nosphorous

Copyright 2008 Susan Walker (aka SuzieB)

All characters of StarGate and StarGate Atlantis belong to their respective writers and MGM. This is a work of fan fiction. I just want to play with them for awhile.

Chapter 4

John stayed where he was. Barely daring to breathe until he was sure that he could no longer hear the dying echo of Teyla's footsteps. Like that made a hell of a lot of difference anyway. Her presence still lingered in the still air and he had to force himself not to follow her scent.

He could feel the dim throbbing of her heart. It was calling out to him like a siren's song and the voice was high and sweet. Every fiber in his body told him to follow it but his brain quickly squashed that idea down. In his condition that would not be the smart thing to do.

His condition, he snorted. Whatever the hell that was!

But John knew that he was wasn't going to find out anything standing around in the hallway holding his sheet in his hand. Gathering it up around his knees, he padded quietly down the hallway toward his quarters.

Once he was in front of his door, he stopped. He suddenly felt uncertain. What was he going to find on the other side of that door?

He wasn't even sure just how long he'd been in that make shift morgue before he suddenly woke up. What if all his stuff was gone? Would Elizabeth have already boxed up everything and sent it back through the gate to his family? Not that there was that much to send back in the first place.

He took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders. There was only one way that he was going to find out. He waved his hand over the control, the door slid open and he stepped inside.

The room was dark. The curtains had been pulled tight against the light and to John the place smelled like a tomb. He dropped the sheet on the floor and headed for the bed. He didn't even bother turning on the light. Everything stood out around him in sharp detail and to his eyes the room seemed as bright as day.

He stopped beside the bed and took a look around. Boxes were piled on top of the bare mattress and there were even more stacked on the floor. The walls were empty. His Johnny Cash poster was rolled up and laying on the desk next to his lap top, ready to be packed away. His skateboard was still propped up against the wall looking as lonely and dejected as he felt.

John gave a ragged sigh, pushed a couple of the boxes over and sat down on the edge of the bed. He still couldn't believe this was happening. Part of him was still convinced that this was just a dream but another part of him nagged that it was all too real. And he was really starting to hate that little part of him. Probably because he knew that it was the only part of him that was really telling the truth.

He picked up a shirt, held it to his nose and a slight smile crossed his face. This must have been where Teyla had come from. He could smell her scent the strongest of all though there was a hint of Elizabeth and Rodney thrown in the mix.

His friends. John's hands curled into balls of frustration. He was fighting to stay calm but he had to admit that this was really scaring the hell out of him. What did he say to them? How would his friends take it if he just walked up to them said 'Hi! I'm alive!' and then acted like nothing had ever happened?

Like that was really going to happen. He gave a snort of disgust and threw the shirt back down on the bed. After what he'd done...”Say her name, damn it!” He growled to himself. After what had happened to Chang...there was no way he could talk to them now.

Even if they didn't believe it wasn't him, that he couldn't have done what he knew he'd done, he knew that he couldn't talk to them. He needed to figure this out for himself first.

But he wasn't going to do it if he just sat there on his bare ass feeling sorry for himself.

He got to his feet reaching for the pile of uniforms ready to be boxed away and then he stopped. His fingers brushed over the back of one of the black shirt's he'd always worn under his jacket. The cotton felt soft and familiar and he winced slightly as a million memories suddenly ripped through his mind like the blade of a razor.

Elizabeth, Teyla, Ford, Carson...Rodney. Sumner's face right before John had put a bullet into him and put the Colonel out of his misery.

Breathing hard he jerked his hand back, staring at his fingers like they were strangers that he'd never seen before. Briefly he wondered if this was some type of payback that God had dropped on him. He grimaced and knocked the box sideways but instead of just toppling to the floor, it skittered halfway cross the room and landed against the wall with a loud thud.

He stared at the box where it lay crumpled and smashed, his uniforms scattered across the floor like gray and black smudges and then he looked down at his hand. He could feel the power surging through him and the sudden burst of intense rage scared him more than he wanted to admit.

His emotions roared inside of him but under it all there was only one thing that he knew he had to do.

He had to leave Atlantis.