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March 7th 2001 I wonder if my dad will ever stop getting deeper and deeper into my school life, it starts destroying everything. He never knew much about my school life, except for my grades, and even those were not always correct. In the past two weeks, he's been to four of my teachers. I couldn't expect them to say the best things about me during the past six months, I know that I was very uninterested, or at least I seemed. There always were other things to think about that made my life difficult for me, and I hardly ever listened really carefully in class. With the bad grades that came, I automatically had more to think about, and we know the rest of the story. Today, my dad called my Economy teacher of three years. She told him I was just staring outside and didn't put any effort into participating in class. Which is true, but no one does in Economy class, it is not only me. It is mainly my teacher's fault, her classes are ever prepared well and her knowledge about Economy is not good, she can hardly answer questions. But she has a very high opinion of herself and of her being a teacher. Yet, my dad came home, mad again. He told my mom about what my teacher had said, although I was standing right next to him. I don't remember exactly what he asked me first, but I really was not keen on talking again over these topics, we've been talking for weeks about nothing else. He asked in a tone that made me feel not taken seriously, and when he kept asking and asking, he got a 'stop it' from me. A quite sharp one. He asked me if I was insane and what not, and said that I should act my age, that 18 year olds think sensibly, not like I think. That normal people my age have gained a different attitude towards life, the right one, that you have to work to achieve something. If he only knew. And my dad called me 'little girl'. You are nothing but a little girl, you know nothing about life. I asked him 'A little girl?', and grinned, because it seemed just too ironic. He doesn't know what I have been through, emotionally, how much certain things have hurt me, how much I struggle to get a half way decent life together, to keep it together. And then, he called me 'little girl'. It wasn't meant the nice way. That hurted me incredibly,and I was glad when I could bow my head over the laundry I had to iron because I had tears in my eyes and I didn't want him to see. I don't deserve this, I am a human being, I have a life. I need to be treated with respect. That's all I ask for for my life, not more. I want to be taken seriously, as the person that I am.
Tomorrow is Cleaning Day at my school, which means we have our normal schedule of classes in the morning, but at 1pm a part of us has to prepare the classrooms, clean them and cover them with plastic film, so that Friday morning, the second group can paint the walls. Friday afternoon the third group will paint again, and on Saturday the fourth group will tidy everything up. I'm lucky to be in the first group, it's not much work to prepare the classrooms, and we'd have afternoon classes anyway, so I'm glad that are canceled for us. And, I will have Friday off, which is even better. I suppose it will be fun tomorrow. Kathrin is in my group too, as well as Philipp, Julia, and Babs, people I get along with. |