The Great Wallet Mystery

Down at SM.Net Headquarters, things were pretty boring. People were hanging out. SimonBob came in, carrying a heavy bag of fanfics. He sat down next to Anthadd, who had just gotten back a moment before from a round of golf.
SimonBob reached into Anthadd's golf bag and got a sand wedge. "Oho," he said, admiring it casually.
"How come you never use the golf bag to fight evil anymore?" he asked Anthadd.
"Typical anime phasing out of unnecessary powers."
"Ah." SimonBob took out a golf-bomb, lit the fuse, set it on a tee, and swung mightily, sending it through a window. "FORE! ...Three, Two, One..."
"One," added Anthadd at the same time.
"...Zero." As was the custom of the time, SimonBob took out a pen and made a mark on a piece of paper. A loud explosion was heard outside, about 220 yards away.
"Y'know what's gonna happen... someday we'll say something at the same time and then make the mark at the same time too. Then what'll we do?" pondered SimonBob.
"Cyan and I do that all the time," replied Anthadd. "We make another mark."
SimonBob was enraged by this. "And another, and another?! Until your ink runs dry?"
"If that's what's necessary to break the chain."
"And then... you have to buy new pens!" SimonBob's eyes narrowed. "It's obvious now. You're working for Business Depot!!!"
SimonBob tackled Anthadd and stole his wallet. Anthadd looked surprised at this, saying "Wait! I don't have a wallet! That's not mine!"
But SimonBob was already going through it. "Money... Trivia cards... Communist membership... AHA! BUSINESS DEPOT EMPLOYEE CARD!!"
"I'm telling you, it's not mine!"
"Then explain how I found the card, eh?"
Anthadd turned the card over and showed SimonBob the name on it. "See? That's reidman's."
"But what would reid be doing with trivia cards? And what are you doing with reid's wallet?"
Anthadd took another look at the wallet. "It's neither of ours," he concluded. "Or something."
SimonBob was unconvinced. "So, in this mysterious wallet that belongs to neither of you, there's trivia cards (presumably yours), a communist membership (nobody's yet), and reid's Business Depot employee card. So what mysterious circumstances brought all these things together?"
Anthadd looked at the Communist Membership: "Pokey."
"Hmm, the plot thickens!" announced SimonBob.
"Maybe someone is trying to frame Pokey," suggested Picky. "After all, he is an easy target."
"Of course you'd stick up for him, Picky. You're his brother." The truth of SimonBob's statement drew a shocked expression from Picky.
"But you're right," continued SimonBob, "it all falls into place too easily. I'll bet Pokey has nothing to do with this. The missing piece of the puzzle is the wallet. Who does it ultimately belong to?" He turned back to Anthadd. "Anth, where did you find it? Or did you steal it!"
Anthadd's lips twitched nervously. "It must have fallen into my pocket while I was walking in."
"Hmph! A likely story!"
Frinky came walking through the door, and Anthadd greeted him while SimonBob showed him the wallet.
"WALLET?" shouted Frinky.
"Is it yours??" demanded SimonBob.
"No, but the money inside is!"
While they were talking, Xander Riles, the Master of Blades, carefully caught the swinging door on his foot and tried to sneak in. But nobody could get through when official greeter Anthadd was on the case.
"Greetings, Xander, Master of Blades," he called out in a friendly manner.
SimonBob spun around. "Xander! Have you seen this wallet before?"
Xander rolled his eyes and ignored SimonBob. "Hey there Anth, long time no see! And hello, wallet, no time of see!"
"A-HA! I see through your clever facade like a window!" Shouting this, SimonBob tackled Xander to the ground.
"If it's not your wallet... then why does it have a big "X" monogrammed on the side?!"
"XANDARF00!" yelled Frinky, shocked beyond belief.
"OFMG!" screamed Xander, firing a psychic ripple-wave through SimonBob's body. Luckily, SimonBob's flannel deflected the attack, turning the psi into rippled potato chips, which Frinky ate.
"It all falls into place," he reasoned. "Xander stole everything, stuffed it in his wallet, and slipped it into Anthadd's pocket! And now he's trying to murder me! Quickly, Anthadd! Detain him and take him to the county jail!"
"!!!" Xander made a startled noise and then attempted to flee.
Anthadd calmly reached into his golf bag and produced a rubber squeaky guinea pig, which he began to squeeze and otherwise pretend to torture. He began to chant "FORUM 8! FORUM 8!" over and over.
"...." Xander continued to be inarticulate. He seemed immobile.
SimonBob, however, was puzzled. "What are ya doing, Anthadd?"
Suddenly, Xander charged at Anthadd, who caught him in a headlock. SimonBob realized that Anthadd had been doing a luring ritual.
But alas, as Anthadd began to haul Xander off to the county jail, Frinky snuck up and unlocked the blade master's handcuffs. And then Xander spun and severed Anthadd's head.
SimonBob couldn't believe it.
"I had a get out of jail free card." Frinky was grinning like a maniac.
"You killed Anthadd!" SimonBob whispered the words, still unbelieving. He had always had a friendly rivalry with Anthadd, and now Xander had simply killed the trivia staffer.
Xander grinned even more than Frinky did. "Yeah, I'm a criminial!
(Kill him back!) spoke Anthadd's disembodied voice from beyond his own gruesome death.
SimonBob struck a vengeful pose. "Someday, somehow.. I'll avenge him!"
"No, no you won't," replied Xander, with a bit of overconfidence.
"Shhh! Yes, I will!" SimonBob insisted.
(Avenge me now!) pleaded Anthadd's spirit.
SimonBob looked as though he was about to take some action, but his watch beeped. He checked it. His eyes went wide with surprise.
"Sorry, can't avenge now. It's suppertime." He ran off to have his supper.

THE END