January 21st 2001

argh I knew he was going to go to London but I didn't know he'd go that soon, I thought next week. Fuck. Just called Siya and his brother told me he'd gone to London for 3 to 4 weeks. 3 to 4 weeks?? Ok. He left two days ago. He still called me at 8pm but I didn't make it to the phone in time. Ok I'm confused right now, I hadn#t known he'd leave that soon. But it's ok. After all he did call and it was just me who was too slow to get to the phone in time. Oh what a jerk I can be. Damn in I can't change it. I hope he's well, and that he's with his aunt now. We talked three days ago and he was really down because she may have cancer. He said he'd take a flight to London next week, so I'm quite surprised that he's left already. But I suppose he'll call. He sure will. Siya was so confused, I'd never experienced him like that before. I hope he can clear up some things there, and that it turns out that his aunt does not have cancer. I hope he'll take care of himself. I don't want to be, but I'm a little upset. About the fact that he's even further away now then before, and that something could happen to him. Though I try to convince myself that he's alright there. And that it is best for him to be with his aunt now. And the best would be if I got rid of all this confusion. Argh

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