January 28th 2001

It's a beautiful day today. I went to bed yesterday at 9.30pm because I was very tired and exhausted from work. Moreover, I felt a little frustrated about small things my parents missed. Nothing exciting and nothing that was important enough to make me feel really depressed. Just a little bit of disappointed and maybe a little down.

I'm doing very good today. I got up at 8am, which is something you hardly fine me doing on Sunday. I went online for a while and did a review, had breakfast with my parents and my brother. I usually hardly ever do that because I sleep till noon and miss breakfast.
My dad and I went to pick up my granma because she needed to be taken to a birthday party in teh country. Her cousin turned 80. I hoped I wouldn't have to come in and say hi because I was afraid I'd have to find an old senil woman. I was afraid that I wouldn't know what to say. My granma said that she'd be pleased to see me, so, well, there was no getting out for me. Her cousin doesn't look her age at all, and she is a nice and smart woman, far from being senil. She really seemed pleased to see me. We didn't stay long, we only had a little talk but she made a very positive impression on me. I promised we'd come visit some time. Actually my granma said we would come visit some time soon, and she made me agree. But I did it because I really meant it. I realized that they are family too, and it made me think that I saw them today, after 18 years, for the first time. I'm glad I came along to visit.
I also learned that my granpa had had three sisters. I thought he'd had only two brothers. Eventually I'll try to find out more about my family's history, about my history. Now I'm interested in my ancestors. They had pictures all over the wall, old ones in black and white, with countless little girls and guys, and of a birthday party when they were grown up, and whatnot. They knew who was who etc., and I found that not a bit boring but indeed very interesting. We'll see, but I really would like to find out more about my family's history.

We'll go out for lunch later. Not that I'm too keen on leaving the house today, I'd rather have a totally lazy day. But I think I can manage being away for a while, after all it's a wonderful day outside. The sun is shining and teh sky is in a blue I haven't seen it in a long time. Or, maybe, I just couldn't see it.

I've been seriously considering taking part in that exchange program. It seems like a major step forward to me. Two weeks in the US in April, away from my family and on my own. I like that thought. I just realized today and counted back how long I haven't been away from my family. For over two years I've seen my family every single day. Scary isn't it? Also, although the exchange program is somewhat expensive for two weeks, I can pay it and still have enough money to move out in a few months. So actually there's nothign negative about it anymore. And the thought of being in the US again, just makes my heart beat a bit faster. I need to go back where I felt so wonderful, where I can take a break from live and breath.

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