February 28th 2001

I doubt I was made to follow my parents on every damn word they say, and I doubt I was born without the right to disagree. The story is, my dad and I went grocery shopping today, there was a long line at the counter. I didn't see that another counter was about to open and when my dad just yelled 'go', I was not sure what he meant and was just like 'where?'. He immediately jumped at me for not just going and told me to change my mood in an instant, and I said that I wasn't the only one who needed to change the mood. My dad then said that he wouldn't let me fool him anymore, that he wouldn't be fooled any longer by me, not by me. I don't remember what I said, but it probably were only some short comments, nothing too sharp, because if it had been, I could remember it now. So, he actually thinks that I have been fooling him. How, in which fucking way, should I have fooled him? School? What? Isn't it weird how two people can feel so fooled by each other? My dad things that I am fooling him. Yet, to me it seems like if he'd been doing so for my entire life, not taking me seriously, telling me what to do, me doing just that because I didn't know it any better. I really don't know, maybe I'll ever find out. Better not, life is complicated enough the way it is now.

I talked to Kathrin on the phone this afternoon, about her vacation and if we had homework to do for tomorrow. We were supposed to write an essay for German, which hit me all of sudden. I remembered then that my teacher had even handed out papers with the exact homework. It's not a big deal that I didn't do it, after all it would have been about the book we're reading in German class right now, which I haven't read either. What do they think I am, do I have nothing to do than write German essays and read even worse books? I may not seem to have a life, but I have one. We were also supposed to do some Physics homework, which I tried a couple of times, but I always got stuck somewhere. It's very likely that I will go home from school earlier tomorrow, on the one hand because of PE in the afternoon, and also because I need to go to work tomorrow and sign my contract since I've been working without a contract there for over a month. As long as I get my paychecks, I don't mind if I have a contract for working there or not.
I know they won't kick me out because a) I am easy to work with b) I do my work carefully and fast c) I get along with others d) my boss likes me e) I am not lazy f) I do what I'm told g) my boss used to work with my grandma for years. Moreover, without a contract I could quit working there anytime. But why would I. Chrissi and being a stocker (part time) belongs together. I'd miss the people there terribly and something really important would be missing in my life if I quit working there - not only the getting up at 5 on Saturdays and the money, the people mainly is are what I'd be missing. Mrs Blank, Mehmet, Manuel, Mrs Wudi, Christian, Mrs Mayer, even Nicole, all trainees there. I don't know a whole lot about most of them, but I do enjoy having them around me and there is always time for a conversation in the lift, especially when it gets stuck sometimes. I like the people there, a lot.

I'm not particularly looking forward to school tomorrow, neither am I afraid of it. If I dislike it there or have a bad feeling about it, I will just leave. Being 18 is great.

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