January 19th 2001

I got a feeling that now it's the time to get going, to get up and start sorting out things. To do what I've been thinking about the past two days. To actually fulfill the plans I have, or at least start fulfilling them. I have been looking at ads for apartments around here, and I have found a very nice offer. A small apartment, not very expensive, around here. The only problem is that it's from last weekend's newspaper. But I might just call and ask if it's still free anyway. That would be wonderful. I'd take the furniture of my room with me, that way I wouldn't have to buy new ones. Only a little kitchen, I'd need to fix the floor, and a table and chairs. The apartment wouldn't be huge anyway so no need to think about much furniture. Gosh you know how great that would be? It's not just an idea that will be gone tomorrow, I believe that this is my way out.
Wednesday I thought about what I wanted, what I wanted a good life to be like, for me. I'd want to keep my aquarium, have it clean always, beautiful plants. I need to do some work on it, I'm aware of that. I'd want a cat. I'd want my own place. I see myself wearing my white pullover, and the colored blouson under it, standing in my new apartment, with the aquarium behind me. Yes I do. I want that, I will work for it, I know I need it. Next week I'll go sign up for driver's ed. Finally. It hit me when I went to the doctor today because of my flu, I walked past the driver's school, and I read that you could sign up Monday till Thursday 5pm till 7pm. I just knew I'd have to do it now. I had to get working, get my butt of to change something here.
I actually wanted to go to school again today but had to cough so badly this morning that I decided to go see a doctor instead. I was scared and nervous because eventually she might make me take my shirt off to examine me, and what should I say about my arm? I looked at it, and was wondering if there was a chance she'd just overlook it. No, not even I could convince myself that she would. So many cuts can't be overlooked. But, thank God, she just listetened to me breath. I'd have told her something about our relatives' seven cats we currently have, because their owners work for Osram and were sent to Canada for half a year. Ain't I creative? I know I rock.

I talked to Siya on the phone yesterday, things were as they used to be, wonderful. I'm glad we talked, and now I wonder how I could have had any doubt about our relationship the past few days. We belong together, we'll always end up together, no matter what we'd do. Simple as that, there can't get nothing inbetween. Yes I believe that with all my heart.

I'm so motivated about my plans now, I'd love to jus get up and call and ask for that apartment. I will do tonight, when my mom and my dad are watching tv and are concentrated on something else but me.

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