Women's Ads
- 40-ish...................... 49
- Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends
- Athletic.................... No boobs
- Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound
- Beautiful................... Pathological liar
- Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy
- Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor
- Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated
- Feminist.................... Fat ballbuster
- Free spirit................. Junkie
- Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut
- Fun......................... Annoying
- Gentle...................... Comatose
- Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic
- Old-fashioned............... Lights out, missionary position only,
- Open-minded................. Desperate
- Outgoing.................... Loud and embarrassing
- Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk
- Poet........................ Depressive schizophrenic
- Professional................ Certified B$tch
- Redhead..................... Bad dye-job
- Reubenesque................. Grossly Fat
- Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light
- Social...................... Has been passed around like an
hors-doeuvres tray
- Voluptuous.................. Very Fat
- Weight proportion w/ height.............. HugelyFat
- Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker
- Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself
- Young at heart.............. Old bat
MEN'S ADS
- 40-ish...... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
- Athletic.............. Watches a lot of NASCAR
- Average looking....... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose
- Educated.............. Will patronize the sh$t out of you
- Free Spirit........... Banging your sister
- Friendship first...... As long as friendship involves nookie
- Fun................... Good with a remote and a six pack
- Good looking.......... Arrogant
- Very good looking..... Dumb as a board
- Honest................ Pathological Liar
- Huggable.............. Overweight
- Likes to cuddle....... Insecure mama's boy
- Mature................ Older than your father
- Open-minded........... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not
interested
- Physically fit........ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
- Poet.................. Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
- Sensitive............. Cries at chick flicks
- Very sensitive........ Gay
- Spiritual............. Got laid in a cemetery once
- Stable................ Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
- Thoughtful............ Says "Excuse me" when he farts.