I'd rather write something in third person today, but I can better write about myslf when not doing so.
I woke up four times this night because I wsa afraid my alarm clock would not wake me up at 5.15am. Every time I checked the time, counted how many hours I had left to sleep, felt the cool sleeves covering my arms, and felt happy.
The past two days I have slept with a short sleeved shirt and long pants. I had the idea because it reminded me of California, I always wore short pyjamas to sleep, but here it's too cold to wear shorts and a short sleeved shirt. I jumped into bed and tucked me in, and I was surprised how happy feeling the cool sleeves made me feel, happy because they made me feel like if I still was in California. It was a beautiful feeling, and I fell asleep happily, and very soon. Each time when I woke up, I had the feeling again and smiled real big. Others are angry when they wae up at 1.20am, someone is smiling.
I got up with a very good and positive feeling about me, my life, and the day that was ahead. I was motivated, and quite awake in spite of the early time. It surprised myself a bit but nothing changed until I was at work. I felt beautiful and good about myself, I looked into the mirror and liked what I saw. It was me, totally me. Work was very exhausting, from the very first moment that I was there at 7am till 4pm, I really was working hard. Usually I just clean up the shelves for a whle in the morning, but today I had to start with getting stuff and whatot downstairs. Heavy things, way too much. When it was barely 9am, I already felt like I �sually feel at 2pm, totally exhausted. I was teribly tired but there still was so much work to do. During the 9 hours, I had a brak of 10 minutes, that was it. We only were two people for toys/camping/household deparments today, which sucks and means a lot ofwork. The oher girl that was there was extrmely lazy, as always, and I am really not sure if she did anything. What I know for sure is that she didn't do a lot. Since I did all the sraning stuff in the morning already, I was very tired soon, and still had so many things to do. I hardly ever complain about my work, but today, if someone had asked me if I wanted to quit that job, I would have said yes.
I have a feeling like if I slowly get my place between the other workers my age. I've ben working there for a year and I get along with people, but somehow I always was rather an outsider since I still went to school. When they heard which school, it was even worse sometimes. But that seems to change now, I'm glad I'm kinda starting to belong there. I don't depend on that, but I like to see that sometimes, there's just a perfect slot for me to squeeze in. It's nice, since I like the people there also, and they are different to my friends I see every day and go to school with. It's just totally different, working 37,5 hours a week, and going to school. They seem more grown up. I think once you've receieved your first pay check, you realize you have to make a living with your work. I doubt many in my class actually have really realized that. They still dream of being he best, and having a high paid job. Working at a grocery store to make a living because it's the only work avaliable, is something they don't think of. 'Why me, I have good grades', all these fuckd up standards. They consider themselves intellectual and haven't started thinking and using their own brains yet. Bah.
Sometimes I wonder what's up with this place. People take over opinions like if it was money, totally screwed up standards that are just passed on unproved, lies all over, people that make up other people that then die to get attention even on the internet, wanting to fit stereotypes and yet pretending to fight htem at the same time. So many don't even realize it anymor ebecause it's so fucked up already. I find it scary sometimes, very scary.
Someone copied our domain layout today, which freaked me out immensly, just awy from that.
People are scary. It seems to get out of hand, everything.
