I am doing not good today. For a couple of hours it's been getting to me, Michael is dying. From the facts he's given me I know that he doesn't have much time left. Michael is like a brother to me. We've been emailing each other, have some catching up to do. It's long emails I get, emails that must take him long to write. Talking about that he hopes to out of the hospital in July. It's killing me, it's killing me to write emails to someone that is like a big brother to me, to someone that is dying. Yes there might be a transplant found, there always is hope, but at the moment, he is dying, leukemia is fighting him and his system is getting weaker. Knowing that, and writing emails to him telling him what I did in California, and that I'm planning on coming back, and him replying to it, it's so hard. I mean, it is so paradox to me, I'm writing to someone who's like my brother who is dying. Read it again and again, this is making me crazy. He's not just anyone dammit. It's hard to write emails because it makes me so terribly sad and frustrated with the world, and to know it is very likely to lose someone that important to me.. I won't let him alone now, no way, and I will always try to write the best emails, making him smile and trying to make his day. Even when it's hurting me so much inside.
I met my brother in town today after school, we wanted to do some shopping and get me a Dickies jacket. They had a lot of jackets, many brands, but no Dickies jacket, unfortunately. I would have eallly liked one, one like James borrowed me when we were in Newport Beach, in California. Geez. I even saw the same jacket James had, but after all, it's a guy jacket, and it was much too big. And cut totally differently to girl's jackets. I need to spend some money, I already found two other jackets, not as good but ok, and I'll order one of them. They are expensive, buying expensive things always makes me feel good. I don't mind what others wear, I only watch what I wear. I like to wear expensive things every now and then because I like knowing that I can afford it. I do it for me, not for some status, whatever. I don't buy things only because of the brand either, the Dickies jacket is different. I work for my money, and I like spending it. It's that easy.
