nosophoros

Copyright 2008 Susan Walker (aka SuzieB)

All characters of StarGate and StarGate Atlantis belong to their respective writers and MGM. This is a work of fan fiction. I just want to play with them for awhile.

Chapter 7

Alone in his quarters, Aidan Ford cried. Hot tears ran down his face and soaked the pillow clutched to his chest as he lay curled up on his bed.

He looked at the gun on the bedside table. Ever since the Major had died he'd felt like the thing was staring at him, faulting him for what had happened.

God! He rolled over on his back and stared up at the ceiling then he threw the pillow away from him and sat up.

The gun was still looking at him.

Accusing him.

Blaming him.

He got to his feet, grabbed it up from the bedside table and stalked out of his quarters.

He knew what he had to do to make it up for failing his friend.

He had to end it.

Once and for all.

There were tears in Teyla's eyes when she left the infirmary. She wandered the halls, finally finding herself on the balcony over looking the ocean. How she'd gotten there she couldn't remember but she welcomed the feel of the cool breeze on her face.

She leaned against the railing. Her eyes felt hot from crying. Her mind was still whirling from Carson's words. He had said them so earnestly that she'd almost believed him. She wanted to believe him but she couldn't. It hurt too much to even think about.

The wind kicked up behind her. She heard a noise. A low muffled sound and then a rustling like dry leaves in the wind. But how could that be when there were no trees in the city of Atlantis?

She froze, her hands gripping the railing. A familiar scent wafted through the night air and then she heard a voice. A very familiar voice.

“Hello, Teyla.”

Her heart started to pound and her stomach seemed to twist into a hard knot of fear and panic. She turned around slowly and faced the man standing behind her.

“John?”

He pushed away from the wall and came toward her, moving with the grace of an animal stalking its prey.

“No...you're not real.” She shook her head. This was just her imagination. Carson's words had taken her grief and tried to make her hope real. She knew that when she opened her eyes that there would be nothing there.

But when she opened her eyes he was still there and she suddenly knew that this was no dream. Teyla wanted to back away but she couldn’t. Her back was against the rail and the only way she could escape was if she threw herself into the dark water below. Her heart was thudding in her chest, so loud that she was sure that even he could hear it. His jaw tensed for a moment, the expression on his face as if he were fighting with himself over something. Then slowly, he relaxed and a sad smile crossed his face.

“I can tell from your expression that you've seen Rodney and Chang by now.” He grimaced. “Sorry about that.”

“John...” She shook her head. “This cannot...this cannot be real.”

He chuckled softly. “I've been telling myself the same thing since I woke up in that room with a sheet over my face.”

She didn't answer but he hadn't expected that she would. He could smell her fear and it tasted sour in his mouth.

“Look at me, Teyla.” She hesitated. “I mean it, look at me.” It was more of a command than a request and John was surprised at the power in his voice.

He could feel her indecision. Even if her mind was telling her not to believe this, her heart was telling her that it was true. He had always admired Teyla's strength and to see her so frightened of him made him sad.

As if she were being forced to, Teyla raised her eyes to his. His face was so pale and his eyes…she had always thought his eyes attractive before. Now they seemed to be a deeper green and they burned with an inner fire. Teyla shivered. The way he was looking at her made her feel as if he were looking into her soul..

He was even dressed differently. It was rare that she had ever seen him out of uniform but to see him dressed this way was a shock. She couldn’t help herself. Her eyes traveled over his body, taking in the long black leather coat, black jeans, black boots and a red shirt, open at the throat. Her gaze strayed to the red marks that marred his neck.

“I know.” He chuckled softly. “It's a new look-” He moved toward her and she jumped. John sighed. She looked like a terrified rabbit, ready to bolt any minute. “Teyla, please...don't be afraid of me.”

“I am not afraid of you.” She kept her eyes on him, watching him warily.

“Yes, you are.” He smiled but it was a sad one.

He leaned against the railing and stood there staring out at the ocean. The wind rippled his dark hair and for a second Teyla felt like the real John, her John, was standing there. But then he turned his head and looked at her and her hopes crumbled.

“John, please tell me this this is all a dream.”

He looked down at his hands. “I know...it's a shock. I'm having a hard time believing it myself.” He looked up. “I'm sorry, Teyla. But I can't. And about Rodney...” John sighed softly. “I never meant to hurt him, Teyla. I never meant to hurt him or Chang. It's just that I...I couldn't help myself.” He looked at her with pleading eyes. “You believe me, don't you? Please say you believe me.”

“Why?” She shook her head. “How can I say that I believe you when I don't even know what is happening myself?”

“That makes two of us.”

“John,” This was crazy but still she couldn't resist the urge to reach out and touch him. She wanted to hold him. She needed the feel of his skin under her hands to make herself believe that he was really there.

“Please, Teyla.” He stepped back out of her reach. “Don't do that.”

“John, whatever has happened to you, you are still my friend.”

“I know.”

“Then let me help you. We will go to Elizabeth...tell her what has happened. Carson...perhaps there is something that Carson could do to help you...” The words came out in a rush.

John laughed and shook his head then a sad, haunted look came over his face. “No, Teyla. After what I've done-” His grip tightened on the rail. “I can't stay here.”

“Atlantis is your home.”

“Major?”

John turned around at the sound of the new voice. Dark fury flashed in his eyes and he spat out one word. “You.”

Aidan Ford stared at the man that had once been his commanding officer and his friend. A huge grin of happiness and relief broke out on his face and he started toward him. “Oh, My God! Major? You-you're alive!”

“Don't.” John held out a hand and Ford stopped. John's face was grim and he looked mad as hell.

“Major-” Aidan stopped, a look of doubt on his face.

“Now you remember.” John growled and cocked his head slightly. “Where the hell have you been anyway, Ford? Hiding like usual?” His eyes went to the gun. “Or were you feeling really guilty about something?”

He looked down, suddenly remembering the gun in his hand. Aidan glanced at Teyla and she saw the guilt in his eyes. She went stone cold, afraid to even breathe. Flashes of what had happened back in the Jumper went through her mind. John had practically begged Aidan to kill him, to release him from the pain but Ford had refused. He had been so intent on saving his friend that he had ignored every thing that John had said.

“John, he only meant to save you.” Teyla licked her lips, her voice trembling. “All of us tried to save you.”

“Great fucking job.” John growled but his eyes were only on Aidan. “I was depending on you, man. I was depending on you and you let me down.” His words ended in a shout.

Something had changed. Teyla could feel it. John had seemed so sad when he talked about what he had done but the look he was giving Ford made her blood run cold. It was a feral look. The look of the beast inside him.

The look of a killer.

“Why didn't you do it?” John took a step toward him. “Why didn't you do what I asked you to do in the first place?”

“Because you were my friend, Major!” Aidan shouted. Suddenly afraid he raised the gun and leveled it at John's chest. He spoke again and this time his voice was softer. “Because you were my friend.”

“Some friend.” John snarled. “Look at me now, Ford. Look at what your friendship did to me!” John moved toward him, murder in his eyes.

Aidan's voice shook. “Don't take another step, Major or I'll shoot!” His hand shook slightly but he managed to keep his grip on the gun.

John laughed. “No you won't.” He took another menacing step. “You couldn't even do it the first time. What makes you think I'll believe that you'd do it now?”

“I mean it, Major! Not. Another. Step.” Aidan gritted his teeth. “Major, I'm sorry...I never meant for this to happen.”

John smiled a hard, cold and cruel smile. “You should have killed me the first time, my friend.”

Aidan didn't even have time to blink before John moved, grabbed the gun out of his hand and tossed it over the railing.

John gripped him by the throat, his nails digging into the younger man's skin. Aidan kicked against him, trying to break loose but John was strong, stronger than he ever had been before.

“I think you dropped something.” John snarled. “Maybe you should go and get it.”

“John, don't!” Teyla suddenly knew what he was going to do. She screamed and ran toward him.

But it was too late.

Aidan cried out a terrible strangled noise as John tossed him over the railing and into the dark water below.

“No!” Teyla screamed and ran to the rail. She leaned over, trying to see but it was too dark. All she could hear was Aidan's dying screams as he fell and then the horrifying splash of his body hitting the water far below.

She turned on John.

But he was already gone.