I always had my thoughts elsewhere today, never focused on what I was actually doing. I almost poured a glass of water into the trash can instead of into the sink unit, sit down in front of the computr and wondered why nothing was happening - I hadn't turned the computer on, wondered why ftp wasn't working until I remembered I'd disconnected just the moment before. But it's nothing negative that makes me think other things so much, it's just that I think about other more important things today, things that seem to require all my attention. I'm not worried about it.
Things seem to get better, I am starting to feel better. I've felt more insecure the past few days, but I've figured out the reason and I'm working on it, heh. I want to get back to how I felt when I'd just come home from Caliornia, I felt so good about myself and my life, it's amazing what I learned there.
Saskia, something like a friend of mine, really surprised me today, in a negative way. She's always been immature and relied on others all the time and I don't think she'll ever really change until she falls on her butt. If she's lucky it will be hre to help herself. Anyway, we'll have a project about Newton very soon, and we were divided into groupd of 5 or 5 people. Three guys and I are responsible for the web site. I'm not sre what Saskia's group has to do, but there are ome guys who are very lazy and don't want to hear anything about the project until the day before. They are like that, and workig wth them doesn't seem too easy I suppose. Now Saskia wants to switch groups, and she wants to be in our group. She asked me what I thought about that, and I told her I didn't find it good because 4 people were more than enough, and that we all knew at least some html and had internet access at home, which she both lacked. Saskai answren that Tobi, one of the guys in my group, had allowedher to work with us. Which bothered me since he isn't the leader or whatever, everyone's opinoin counts the same. She seemed surprised and ran right away to a friend. I asked Tobi about it a few minutes later, and he said he wouldn't mind her being part of the group. Oo-kay. When he saw my puzzled face, he said that she too didn't want me in the group, and that she'd try to get me out of it, she said. I was just like what the fuck, it's my group not hers, and she is the one who doesn't know a thing. She also asked Flo and Fips. Fips likes everyone, so why would he have aid no. I was sitting across the room when she asked Flo, and his facial expression was hilarious. He can't stand Saskia, and it showed. Even she realized that his answer would be no.
During the next period she wrote notes with Kathrin who sits next to me, and told her she'd go ask a teacher about that switching groups. I suppose she won't be allwoed to, since she's the leader of her group. She doesn't have a reason to switch to our group anyway, she doesn't have any skills about the internet, a web site, html or whatever. It shouldn't be too difficult to convince the teacher that she doesn't fit in. Ha.
One stupid person. She always is so friendly to me but behind my back she talks shit like that and tries to start things against me. Now how stupid. But I really freaked out about it. I didn't get that someone would be so immature to do that. I mean, she's almost 18 and still does such kindergarten things. She once had a fight with Kathrin and said she wouldn't talk to her a single word anymore, haha! That was funny. But we'll see; it seems impossible that she'll get into my group.
I've been talking a lot to Marco today. We walked for a few moments when we met on the way to our class rooms, and he asked me why I hadn't been online lately. I told him to look me up on icq since I had a new number, talked a little more about French class, which we are together in, and then said good-bye. It was not a big deal since Marco is a friend, not more but not less either. When I entered the class room, Michael asked me though if I'd enjoyed the conversation with Marco. There were rumours about Marco and me for a couple of months last year, but they'd pretty much stopped because Marco and I weren't seen that often together anymore.
Now we've been talking on ICQ for a while, just having a good time. It's like how it used to be when we first became friends and got to know each other, there was so much to talk about. Now there is again, somehow. When no one has something to say, there's silence, but not the kind of silence that pressures you to say something. It's nice.
I've been listening to Lifehouse all day, all afternoon. It makes me feel so damn good, that song loud enough so that I feel the sound when I put my fingers on the computer desk. I'm playing it on the computer only. That feels good, the lyrics, feeling the music with my finger-tips, that is life. I have been thinking about adding a page to do with music and lyrics to the part about me, not sure what kind though. I liked the way I did it on the old version, but I actually don't want to use something I used back then already.
