| THE CROOKED WORLD by Steve Lyons |
| Story 57 Synopsis: The TARDIS lands on a planet known only as The Crooked World, and the Doctor is promptly shot at point blank rage. His assailant is perplexed that the Doctor might be hurt, which isn't what usually happens. Fitz, the Doctor and the shooter, a pig named Streaky Bacon, are taken to Zanytown by an ambulance, though the Doctor continues to not recover. All are dumped at a hotel, where the Doctor finally bucks up. Streaky goes to tell lawman, Sheriff Boss Dog of what he has done, but Dog isn't sympathetic. Anji, meanwhile, is disturbed when the TARDIS is invaded by a strange bird (Streaky's real target). Then the TARDIS falls off a cliff. But Anji is OK, and soon hooks up with Angel Falls, a racing driver in the Funny-Car Derby. Anji makes to to town, but not before having a go at Angel for her behaviour. Angel meets the Doctor and Fitz, to get help, when she is menaced by her nemesis, the Masked Weasel. It doesn't take long to rumble that the Weasel is none other than her guardian, Mr Weasley. The arrival of the TARDIS travellers has forced the natives to start to rationalise their behaviour, and they start to rebel. A group of baddies band together to try and take over the world, after Fitz unwittingly drops a few hints on how. Boss Dog is not happy, least of all when the cats start to complain at their status, and downtrodden Jasper finally defeats his mouse nemesis, Squeak, by biting his head off. The Doctor manages to get Dog to give him a trial, acts as his defence counsel, and puts society on trial also. The baddies are foiled, and in an underground tunnel, all parties find what Dog has become so feared of. The Crooked World was visited before, by an infant girl, who changed her surrounds. She died, and Dog blamed himself. Streaky Bacon replaces Dog as Sheriff, with Dog going to tend Bacon's fields. The Doctor, Anji and Fitz leave, but not before the previously mute Jasper is able to say "Thank you" to the Doctor. |
| Review:- When this book was first announced, almost a year ago, it was as a tale with a planet where the laws of science were a bit odd. What, I thought, we've just had The Slow Empire, with that same premise. Is this Steve Lyons response, in some kind of bid to challenge Dave Stone, as King of quirky novels? Well, now, here it finally is. I have been very critical of the BBC Eighth Dr novels lately, but it's been a few months since I finished The Book Of The Still and when I started this, I approached it with as light a heart as I could muster. Yes, it's Dr Who meets Scooby-Doo, Tom & Jerry, Penelope Pitstop & the Hooded Claw, Porky Pig, and many more. Can this outrage be excused? Well, no, of course not, but for the most part, this is an easy-to-read romp, with our heroes being brilliant. Let's take each facsimile in turn, shall we? The Skeleton Crew are all wittily surnamed, although Fearless isn't too close to Scooby-Doo. With the real cartoon hitting cinema screens, this must count as a stroke of luck, but not if you detest Scooby-Doo, and all it stands for. Scooby's notorious nephew, Scrappy-Doo is tacked on to be Boss Dog's deputy, and gets squished under a 10 ton weight. Whereas the ending suggests that Squeak survives, Scrapper is left to rot, possibly a popular move. Jasper & Squeak have a tricky job. After all, what are Itchy & Scratchy but analogues of Tom & Jerry, pointing out the violence inherent in the system? Squeak is scarcely in it, and Jasper is swiftly made sympathetic, and it is saddening to read his frustration at being mute. Coincidentally, I watched The Curse Of Peladon this week, and it struck me how few mute characters there are in Dr Who. Anyway... Jasper finally beats Squeak, but can't even rejoice. Having had his freedom curatiled, his actions prompt real conflict to form. The Doctor gets him off, although the end with Squeak's return rather dampens this moving tale. His managing to squeeze out a few words echoes the end of The Autonomy Bug, and probably many more. Still, it was nice. Angel Falls & Mr Weasley get across well, with Weasley's dual nature sabotaging his attempts to be really nasty. Angel just about keeps her image as, er, voluptuous, but it demeans the tale to have Fitz hit on her in the helicopter, and have the punchline delivered in Anji's subplot in Scary Manor. If he was going to tackle sex, then there should have been another way. Streaky Bacon and Boss Dog can be sort of related to those other comic strip duellists, Kroton and Katsura Sato. One earns remorse, and becomes stronger for it, the other denies himself, and ends up the worse off. The Doctor is pretty friendly here, by which term I mean that he's much like the guy we saw on TV, full of ideas, helpful and dynamic. Anji spends a long time with the Skeleton Crew, but rarely comments that these characters are familiar. Perhaps in the much-vaunted DW Universe, all these cartoon shows don't exist. Fitz tries his best, and is excellent all the way, except for the helicopter scene, which just doesn't play as if it's genuine. The big problem with the book is that it is so fun and readable that the thought begins to nag - how's it going to end? I honestly expected that the Whatchamacallit would turn out to be a rogue alien, and the creator of the world, but no doubt that would have been too easy. No, it turns out to be first, Boss Dog, pretending to be God. Then, his motivation is that earlier, a little girl arrived, changed the World, and died. This reads so much like "I've got to think of something quick!" that I felt finally my doubts were justified. Oh well, we'll all come back to see what happens next. |
| Disclaimer: I own a copy. |