March 12th 2001

I've been listening to 'Never had a Dream come true' by S Club 7 all night, and I just realized how well that song expressed what I feel about Siya. I can look back with a smile on the wonderful time we had, and I am very grateful that God brought him into my life. Very very grateful. Somehow, I look back with a tear, sometimes I wish it would have lasted. Yet, I know it wasn't meant to. We had everything and more, Siya was everything I'd ever asked for, he was just perfect for me and I was perfect for him. The time we had, was perfect, and definitely belongs to the most beautiful times in my life. Maybe it is even the most beautiful one. I think deep inside my heart, I still love Siya, and I will forever. Not like a boyfriend, just like someone who is a part of me. I can't explain it. It's a very extreme feeling of belonging to someone that I have never had with anyone else before. Knowing that we are and belong together no matter where we are, what we do and all other circumstances. They don't matter. We are and belong together, time can't change that, nothing can.
It's weird how I've been thinking about that recently.

I put up Immortal today, fixed some errors and uploaded the last few pages. I'm done now, and it looks quite good in my opinion. I sent Grace the url so that she can check it out. I wonder what she'll say, I'm curious about it, really. I even got the megabook half way decent looking. I think I will keep working on it and improving it as time goes by. I visit Louise's blog today, and it's amazing what she does with her megabook. For me it was quite a struggle to get it the way it looks now, and she does the weirdest (in a positive way) things with it. Very impressing. Also submitted my site to a few web rings, still need to submit it to the cliques that I have linked already. And tomorrow or so, once I know what others think about the site and what still needs to be fixed, I'll go advertise it. Heh.

I got a sms from Julia a few minutes ago. Getting sms is something that makes me smile anytime because that means that someone is thinking of me in the instant I get the sms. It makes me smile real big and makes me feel loved. As cheesy as that may sound. It's the same when my mom and I exchange sms in the morning, when I'm at school. They only consist of 'good morning little one' or so, but they made me realize that people like me. I don't depend on others showing me that they like me, but it makes me feel good.

I didn't go to school today, and I won't go tomorrow either. I'm not sure about the reason, I just didn't feel like it. I got up at 7am so that my parents thought I was just getting ready for school, as usually. I spent two hours online in the morning, most of the time working on my site. Other than that, I watched tv. You know what sucks, in the morning there's nothing but shopping programs and hospital series on tv, and Big Brother of course, but who would want to watch that. I was scared someone would come home and catch me being at home. I just had a bad feeling about it, although there actually was no reason why my mom or my dad should come home from work earlier. But I was quite nervous about it though.

I'm happy I'm done with Immortal now, I'm content with the result. Also, I will move DDK to burningsoul.com tomorrow or Wednesday, depending on when I'm sent the info for the ftp account etc. It means a lot to me to have DDK hosted at such a beautiful domain. Very much.

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