Disclaimer: All characters of StarGate and StarGate Atlantis belong to their respective writers and MGM. This is a work of fan fiction. I just want to play with them for awhile.
Awake
copyright 2009 awakethepassion
1.
Three days.
For three days he'd been sitting beside her bed just watching her breathe and praying that she would open her eyes and look at him. And for three days he'd been disappointed. Carson had told him not to worry, that she was fine. That she needed the rest, that she needed to sleep to heal but it didn't help to ease the ache in his heart even a tiny bit.
He rubbed a tired hand over his face and winced a little at the pain in his cheek. The places where Sharon had scratched him were healing okay but sometimes he forgot that they were even there. At least, until he touched them and then the memory of everything that had happened flashed back into his mind.
“No.” He whispered to himself. “I won't do it.”
“I'm sorry, Colonel. Did you say something?”
John looked up to see one of the nurse's looking down at him, a sympathetic smile on her pretty face. He sighed softly. Ever since he had carried Susan into the infirmary, all of them had gone out of their way to be especially patient and nice to him. Even Carson. Frankly, he was beginning to hate it.
He didn't want their damn pity. He wanted Susan to wake up. He wanted to get her out of here and away from the tubes and monitors and medicinal smells so badly that he could almost taste it.
“No. I didn't” He shook his head and leaned his elbows on the side of the bed. Just go away, he thought.
“Would you like something to eat? Maybe something to drink.”
She was still smiling and for an insane moment he wanted to smack her. He started to tell her to get the hell away from him but then his stomach grumbled loudly and he bit back the retort.
“I guess that answers my question.” She laughed and the sound grated against his ears. “I'll be right back.”
Gently, she patted his shoulder and it was an effort not to jerk away from her. He watched her until she was gone then he reached out and slipped his hand over Susan's. She was so cold and he rubbed her knuckles, hoping that his touch might work some miracle. But she stayed still. He cupped her hand in his. It felt so small and thin and he couldn't resist raising it to his lips and turning it so that he could gently kiss her palm.
Tears slid down his cheeks when he felt her pulse. Her heart was beating so strong. Why wouldn't she wake up? Please, God...he prayed. That's all I want. Just let her wake up and come back to me.
“I'm sorry, Colonel.”
Startled, he looked up and saw Evan Lorne in the bed next to hers. He was laying on his side, his dark eyes watching them intently. For the same time that Susan had been here, Lorne had been pretty out of it himself. John hadn't really paid much attention to him but now he felt a little twinge of jealously. How was it fair that Lorne was awake while Susan hadn't even moved so much as a muscle?
“It's not your fault, Major.” John's mouth felt dry and he licked his chapped lips. He bit back his ire and it tasted sour in his mouth. He didn't really want to talk to Lorne right now. But to escape the man's dark stare he'd have to leave and he wasn't about to do that.
“Then why do I feel like it is?” Lorne grimaced slightly. “You were right, Colonel. If I had kept a better watch on Jake...”
“It still would have happened.” John told him. He rubbed his hand over Susan's arm. “They wanted her. They took her.” He swallowed and managed to give the man a small smile. “And with your help...we got her back.”
“But still-” Lorne sighed and John could hear the pain in his voice.
“That's enough, Major.” John's voice was rough. Immediately sorry, he sighed and shook his head. “Look, Lorne, I shouldn't have said that.”
“You've got every right-”
John wasn't good with apologies but he knew that he had to make this one, even if he had to do it in his own back handed way. Even after the way he had treated him, Lorne had come back to help them. He'd even taken a bullet to the side for his effort. John owed him for that. Owed him for those few precious seconds that weakened Sharon and gave him the ability to wipe her out of their lives once and for all.
“No. I don't. Lorne-” He bit his lip and then raised his eyes and looked at him. “Both of us made mistakes. Things we did...things we said...things we...things we regret.” He paused for a second. He really didn't want to hold on to this anger that was eating him up. He wanted to push it out of his mind and not ever think about it again. He tilted his head slightly and gave Lorne a steady look. “Do you understand me, Major?”
Lorne was silent for a minute and then he smiled slightly. “Understood, Colonel.”
Thankfully, the painful silence that crept up between them was broken when the nurse with the smiley face came back carrying a tray. She stepped around him and set it down on the table beside him. John tried his best to ignore her and he sighed with relief when she finally moved away.
His stomach rumbled at the smell of the food and his nose itched at the rich smell of the coffee in the cup next to him. At first he started to leave it on the tray but his belly rumbled again.
“It won't do you any good if you just leave it sitting there.”
He felt a touch on his shoulder and looked up to see Teyla standing beside him. He allowed himself a slight smile as he reached for the cup.
She grinned when he pressed it to his lips and took a small sip. It was hot and tasted like heaven. He'd hadn't realized that he was so hungry until the warmth hit his belly. He started to take a bigger drink but she reached out a hand to touch his arm.
“Go slowly.” She cautioned him. “You have not eaten in days.”
He nodded slightly and took another sip, then leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, feeling the warmth spread through him. Lazily, he yawned and closed his eyes for a few seconds. He was so tired.
“You have not slept in days as well, John.” She said softly. “Eat then go back to your quarters and rest. I will watch her.”
“Thanks, but no.” John set the cup on the table and leaned toward the bed again.
She laid her hand on his shoulder. “I know that you want to be here in case she should wake up, but will it do any good for her if you make yourself ill as well?”
John knew she was right. He was so worn out that he could hardly hold his head up but he couldn't go back to their quarters. He couldn't sleep in their bed knowing that she wasn't there. He couldn't lay his head on the pillow and smell her scent when he knew that he couldn't feel her warmth there next to him.
“Teyla, I can't-”
“Then lay here then. You will still be close to her.” She indicated the empty bed behind him. “I'm sure that Carson will not mind.”
He thought about it for a minute and then wearily shook his head. “You promise?”
“I promise.” She smiled and pulled the tray toward him. “But first you must eat something.”
He started to protest but she put up a hand to stop him. “Do you think you are going to be any good to her if you do not keep your strength up?”
He allowed himself a small smile. “Okay, Mom.”
She uncovered the tray for him and watched him as he ate what he could, then she slid it back and helped him to stand. She watched him as he lifted himself up on the bed, covering him with a blanket when he curled up on his side like a child. He was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow and snoring lightly before she could tuck the blanket around him.
Teyla smiled, gently patted his shoulder and then turned to the figure in the bed beside her. Gently, she laid her hand on Susan's arm and studied the sleeping woman's face.
“Do you think she'll ever wake up?”
She looked up to see Lorne watching her intently. “She will.”
“I hope so.” Lorne tiredly rubbed a hand across his face. He nodded toward the bed where Sheppard slept. “I'm glad you finally talked him into getting some sleep.”
“Me...too.”
Startled, Teyla jumped at the sound of the raspy sounding voice. She looked down to see Susan looking up at her, a tired smile on her face. She turned toward Sheppard and started to wake him but stopped when she felt cold fingers wrap around her wrist.
“Don't...” Susan coughed and shook her head slightly. “Let him sleep.”
“But I promised him-”
“I know.” Susan said softly. She closed her eyes again and licked at her dry, chapped lips. “He worries...too much...about me...the idiot.”
Lorne hoisted himself out of the bed and managed to walk to the side of hers.“Hey...” He smiled slightly. “Welcome back, Doc.”
She turned slightly trying to ease over in the bed. Seeing, Lorne she tried to raise her hand and groaned when the muscles in her back pulled.
Teyla moved to help her but before she could Carson appeared, a concerned look on his face.
“What's going on here?” He looked at Lorne. “What the hell are you doing up? Get back in that bed.” Then he saw that Susan was awake and his expression softened. He leaned over her, gently pressing a hand to her shoulder. “Whoa, lass. Be easy. Wouldn't want you to pull those stitches loose.” He looked at the bed where Sheppard was curled up and gave Teyla a look. “Have you worked a miracle?”
“Wonders never cease.” Teyla smiled softly. “But at least when he does awaken it will be to something good.”
Carson grinned and turned his attention to the woman in the bed. “How are you feeling, lass?”
“Hurts...” She mumbled and blinked up at him blearily. “But not as bad as...as before.”
“I think I can take care of that.” He smiled. “I'll be right back.”
“Thank you.” Susan sighed and rested her head back against the pillow. After he had gone she looked up at Teyla. “Will you help me sit up?”
“I'm not sure if Carson-” Teyla hesitated. Susan's face was pale and her words were still halting and slow.
“Please?” Susan gave her a pleading look. “I can't lay here much longer.”
“I'll help.” Lorne told her but he didn't look all that strong himself.
Teyla shook her head at him and pursued her lips thoughtfully. “Perhaps if I prop the pillows behind you...”
“I don't care.” Susan rasped out. “I just need to move.”
Teyla looked over her shoulder. Sheppard was still curled motionless beneath the blanket, Carson was no where in sight. She looked at Susan and sighed. “I do not want to hurt you.”
“You can't do any worse.”
“The hell she can't.” A voice grumbled from behind her. “What the hell do you two think you're doing?”
They both looked around to see John sitting up on the bed. He tugged the blanket off and sat up. He swayed slightly and Teyla reached out to grab him before he fell off the edge of the narrow bed. He frowned and gave her an accusing look. “You were supposed to wake me up.”
“I-”
“I asked her not to.” Susan told him softly.
John was still woozy but he managed to get off the table without hurting himself. Teyla grabbed his arm and he let her help him into the chair next to the bed. John rubbed his eyes. He was still dog tired and felt like he'd been on a week long drunk. But that didn't stop him from scooting closer so that he could lean toward the bed and give her a gentle kiss. “Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty.”
“I see our Prince Charming is awake.”
John looked up to see a grinning Carson standing at the other side of the bed. A disappointed look crossed his face when he saw the needle in the doctor's hand. He reached out and laid his hand over Susan's, curling his fingers around hers and smiling slightly when he felt her do the same. “She just woke up. You're not going to put her to sleep again are you?”
“For a little while longer.” Carson slid the needle into the port of the IV in the back of her other hand. He looked at John and frowned slightly. “And from the look of you, you could do with a lengthy nap yourself, Colonel.”
“I don't need-” John felt pressure on his hand and turned to see Susan watching him. Some of the fire was back in her eyes and she gave him a little wink.
“He will.” Susan said softly and squeezed his fingers tight. “Even if I have to hit him over the head...”
“I think you'd better listen to her, son. I think she means it.” Carson laughed and turned to Lorne. “And I thought I told you to lay down or do I have to give you a shot too?”
Taking the younger man by the arm, he steered him toward his own narrow bed. Lorne just grinned and looked a little relieved.
As they moved away, Teyla smiled and leaned forward. “Do not worry. I will make sure he gets some rest.”
“Thank you.” Susan was starting to get groggy and she let go of John's hand and reached out. “If he doesn't...you have my permission...to kick his ass...”
Teyla laughed and clasped her hand gently. John's throat tightened and he started to feel a little guilty. Teyla was like a sister to him and he'd never even bothered to introduce Susan to her or anyone else on his team. Now that he had her back, he was going to have to fix that little problem.
“You two aren't going to start ganging up on me are you?” He managed to grin and gave them both a wary look.
Teyla chuckled, winked at him and then squeezed Susan's hand gently before she let go. “Disobey us and you will know.”
She turned to go and John stood up to grab her arm to stop her. “Don't go yet.” he whispered. “I want to talk to you.”
Teyla nodded and he let her go. She stepped away from the bed to give him time alone with her.
John turned back to the bed and smiled. Not caring if everyone in the infirmary was watching, he leaned over and gave Susan a soft kiss. “You know I don't want to go.”
“I...know...” She blinked up at him and he knew she was trying to fight against falling asleep again. “But do it...anyway.”
“Susan...I-”
“No...” He had to lean close because her voice was getting softer. “Don't be...dumb ass...”
He chuckled and the tight band around his heart loosened even more. He had to make himself realize that she was safe. She was in the infirmary with Carson and even Lorne to watch over her. The most dangerous thing she had to worry about now was that he was going to pass out from exhaustion on top of her.
With a sigh, he leaned over her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her in a gentle embrace. He pressed his forehead against hers and felt her eyelashes flutter against his cheek. “I'll be back, love. I promise.”
“'Kay...but you...sleep...first...” She mumbled and whispered sleepily before the drugs carried her back under. “And brush your teeth...your breath stinks...”
John snorted with laughter. She was already asleep and he gave her a gentle kiss before he let go and pulled the blanket up around her shoulders. When he turned around, Teyla was still standing there watching him. Taking her by the elbow, he steered her toward the hallway.
They walked in silence for a few minutes and then he stopped and turned to face her. “Teyla, I-”
“You're welcome.” She smiled.
He laughed. “You don't know what I was going to say.”
“We have been friends long enough for me to know, John.” She smirked slightly and glanced back the way they had come. “And you should know by now that we would do for you, what you would have done for us.”
He hung his head and wouldn't look at her. “You know I'm not good-”
“At apologies?”
“Look, I'm-I'm sorry that I treated you guys like I did.” He looked up. She gave him a knowing grin and he felt his face getting red. “You guys didn't have to...you didn't have to help me get her back. But I'm glad you did.”
“John, we did not have to give blood to her either but-” She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You are family. We are all family and now your Doctor Walker-”
“Her name is Susan.” He said it proudly and saw her smile.
“And now your Susan is going to be a part of our family too. I do not think that any of the other's would disagree with me.” She grinned wryly. “Except perhaps for Rodney.”
“Screw Rodney.” He laughed and then his face grew serious. “But I mean it. Thank you, Teyla. Thank all of you. You don't know how much...” His voice was ragged emotion, then he caught himself and cleared his throat. He was fighting for words, trying to think of what he wanted to say next when she saved him from making a fool of himself.
“Yes, I do. Now go and rest, John. You are tired and we will have plenty of time to talk of this later.” She took his arm and steered him toward the transporter just across the hall. He hesitated and she gave him a little shove. “Remember...” she chided him. “I have her permission.”
John smiled when she turned and walked away. He watched her until she disappeared and then he turned for the transporter door, feeling better than he had in days.
He was starting to feel like he was finally doing something right.
2.
Susan had been in the infirmary for almost three weeks now and she was nearly ready to scream. God, but she was bored! And thinking of bored...she looked down at the magazine in her lap and sighed.
Damn, but she missed John. At least with him she didn't feel like she was losing her mind. Ever since she had come to, he had been nothing but sweet and attentive and she would have been lying if she said that she wasn't enjoying his attention. But when he was gone on a mission like he was now...she wanted him back more than anything.
She knew she shouldn't be complaining. It was her own fault. He had spent enough time looking after her and with Lorne still out of commission, she knew that his place was with his team. It had been a struggle just to get him to agree but finally he had relented. It was good for him to get out for awhile, now she just wished that she could.
She was tired of this bed. Tired of not being able to just get up and go where she wanted. Tired of being trapped. Thank God he was due back this morning because she didn't think she was going to be able to stand the boredom much longer.
Susan sighed, shook her head and started to flip the pages of the magazine John had left beside the bed. Then she realized it was one of his golf magazine's and she felt even more bored than she had before.
“Doctor Walker?”
Startled, Susan put down the magazine and did looked up, her eyes widening slightly at the sight of her new visitor. She'd expected to see Carson or even better Sheppard, standing at the end of her bed. Not the resident shrink. She'd heard about the woman but they didn't exactly go around in the same circle where their paths might meet.
Kate Heightmeyer smiled and held out her hand. “I don't think we've met before.”
“No, we haven't.” Susan frowned as shook the woman's hand and then let go. “It's nice to meet you but...I'm not really sure why you're here though.”
“I thought maybe...maybe you'd like to talk.” Kate shrugged slightly. “About what happened.”
Susan suddenly felt cold. Yeah, I bet you do. She shook her head and plastered the most confused look on her face that she could manage. “I really don't remember that much, Doctor.”
Heightmeyer smiled but Susan could tell that she really didn't believe her. Kate shifted slightly and pressed her hands together. “I understand. After such a traumatic venture...maybe after you've rested a bit more then.”
“Maybe...” Susan didn't like the way Heightmeyer was looking at her. She felt uncomfortable, like she was a damn bug under a microscope. She knew the woman wanted her to say something but Susan wasn't ready and doubted if she ever would be. And who the hell had sent her anyway? She glanced up and saw Carson but he had his back to her. Was it him?
“Good.”
She turned back to see Heightmeyer giving her another soft smile.
“If you ever feel like you or Colonel Sheppard need to talk to someone...” Kate prompted.
“Thanks, Doc.” Susan forced herself to smile and leaned against the pillows behind her back. “I'll remember that.” Like hell I will!
Susan waited until the woman had gone before she let herself breathe a sigh of relief. Damn. She knew the Doctor really was only trying to help, but she did not want to talk to Heightmeyer or anyone else about it. And she doubted that John would either.
She doubted that John would even want to talk to her about it and she wasn't all that sure that she even wanted to ask him. The bed rails next to her rattled and she turned her head slightly and saw Lorne looking at her. He looked away from her quickly but she could tell from the look on his face that he had heard the conversation.
She had heard bits and snatches about what kind of role he had played in the whole thing and she wondered if Kate had spoken to him too. They hadn't managed to talk much since the ordeal, but a kind of kinship had grown up between them and she made a mental note to ask him when they had a little more privacy.
She really liked the man and John had seemed to trust him enough that she felt like they could be friends. Friends enough that she felt she could kid him just a little.
“One word out of you and I will kick your ass.” She pointed a finger at him.
“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Evan grinned slightly and leaned back against his own pillow. “I didn't hear a thing.”
“What the hell are you two talking about?”
Susan jumped and then smiled when she heard the sound of Sheppard's voice. Where the hell had he come from? She looked at Evan, wondering if she had the same guilty look on her face as he did. Then just as quickly, they looked away from each other.
“Nothing.” She and Lorne both said it at the same time.
John was striding toward them, looking more relaxed and gorgeous than he had in days. It was a good thing she was feeling stronger. Dressed in those tight blue jeans and that black shirt unbuttoned far enough to show some of that gorgeous chest...she knew she wouldn't have been able to survive that if she'd been any weaker and suddenly Kate Heightmeyer was the farthest thing from her mind.
She allowed herself an evil little grin when several nurses turned and gave him longing looks as he walked by. She knew that they wished he would turn and look at them but he only had eyes for her...and Lorne. When he reached her bed, he stopped, put his hands on his hips and gave them both a puzzled look. “Didn't look like nothing to me.”
He exchanged a look with Lorne but it was over so quickly that she didn't really pay attention to it.
“You're too suspicious.” Susan ignored the jealous looks she was getting as she tried to edge up in the bed. Distracted, John moved to help her. Slipping his arm around her shoulders, he let her hold on to his arm and use him as support. Gently, he propped the pillows behind her.
He looked up at Lorne and winked. “Sorry, buddy. But I've got to spend some time with my girl.”
Before Lorne could reply, he reached out to pull the privacy screens around her bed to give them some seclusion.
“What do you think you're up to?” She reached out and he slid into her arms.
“Wanna guess?” He whispered and gave her a positively wicked grin. “It's long and hard if you want a hint.”
She heard a snort from somewhere behind the screen and knew that Lorne had heard him. She felt her face get red but John just laughed. “Will you be quiet?” She hissed at him.
“No.” He let her go and moved back slightly so that he could slide his hand under the blanket. His fingers were cool and she jumped when he gently ran his hand over her leg. “Nice way of trying to change the subject, love. But I know you're up to something. Now tell me...” His hand creeped under the edge of her hospital gown. He smiled sinfully and trailed his fingers over the inside of her thigh until he found her tickle spot. “What were you and Lorne talking about?”
“Stop it, you idiot!” She pushed at him and tried to stifle a giggle. “What if Carson sees us?”
“He'll probably wonder what took us so long.” Sheppard whispered in her ear. He rested his elbow against the pillow and keeping his hand on her thigh, leaned in to kiss her hungrily. She tried not to moan when one long finger edged against her folds. “Hmm...so wet...” he whispered against her mouth. “I wish I could take advantage of that.”
“You are a hateful man, John Sheppard.” She whispered back. Being careful of the IV still in the back of her hand, she reached up to run her fingers through his dark hair and realized it was still damp. He must have taken a shower before coming to see her. “But you look damn good and I missed you.” She breathed in the scent of him. “And you smell good too...some kind of sharp aftershave with just a hint of fabric softener. Sexy.”
“I missed you too and if you really want me to...” he drawled and tickled his finger over her again. “I could just crawl in there with you. That way, you can lean and sniff me all day.”
“Sounds good to me.” She grinned. “Too damn bad this bed is so small.”
“I could lay on top of you...”
“No...” she sighed and shook her head. “My back, remember?”
“Oh, yeah.” He shook his head. “Nothing wrong with your belly though. You can be on top. I think I can hold on to you...and there's always these rails you can grab on to.”
She tugged at his shirt, slipping her hand inside and curling the hairs on his chest around her fingers. “Buttons...might scratch.”
“I'll take the damn thing off then. That way you can play with my nipples-” He nuzzled her neck and flicked his tongue over the curve of her ear. “And I can play with yours.”
She nodded toward the shadowy figures moving beyond the screen. “Take a chance at letting them get a look at you? No way, Sheppard.” She tugged at the hairs. “This is mine. All mine.” She let him go and held up her hand with the IV attached. “And what about this? Don't want to jerk this out.”
“I can always find some wrist restraints-” A cough from somewhere behind them made them both jump.
“Excuse me, Colonel Sheppard. But I believe that I'd like my patient to get well before you send her into cardiac arrest.”
John groaned softly and pulled back to give the shadow at the corner of the screen a dirty look. “Damn, Doc. Can't you give us a little more time?”
“At the rate you're going? Not a chance. I wondered what was happening when her blood pressure and heart rate suddenly started to escalate. And these screens only added to my suspicion.” Carson laughed. “Good thing I came over to check. You've got one minute to get yourselves composed and then I'm coming in.”
“Shit.” John sighed and leaned down to press a kiss against the corner of her mouth. Reluctantly, he moved his hand from the inside of her thigh. Gently, he tugged down the hem of the gown and tucked it around her leg and smoothed the blanket back over her. “Damn mood killer.”
“I heard that!” Carson called out.
“Good.” John snarked at him. “I wanted you to.”
“Ten seconds, Colonel.” Carson warned.
“Maybe for you...Ow!” John rubbed at the spot on his arm where Susan had smacked him.
She shot him a look but he only grinned and sat down on the edge of her bed. Taking her hand in his, he started to rub his fingers across her knuckles and when Carson finally did pull back the screen, he looked like the very soul of innocence.
But Carson wasn't buying it for a second. He winked at Susan and then turned to John and gave him a stern look. “Now that you've disrupted my infirmary, Colonel Sheppard...I hope you're well satisfied now that you've succeeded in punishing my patient.”
John chuckled darkly. Turning his head, he looked at her, licked his lips and gave her such a deliciously naughty grin that wet heat pooled between her thighs.
“Doc, I'm just gettin' started.”
Author's Note: A shout out to Burny from the Joe Flanigan/John Sheppard Thunk Thread at Gate World. FINALLY! Someone did the Lean & Sniff! Thanks, Burny!
Want to know about the Lean & Sniff? Visit the Thunk Thread and find out...all you have to do is ask. ;)