March 20th 2001

The past two days I actually felt pretty good. Yesterday I spent the whole afternoon writing my essay. It took me over five hours and I was surprised when I read the result. I didn't think it would be that easy to write an essay about a book I hadn't even read, using only internet resources. I was quite satisfied with the essay. I wrote it myself and only used quotes found here and there. I'm curious about the grade I'll get.
When I wanted to print it out, a piece if paper got stuck somewhere inside the printer and there was no way to removed it. I was going crazy, with the finished essay on my computer, and no way printing it out. I sent Julia an SMS if she'd print it out for me and bring it along to school today, and she fortunately said yes. I sent it to her via email, and she even spell checked it for me with a program. I found that really nice. For her, it was normal that she'd do that for me, but for me, it was a big deal. We talked on the phone for over an hour after that, 20 minutes alone from my mobile phone to hers. Ouch. But it was worth it, we had a very nice conversation, a lot to laugh and talk about. I enjoyed it.

School was fine today, nothing unusual happened. I will have an exam in French tomorrow, we read the book 'The Little Prince' in class so the exam will be about that. I liked the book, it was nice to read and had some wonderful expressions. And there is a certain meaning behind each chapter. But I didn't like the way my French teacher interpretated everything, she put too much into it and always wanted reasons, reasons, reasons. I don't like it when people talk so much about something, to define what its deeper meaning is. I think that the more they talk about it, the more they destroy the value of the meaning behoind it. There are certain things that you can't find countless reasons for, and I suppose most chapters in The Little Prince are those things. I found it just plain wrong and irritating. After all, she totally misunderstood what Saint-Exup�ry, the author of The Little Prince, meant to say with his book, talking of 'les grandes personnes qui aiment les chiffres', the grown up people who like numbers, people will consider only things right they can prove.

I will have my hair cut this week, eventually next week. I've been thinking about orange streaks, but instead I might have wine red streaks again, like now. I'd really like a neon orange, but I have a specific color in my head, the way I want it to look like. I think I'd be disappointed if that didn't work out, so eventually, I'll stick to my wine red streaks. Yet, neon orange streaks would be cool too, at least if they turned out extactly the way I want them too. But we'll see. Maybe my hair's too dark for orange ones anyway.
And I may get my piercing done again this week. I haven't had a ring in it for quite a while, actually for two months. The hole has closed already and I need to have it done again. I'm not afraid of the pain (it's hardly painful anyway), but it's quite expensive. I feel not really complete without my piercing and without feeling the ring on my lips when I have my mouth closed. But $75 is a lot of money for me right now. I lost the ring and the stud that I'd bought when I first had it done, so I'd also have to get a new stud and a new ring for it.

On Friday Marco asked me why I'd stayed at home all week, if I'd been sick, or if I'd stayed at home for no specific reason. I said I hadn't been sick but that I'd always had a reason for staying at home. It was a stupid answer, I hadn't thought about it. Well, of course he wanted to know the reason why I'd been staying at home that time, and I said I wouldn't tell him. He kept begging and asking. He said he always told me everything too, and that he was a bit disappointed that I didn't tell him. Marco said he wanted to know what was going on inside my head. It got annoying after a while, and again I told him I wouldn't tell him. I found it extremely unfriendly and selfish of him to keep asking and asking even when I'd told him that I couldn't tell him, that no one knew about it, and that I didn't feel ready to tell anyone. I said I couldn't, and I think he should have accepted that. Instead, he kept begging and left after half an hour. Since then, every day when he sees me online I've gotten a message like 'And, are you gonna tell me now?', followed by begging when I say no. I told him to stop it, but he doesn't. I think Marco should accept that and stop being so nosy. It's true that he always tells me when something upsets him or so, but he tells me everything because he's always in need of advice and help. Which is nothing bad, basically, but he always asks for help instead of trying to solve his problem on his own at first. I find that wrong, and he knows that, but I have always helped him and stood behind him, I have always accepted his way of thinking although I didn't agree with it. He should do the same.

Oh I am a moderator at Dodo's Ikonboard now, that's amazing.. I've always wanted to be a mod but never dared to ask, but Dodo promoted me to a moderator anyway..wow. I start enjoying the atmosphere there again, all the people seem to grow together more and more. A few weeks ago, there were some arguments going on, and the mood there was tense and not very good. I'm glad that has changed again. It would be sad to have to leave the board because of onging trouble.. Thank God that's not a topic anymore.

So, yesterday and today were two nice days. I didn't feel like crying all the time, and things seemed to be going alright. My brother has calmed down again from his bad moods too and my dad hasn't freaked out for a few days either. My mom and I are getting along fine. School is going ok too. So, for the moment, I'd almost say life has gotten back to what it was supposed to be. We'll see what tomorrow brings..

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