UWA and PappyCat's Adventures in Funland

Once upon a time, Simon Roberts was walking down the street.  This particular street was 
ordinary.

He turned the corner and made his way up an avenue.  This avenue was also ordinary.

Then he got onto the crescent.

That's when things kicked up a notch.

Out of nowhere, a large rodeo clown swooped in from behind a tree and grabbed Simon, stuffing 
him into a clown bag.  Simon struggled against the enveloping canvas, but ceased when the 
clown hit him with a stick.  The clown stuffed the bag into a deceivingly small car and 
drove off.  Later, he would ransom Simon for twelve million dollars.  The perfect crime.

Well, not entirely perfect.

UWA crept out from his hiding place.  He'd seen the whole thing, beginning to end, and he 
knew that he had to do something to save Simon.  He started by running madly down the 
crescent, up the avenue, across the motorcade (narrowly avoiding a truck) and finally down 
a flight of stairs, whereupon he stopped because he'd run into someone.  "Oof!  Watch 
where you're going!" he said, using that tone of voice that is generally used by people who 
would rather blame others than themselves.  "I was in a hurry!"

"No kidding," the girl said, picking herself up off the ground.  "It's hard to dodge someone 
who comes barreling down a flight of stairs like that... oh, hey UWA."  It was none other 
than PappyCat, cute west coast catgirl extraordinaire.

"Oh, hi Pappy."  UWA almost asked her out but then remembered his mission.  "SimonBob just 
got kidnapped!  We have to tell someone right away!"

"Hmm!" Pappy hummed.  "This sounds like the work of Freddy from Funland!  C'mon, I know the 
way and there's no time to lose!"  She grabbed UWA's weird flipper-hand-thing (since he's 
a walrus) and dragged him through the park to a sewage pipe.  "In there," she said, 
pointing triumphantly downwards.

UWA looked doubtful.  "Um, I was kinda hoping to leave the rescue to someone who could 
handle it..."

"C'mon, you wuss!"  Pappy kicked UWA down the pipe, then jumped in after him.  They fell 
for about six metres before hitting a trampoline.  UWA rolled off and looked down the tunnel.  
It looked rather greasy and was lit by torches.

"Are you sure this leads to Funland?" UWA asked.  Pappy didn't reply; she started 
marching through the tunnel, and the torches went out as she passed.  UWA had no choice but 
to follow.

After about thirty torches, they were in front of a giant oaken door.  "Behold," Pappy 
said, placing a hand on the door.  "Funland!"

She shoved the door open.  Beyond it was a perfectly ordinary boulevard.

"This doesn't look very fun," UWA observed.

"It's never really what you'd expect!"  The fat rodeo clown who had kidnapped Simon leapt 
into view from behind a skyscraper.  "But this is quite fun for me!  A real hideout where I 
can kidnap staffers and ransom them for Giovanni's money!"

"NOT ON MY WATCH!"  Screaming wildly, Pappy attacked with a wild cat pounce, teeth bared, 
claws sharpened, eyes completely wild.  She wasn't prepared for the giant sack over her 
head, though, and she fell to the ground under the same affliction as Simon from the beginning 
of the story.

"Pappy!"  UWA ran forward, but stopped short when the clown threw another bag towards him.  
He looked around, trying to see something that could help, but all he saw were a bunch of 
pointy ninja-star-like rocks.

"Hey, wait a second!" he shouted.  "There's a ninja star behind that rock!"  He ran over 
and grabbed it and tossed it at the clown, who dodged it.  "Rats!"  UWA grabbed the rock 
instead and threw that.

"Ow!" came Pappy's voice, muffled by the bag.

"Darn it!"  Out of options, UWA rushed the clown anyway, tripping over his own feet and 
falling on the clown bag, which magically opened up.  Pappy came screaming out of the bag 
and slashed at the clown, who popped like a balloon animal.

"Hey," UWA said from the ground.  "That clown was just a balloon animal.  I thought his mouth 
was a little not-moving."

Pappy pulled some rubber off one of her claws.  "But then where's the real mastermind 
of Funland?"

"Mwa ha ha... here, over here!"  A bat that had been following UWA since the beginning of 
the story and just hasn't been mentioned yet turned into a bird.  A falcon, to be precise.

"Falcon24?!" UWA and Pappy exclaimed at the same time.

"That's right!"  SimonBob stepped out from behind a conveniently-placed combination fire 
and police department.  "Y'see, this has all been a carefully-staged test to see who's ready 
to join the Ninja Club.  You guys just passed, so welcome aboard!"

UWA held up his hand.  "But I was already part of -"

"I said WELCOME ABOARD," Simon repeated.

"Now let's talk about club fees," Falcon said.  Pappy and UWA traded worried glances, then 
bolted down the dirt road.

Simon grinned.  "They'll be back."

"How do you figure?"

"I stole their wallets."