March 28th 2001

I've been feeling like writing lately and have some ideas in my head that need to be written down but something's lacking. I can't seem to find the right words to go with one another, and everything I think out seems clumsy and incomplete. Maybe because I've been so much in between two lives lately, the one that just relaxes and lets things come as they come, and the other one still trying to hold on to rules taught and expections of others. I need to let go of one of them, I need to know what of both I live. It's just a thin string that keeps the connection between me and the second kind of life, but that thin string seems to be enough to make me feel incomplete and not sure of what I currently live, what I spend my time with, what is right and wrong. Very confusing, but I suppose it won't take me long until I'm fine again.

Was a beautiful day today, I stayed at home from school, slept till 9.30pm. I set up the new layout Sarah made for Silver Reviews, edited some pages, and uploaded everything. I'm glad to have one more site of mine here at the domain, and SR deserves it to be hosted. I'm quiet proud of how popular it's become and how good my fellow reviewers are. Especially Sarah who jumps at every bad guestbook entry before I do and Ashley who is just as great.:) And Tux_Man whose real name I don't even know but who always makes me smile with his emails, for some unknown reason. A great bunch of people, and I think I'm lucky to have reviewers that stick to me like that.

My brother and I had lunch at my grandma's today, he didn't want to come along so I literally got down on my knees and begged him to come along. It's very unusual for me to beg for something, but I knew how much my grandma was looking forward to having us there and that she'd be disappointed if only I had come. My brother didn't agree immediately, but I suppose he knew I'd be mad at him and disappointed too if he didn't come along. And anyway, he's a good person. The potatoes she'd made were good, my brother even liked them better than my mom's. But the rest didn't taste too great, and I felt a bit sick when we were back at home. Tonight, we ordered Chinese food, which wasn't too good either, so I soon had a quite bad tummy ache. It couldn't keep me from eating ice cream though, and eventually, it got better. Heh. American ice cream has to be one of the best things I've ever eaten, especially cookies'n cream and chocolate chip. I wish we could buy them in any store here, not just at pizza services.

I'll have my hair cut tomorrow, finally. I also want wine red streaks. And a haircut I don't have to blow dry after washing my hair. I have curly hair by nature and the past few months I've always blow dried them so that they became straight. But it takes a long time, and when I am on vacation, I don't want to spend so much time on my hair. We'll see, I'll try to get some recent pictures of me up before I go to California, which will be on Saturday in a week.

It's almost midnight, and I think I should go to bed. I have to get up at 6.20am tomorrow although I won't go to school, because I have to wake up my brother. He could set his alarm clock too but it's not as trustworthy as I am I suppose. Haha. He asked me to wake him up, so well, I'd would have felt bad if I had said no. My brother has done so much for me, so many little things, so I think I can get up tomorrow to wake him up.

I got a comment on an entry of my journal today, quite an interesting one. It made me smile that people take the time to write me what they think about what I mentioned in my journal entries, I like the idea that people find my entries meaningful and inspiring. I don't depend on them, but I always find them supportive and they make me smile. I haven't replied to the comment yet but I will be sure to do so.

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