February 2nd 2001

what am I to say, I think of what it looks like to see blood run down my arm, and I've had that thought on my mind for an hour now or so. Just the picture of the blood running down my arm. I'm scared. Looking at what I'm thinking, I think this whole week has out me under more strain that I actually realized. That's the result of it, thinking about cutting. And I am scared that I will do it, against my actual will not to do it. I must be confusing. I'm scared that my emotional pain wins over my will power. I can't do anything against it, I just hope I won't do it. Please

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