March 27th 2001

One of my fish died today. I wasn't just any fish, it was the oldest I had left, the fish was one of the six very first fish I got. ANd he was the only fish that had a name. He was over nine years old. I'm sitting her crying, crying that he's gone and not here anymore. It was such a beautiful fish, only active at night but I always watched him when I was younger. As I grew older, I less and less took the time to watch my fishes live and grow. The past few days, I'd realized that it'd been getting weaker and it didn't eat normal anymore, and I had the feeling that he might be close to his end. I kept feeding him and took extra care of him, I thought about buying a small aquarium and plants etc. just for him so that he could get stronger and get more attention. He looked like a snake, a bit, with black and beige stripes. And it was such a nice fish, he always seemed to look at me. And when you moved your finger at the glass, he followed your finger. And now I'm crying here, totally upset about this little fish. I have had many fishes, and many died, but none of them had a name, none of them was over nine years old. Oh geez.
When I first noticed it, I thought it wouldn't hit me that much, but when I told my brother, and he said it was just a fish and we'd get a new one, I said that it wasn't just any fish, and started crying. I then went into my room, got the net and remained standing in front of the aquarium. I looked at it. My brother stood behind me and realized that I was crying, he tried to comfort me and told me again we could get some new fishes. He meant it good, and he seemed to realize a bit what the fish had meant to me. He even asked me if he should take it out. But I said I'd do it. So, I did. I've been crying for 20 minutes. It wasn't#t just a fish, it was someone who'd been with me for 9 damn years.
And no, I don'T want to be told that I'm immature and chilish for crying over a fish. It is more than I cry over.

I wish the day had had a different end. The rest of the day actually was nice, Grace and I finished the domain and opened it. We got some very nice comments on it already, on the name, on the design.. I'm glad about that. The layout is very beautiful, it's amazing what Grace does with graphics. Although it has a springy theme, it stands out from the other spring layouts I think. It's through and through beautiful.

School was ok today. Yet, my six classes seemed never ending, I was extremely tired and looked on the watch every other minute. No tests today, nothing exciting, nothing that could have made the school day relevant. Except for that I got along very well with Olivia. We actually really talked, something we hadn't done in months. Two years ago we were very good friends, until about 8 months, we drifted apart, and didn't say anything to each other unless hi. It wasn't because we were mad at each other, it was something that happens when two people develop in two different directions. I helped her with her English report, and she told me what had been going on with her. Not a lot because she's afraid of getting hurt, but I could tell she felt comfortable telling me and that I didn't push her. It was nice having her around, someone who is not always hyper and actually knows good things to talk about. Someone you can have a decent conversation with without mentioning guys, fashion and sex.

I will most likely stay at home tomorrow. I've had that planned since a week, it comes handy now anyway, a free day. I can sleep in, spend the day with senseless things. I will have lunch at my grandma's, which is ok. She was so thrilled when I told her I'd come for lunch this week. My other grandma had knee surgery done today. I haven't heard anything from my grandpa yet, so I suppose everything went good. I will call him tomorrow and ask how she is doing, and if he needs anything, and how he's doing.

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