February 13th 2001

sometimes, sometimes it feels like if nothing bad had ever happened. I can sit here with nice thoughts on my mind. I'm sitting here just being, feeling alive and knowing that I am existing. And it feels good, it's just the way I felt before I started feeling depressed. I feel good about myself and school is not on my mind, so there's nothing wrong with this moment.. School was nothing but a waste of time, nothing happened that would have changed me or my life or anything to do with it in any way. I passed my German exam with a better result than I'd thought. I didn't have to read in French and was neither tested in Math nor in Latin.
Jojo looked at me and smiled in Religious Education, I spent my break with him later. A good school day, actually. I'd planned to go a little shopping after school but then it was raining and I didn't want to get out of the trolley. So, I will go shopping Thursday probably.
I won't go to school tomorrow. We'd go visit a museum in Munich and I don't feel like having so many people around me, having to communicate with them. I'm in one of those moments when I rather not talk and just keep quiet, think, and only speak when I feel like it, when I have something to say. Not just to chat.

Moreover I want to be totally alone for a few hours, and I want to sleep in. But being alone is what is more important, I want the silence and the tranquility in the house to think.

I called Kathrin earlier and told her to tell my teacher that I was sick and that I wouldn't come, tomorrow at the meeting point. We had a good conversation, laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes. I realized how important I am to Kathrin as a friend and how much I mean to her. Kathrin doesn't say that directly and sometimes it comes out through the way she says certain things.

I want to enjoy the rest of the night, feeling good and feeling one with the earth. I wish we had ice cream..*sigh*

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