February 24th 2001

I worked all day, had a lot of work to do there. First, I spent seven hours, yes seven hours, reducing prices. I have blasts on my hands from that damn machien that makes the labels.:\ But actually it wasn't all that bad, I have to admit all in all it was even fun. I had two lists with the number of teh specific items and the price, and I had to count them all over again, reduce the price to about the half of it, sort them, and put them on nails and hang those on the shelves. There was a lot of prices and stuff to reduce, so it took me forever. It was cool, because I didn't have to help Nicole with the Carnival stuff. I just plain ahte it when she tries to give me her work. It's one of her favorite things to do. Nicole is actually a nice person, but lazy as hell, and she always tries to get rid of her duties and only do the work she likes to do. My boos asked me to help her getting up some new stuff at the motor stairs, which I found extremely nice, she usually only asks my collegue who's been working there for years. It made me smile. Getting everything up tp her liking was a lot ofwork, really, and very straining. My back still hurts from carrying all the heavy boxes and I fele it in my arms. Nicole was supposed tp get some boxes from the stock downstairs and my boss almost freaked out because she came back without them, afetr 15 minutes.
All in all, it was a nice day at work, very stressful but nice.:) Those days make me realize how much I like working there and what a huge part would be missing if wasn't.

My dad picked me up after work and didn't say a single word, again. The whole amosphere at home seemed very tense, and when I asked my dad if he'd mind me watching tv while he was reading, he just left with his book. Later, I found out that he'd gone to the basement to read. What a weird idea. I know he only was mad and wanted me to feel sorry for him - that he didn't have any rights and went to the basement to read since there was no other place for him. In my eyes, that was ridiculous. He could have read in my room, or in my brother's. For the rest of the day my dad was mad and didn't say anything. Honestly, it doesn't bother me anymore. I can't worry about each little thing that is the result of another little thing, as meaningless as nothing else.

I've been doing very good lately, life seems to be in my hands and under control again, at least that's what things make me feel. I can't say anything about my real life situation has changed, but I know that the person I am, I have changed. I am more doing my own thing now, more than anytime before, and I feel more independant, and a lot stronger than ever before. It feels good, very good. I'm alive, after all.:)

I know my parents are worried about my current situation when it comes to school, but there is absolutely nothing I can do. Whenever the topic comes up, I tell them and reassure them that I will work harder, because I mean it, with all my heart. But that's all I can do, and when they don't trust and believe me, I have done everything possible on my side though. I can't help it, I can't change their mind at the moment being, and I am not willing to feel sorry about something I can't change. Not anymore.

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