sat. And did nothing. And that�s exactly how Justin found him when he returned to the house. �JC?� Justin cautiously walked toward the dining room when he saw his friend�s back still facing the front door. He looked deathly still, so still that Justin would have mistaken him for dead if not for the regular sniffles coming from his general direction. He tried again, �JC? Are you�ok?� Stupid question. JC spun around quicker than a carousel on speed. �Am I ok? Am I ok?! Do I look �ok� to you?! Do I?! Because I certainly don�t feel ok! The one girl who I really thought could be it is probably halfway across the country by now. And she�s not. Coming. Back. So the question was, am I ok. The answer? NO. NO I AM NOT OK.� Justin winced when he saw the dark circles under his friend�s eyes and the tear stains on his friend�s cheeks. He winced again when he realized that his friend might be looking this way for quite a long time if something wasn�t done. JC sighed. �Why is this happening to me? How did I let this happen?� Justin sat down next to his bandmate and shook his head, �I don�t know. But it�ll get better. I know it will.� JC looked to Justin, �And what if it doesn�t?� Justin looked worried as he answered. �It has to�it just�has to.� ******* On the plane, Margot wasn�t doing much more than JC was. She hadn�t been reduced to a quivering pile of sobs yet, but she was getting close. And with each mile the plane ascended, Margot�s spirits descended two thousand more. It was awful. The entire situation was ridiculous. She�d never meant for it to get so out of hand, but now that it had blown up, she�d done the one thing she was truly good at. Running away. She ran from trust after her family was killed, she ran from love after Lucas betrayed her, and now, she was running from hope, something she was just beginning to regain before other, more complex emotions started getting involved. Ever since Justin confronted her about this being the right decision, her mind began to cloud. Was it the right thing to do? She honestly didn�t know anymore. But she was already on the plane and going back home would probably show her that returning to the place she knew best was, in fact, the right decision. And not just some silly excuse for not being able to handle JC�s love. Margot nodded. Yes. This is the right decision. I�m doing the right thing. And after I get off the plane and step onto familiar ground, I�ll be positive that this is what I�m meant to be doing. She snuggled up underneath the blankets provided for her by the stewardess and tried to drift off to sleep, happy that she�d been able to reaffirm her decision. But when thoughts and images of JC were the only things she could see in her head, she began to worry that maybe this wasn�t the best idea after all. |